Tired Pup Pups

We are fortunate enough to have the means to send our girls to "puppy school" twice a week. For a small fee ($12), the girls will run, lick, bark, chase, tail wag, lap water, and herd other dogs for several hours while Dave and I are at work. If it wasn't for puppy school, Biscuit would be her head through the window (again). This is what happens after a long day of puppy school:

(**Can you spot a Beans ear? Yes, she makes killer nests after long days of puppy school. If you can't see her, look at the red blanket, and the small projection towards the left side of the blanket. Yes, that is her ear.)

200,000 and Going.....

Well, today marks an important occassion for the Ol' Honda. She reached 200,000 miles. "Never" as I call her, has been through some tough times----One major accident, several fender benders, a blizzard......Hopefully she'll have another 100,000 miles in her. (If not, I am totally NOT oppossed to a brand new Audi, Acura, or Lexus.)

Here are some of Never's features:

-A displaced license plate. In September, I had the pleasure of experiencing someone stealing my license plate. Yes, I work in the ghetto.

-A brand new exhaust system. Yet again, a victim of catalytic converter theft. I was very shaken by this.

-The occassional alarm system going off, without warning. I believed she may be periodically possessed by the devil.

-Random farm animals stickers decorating the dash and mirrors. Whenever any of my passengers are feeling down, I can immediately show them a baby goat and WHAM!, they are in a better mood.

-Broken locks. Yes, one of her many electrical problems---the power locks sometimes work.

-Permanent mud stains/paw prints on the back seat. This is why I hate leather interiors. I can blame Beans and Biscuit for this.

-Most importantly, the ability to gain serious speed/momentum at any given time. Never has incredible pick-up---it is her fancy lady parts (a V-6 engine).

Highlights:

1. My no-chip manicure in Bella's Vampire still looks great.

2. I did not flick anyone off on my way to work AND on the way home.

3. I am excited to see Jennie this weekend---She and Chris just purchased a new crib. Ohana time.

Lowlights:

1. I have still not dealt with my spaghetti obession. It is seriously day 35 of eating spaghetti at least once a day. I am keeping Barilla and Ragu in business.

2. I gave into a minor chocolate craving after lunch---What I really wanted was an Americano NOT a bag of M&M's.

3. I am a bad wife. I have only cooked for Dave once in two weeks. Not the wifey I am suppose to be.

List of the Day:

Some Traits that May Make A Person Trashy

1. Living with a boyfriend who is NOT the father of your unborn child.

2. That is all.

Turmoil

I have been watching the news a bit more lately with all of the commotion in the Middle East. Sadly, those folks are having a really hard time. I try to avoid the news usually, though I feel I am watching history unfold. With so much political unrest for so long, maybe the people there will finally feel the slightest bit of democracy. I love my freedoms: Grocery stores, fast driving, swearing, skirts, bras, nail polish, education, and my freedom to choose and express myself how I like. I'm not much of a pray-er, but lately the people of the Middle East have surely been on my mind.

The U.S. is facing its fair share of crap-o-lah as well.....Union battles in Wisconsin, the possibility of Planned Parenthood losing all funding, snowstorms....yes, the Armageddon is approaching. Here are some of insights. (Note: These are OPINIONS, not FACTS. I am a public school teacher. I vote. I used to be a social worker. I'm just saying......)

Planned Parenthood: I am a loyal patron of Planned Parenthood. I FULLY support their efforts to help educate and provide services to women across the country. While they do provide abortion services, the majority (90%) of their outreach helps women (and men) in other ways. I hope to God they don't lose their funding----lots of diseased women running around town with no support. Yikes.

Unions: I am a teacher, though not a Union member. However, I like my crappy wages and my legal support. Without Unions, teachers would make minimum wage. Teachers educate children from ages 3-19. Yes, that is important.

Snowstorms: I need to move to Colorado or Minnesota.

That is all.

Presidents Day

I celebrated Presidents Day with a shopping trip to Edinburgh. Over a $100 bucks later, I realized cute Spring-like clothes at Loft will not fit me and I need to stick to yoga pants/maternity dresses. Whatever.
I was accompanied by Mrs. Mande Miskewycz. She is a great co-pilot as well as a lovely dog owner----her daughter is Wrigley, a regular at Casa Norton for overnights.

(***This picture was taken at the Michigan/IU tailgate. The next morning, I found out I was prego. Please also note the Miller Lite in my hand. Yes, I consumed "the beer" while pregnant. Classy.)

Bloomington dodged yet another winter bullet---MN and MI got pounded with snow and we got rain. Ugh. Winter isn't over---Mother Nature needs to grow some ovaries and start delivering the white stuff.

My list for today....
Sights I see on my drive home:
1.) Junk cars overloaded with junk inside---I saw a Buick LeSabre with a Target shopping cart hanging out of the trunk. This is what I call White Trash Awesomeness.
2.) Indianapolis Animal Shelter. I fight going for a "visit" practically every day. Torture.
3.) Barrels of disgusting air pollution billowing out of two smoke stacks. I call this the "Gateway to Indy." Superbowl my ass.
4.) Three homeless people stationed at the same three spots every day. They always have on a different change of clothes and a Starbucks. Interesting.
5.) The same "tricked out" Neon--ground effects, Monster Energy Drink sticker, one missing hubcap, and rap blaring through the windows. So. Not. Hot.

Highlights:
1. My new no-chip manicure in the shade "Bella's Vampire." (I am on Team Jacob for the record.)
2. A container of spaghetti ready for my consumption upon opening the refrigerator door.
3. Learning that Bachelor Pad will return for a second season. (I know there is a God!)



Lowlights:
1. Beans staring at me with sad eyes because she didn't get to go to puppy school with her sister.
2. The dead opossum that still is "resting" under our pine trees because a certain neighborhood scavenger hasn't done his job. Gross.

Pregnancy Update:

24 weeks on Saturday......
I think at this point I look officially "knocked up." (That is how my sister Dana affectionately refers to my situation.) Baby Norton is about one and half pounds and is approaching the length of a cucumber. She moves around like crazy---She's had the hiccups twice. I sort of feel like Bella in Breaking Dawn. We finished registering for baby gear---not so much fun. My feet feel like sausages sometimes and I hate "advice" older women give me----It is hard for me to listen to a woman who has illegitimate children, a fat ass, and 3 divorces under her belt.

Happy Friday!

Happy Friday! I am excited to say I do not have to go to school on Monday as I celebrate Presidents Day. While there are some presidents that I do admire (Clinton, Jefferson), there are some that I am not so proud of (the shrubs'). I'm sure you can guess who they are.....

I will spending my day off cleaning and getting things organized in the basement. In the meantime, I am enjoying an extra 4-legged guest that has been staying with us. Wrigley Miskewicz, daughter of Mande and Darian, is a wonderful addition to our pack. She is the sweetest dog ever! She enjoys walks, ear rubs, treats, and avoiding Biscuit at all costs. (Biscuit tries to herd Wrigs into the corner and tell her what to do.)

**(Note Beans in the background. They were laying on the carpet together enjoying some 90210 with me)

I've become a loyal blog reader in the last few months and there are some additions I'd like to make some additions to my blog starting today:

1. Making lists. I enjoy reading other people's lists. Things they want to do, things they have already done, funny happenings during the day, favorite brands of chips, etc.
2. A highlight and low(light) for each post. For example, a highlight to my day was my tall decaf Americano with extra cream, a treat from my colleague. A lowlight, hearing about my friend's house burning down. Yes, these things happen. I'll talk about that a bit later.....
3. A funny/annoying/sarcastic crack about living on the westside of Bloomington. For example, on my drive home today, I was position behind a large Dodge pick up truck at a light near my house. This truck was making dones of exhaust noise (because this was a cool feature of the car, according to the driver). I couldn't help but notice all of the poisonous fumes coming from the tailpipe, when I read the bumper sticker: "Stop strokin' and start cummin'." CLASSY. Good god. Some one reared this person---gross.

So, without further adieu, my first list:

Best Singers/Bands to listen to during a commute from Bloomington to Indianapolis:
1. Adele. This lady wails---in a good way. LOVES HER.
2. Steely Dan
3. Neil Diamond
4. Song selections from the show "Glee"
5. Like I was going to leave this out, Van Halen. It is never too early for Van Hagar.

Highlight of the Day:
It's Friday, and I have a three day weekend. Holler.
Lowlight of the Day:
My Christmas decor is still visible in the house. Yes, I'm THAT person.

Pregnancy Update:
I will be 24 weeks tomorrow. I suppose I should be purchasing a crib soon.....as well as all the other things that make a room a "nursery."

Dumb People

I ventured to Greenwood after school for some more prego fashions. Unfortunately, Bloocmington has practically nothing when it comes to maternity clothing. It sucks, because you have to try at least 40 minutes for flipping pants! Anyhoo, I was paroosing (sp?) through Motherhood Maternity when a gaggle, yes gaggle, of teenagers came in----Three high school-Teen Mom wannabes, looking for clothes. One appeared to be pregnant, though I say that lightly. They all had major beer/insulin resistance guts---who knows. The were squeaking away at each other, talking about how the clothes were so cute and comfy looking. Ugh. Whatever. Hows about you wait and pop out a kid when my tax dollars don't have to pay for it? Sorry---I am mad at MTV for airing Teen Mom. I really think it glorifies teen girls making poor decisions about 1) Sex 2) Trying to be "normal" teens after pregnancy 3) then reaping the benefits of their paychecks with fake boobs, Superbowl tickets, and trips to L.A. Gross. It's called trash. I call them like I see it. NO ONE was pregnant while I was in school. We had better stuff to worry about---like school, sports, and college. It's called close your legs and get on the darn pill, OR, have a real conversation with your parents about responsibility, self respect, and goals. I apologize for this tangent, but I have become so irritated, walking the halls of school and seeing all these pregnant kids. I get my nails done in Martinsville....apparently they have an OB nurse on staff, full time, to care for all 20 girls who are prego (as of last week) at the high school. Hmmmm......they also don't teach sex ed there. Interesting. Furthermore, while I am glowing from a squirrel growing my womb, I have friends who are experiencing fertility challenges. I know I am blessed with this baby inside of me, but I am never NOT aware of how lucky I am that I can even conceive/carry a child. These little skanks with their short skirts and inability to make good choices end up with kids they can't care for----and even worse, they are beautiful and healthy.

In light of this "essay," I am posting the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zCJigrTb9Q
I am not advocating for abortion, but rather, EDUCATION about reproductive rights and availability. It is absurd that high school girls are left in the dark about sexuality and reproduction. Maybe if they knew, they'd think for a second before engaging in a life altering activity.

More Wedding Hoop-lah

Ok, so the wedding plans continue.....
I went to Chicago to help Jennie find her dream wedding dress. With the support of Adrienne (maid of honor), Dana (sister and bridesmaid), we were successfully able to narrow Jennie's search. Thankfully, Jennie has a great body is able to say no to things that don't flatter her figure. (Like I always say, "Save the big dresses for the big girls." Yes, words to live by.) We saw some great dresses, some ugly dresses, but more importantly, we weren't trying to recreate prom or Spencer and Heidi's wedding. (Way too many feathers.) Jennie has great taste and I trust she will end up with her dream dress.
The next step is finding a dynamite band to entertain the reception. I feel this is more important than the actual ceremony. Next to the dress, everyone remembers the band (then the food).

More to come a bit later.....

Oh Sh*t

I came home today to find a house FULL of crap. Literally. Dog poop in every room. I should have known. Biscuit killed her 6th animal of the winter at 5:40 am. Yes, an opossum. Gross. Thankfully, Dave heard my blood curdling screams and came outside to assist. After a few swift blows to the animal's head, the oppossum had expired. Biscuit did a nice job of "making it sleep," but Dave had to really take it out of its misery. Then, it was flung gracefully over the fence to be enjoyed by the neighborhood cat/raccoon/crow herd. Gross.

Back to the poop.......
So, I think Biscuit's stomach went wonky after the oppossum death and decided to take matters into her own paws. The result: Poop. Everywhere.

Plus, I had a yucky day at school. Oh shit.

(No picture will help enhance this post. It'll make you want to honk, er, puke.)

Snowy Sundays

Dave and I had a great weekend! We started our Saturday morning at the Bloomington Public Library listening to the guest speaker, Karen Land, an Iditarod participant and mush dog kennel owner. Karen is also a native of Indianapolis. She brought her trusty mush dog, Borage, with her. She showed off her sled, as well as some of the tools she used during her various races. You can find more about her accomplishments here: http://www.mymusher.com/



I was sure to get a few moments of canine love with Borage as well as a picture with Karen before we left. (Borage had HUGE feet. He is 11 and in great shape. He no longer races, spending the majority of his day eating treats, getting ear rubs, and sleeping.)


We followed up our visit to the library with a trip to Chipotle. What goes better with sled dogs than burritos?

Today, we headed off to Griffey Preserve for a nice early afternoon hike. With temperatures near 33 degrees with some sun, we couldn't pass it up. We loaded up the canines and headed off. Beans and Biscuit are always sure to vocalize their excitement for hikes, as well as mustering as much puppy energy as possibly in these short "going for a hike" car rides. They are ready to go instantly....once we are out of the car.



There were several cars with ice fishing folks---I dare not venture out to the middle of the lake---In my head, it was not quite frozen. One word for those people: Morons.

It was a great few miles....Beans and Biscuit are great models for action shots.



Beans will always remain on leash during our hikes. She is not to be trusted with the wildlife----she may never come back. This observation was solidified this morning after a Dogs 101 episode featuring Beagles---"not to be trusted when not properly contained or leashed." And there you have it.

Friday Finds

Today I ventured out of the house for some much needed errand-running time. Yes, Target was on the list. Thankfully, I have NOT been feeling crafty, so I stuck with my list. I did, however, quickly walk through the baby aisles---just getting a small mental inventory of making an upcoming registry. Holy Cow, that is going to be overwhelming. Thankfully, I met a very nice new mom who struck up a conversation with me. She mentioned purchasing a book, Baby Bargains, to help better streamline a registry list. She introduced me to her son, Henry (great name!), and that was that. She was super helpful and very nice. Another reason why I love Target.

I also went to my favorite antique spot in Bloomington, The Antique Bazaar. I brought along my friend Mande for moral support. Unfortunately, I was unable to find a dresser. BUT, I did find a brand new gardening book and a kick ass vintage Fisher Price airport. Yes, one of those "little people" commerce stops that I used to play with. I will bask in your jealousy.......




I also received a package in the mail from my friend Kady that included an adorable baby outfit from Janie and Jack. (Note how small the pants are. I used my hand as a reference.)



She also included two pacifier clips I ordered for a friend who is hatching a baby soon. Kady is the designer/manufacturer/distributor of original pacifier clips for those interested mommies:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/kabe7




Happy Friday!

Cabin Fever

It's official: I have cabin fever. It is now Day 3 of Operation No School. I've been in the same sweatpants "outfit" for 2 days now (black sweatpants, striped prego shirt, slippers, white bathrobe, and unkept hair). I've showered, but felt as though I couldn't part with my Snow Day uniform. To help pass the time, I've become moderately productive. I made pancakes for breakfast, did one load of laundry, watched Going the Distance with Drew Barrymore (very cute, very funny), and managed to bake two different varieties of cookies. The first, "cowpies," or "fart starters" as I call them, turned out okay. Apparently a bit too much peanut butter snuck in. Whoopsies. I love my amino acids. The second, sugar cut out cookies, turned out much better. I have a few snaps of the process. I can say I am remotely proud. I was given a frosting gun for Christmas by a colleague. Best. Present. Ever. No joke----I felt like frigging Martha Stewart this morning, minus the busted lip. It is really too bad that I don't like frosting that much. Good thing I have a spouse that could eat frosting for a meal (and two pups who could do the same).

The Enemy Returns

***WARNING: IMAGES SHOWN MAY BE GRAPHIC IN NATURE TO THOSE MAMMALS OF A CANINE VARIETY.

Yes, the enemy has returned. I surely thought the " ice storm of the century" would have kept him away. Yes, it's a he. I know the squirrel is a "he" because no lady would act with such little regard for friends of a flying nature. Good thing Beans and Biscuit weren't here to witness this senseless abuse of nourishment.

Snowmaggedon

No snow for us. Ice. Yep, the "slippy" stuff (thanks to Cieran Byrne for giving me that word). We are waiting for more of this slippy stuff later today.

Wedding Bells are Chiming

Ok, in lieu of Jennie's upcoming nuptials, I would like to dedicate this blog to all the wedding haters in the world. Yes, you know who you are. I will gladly create a numerated list of behaviors/tendencies/gestures/sayings/comments that "haters" make towards the bride, bridal party, groom, attendees, etc. Here we go:

1. When the bride is 31, not 21, she may invite whoever she damn well pleases. It's a wedding, not prom. This includes family members, co-workers, and so called "friends" from college.

2. The bride may create her list of attendants as she fancies: Again, this is not prom or the volleyball team. Usually, the older the bride is, the smaller the amount of bridesmaids. Bridesmaids=$$

3. When there is a disclaimer on the invitation that reads: No Children Please, you child does not meet the exception. Keep little Bobby at home so Mom and Dad can get loaded.

4. Children at weddings suck. Who the hell wants to hear a crying baby during the first dance?! Yea, I'm sure we've all heard that. Or, my personal favorite, when a baby runs across the dance floor during the Daddy/Daughter dance---not frigging funny.

5. Wedding traditions are bogus. Do whatever the hell you want. I've actually heard "haters" refer to non-church ceremonies at unGodly. Give. Me. A. Break. My brother got married in a garden and it was the most beautiful wedding in the whole wide world. The only thing that was missing was a box of puppies resting nicely beside their feet.

6. If you are invited to a wedding, bring a NEW gift. No one wants something from Ebay, even if it is a little bit used. I like to think of this when receiving a wedding invite: The bride's parents are at least shelling out $75 bucks for you (their guest) to attend a fancy dinner. Bring a nice gift.

7. Don't wear jeans and a golf shirt to a wedding. Yes, I witnessed this horrible crime on 2 occasions---I was wearing Calvin Klein and they were wearing Boundary Waters. It wasn' t pretty. Again, $75 dinner does not mean casual on the golf course or at the local Elks Lodge.

8. Because of people making poor choices, a bride must now be forced to add disclaimers to the invitation----No Children Please, Coat and Tie, Ceremony begins promptly at 7, etc. Guests who show up late, dressed inappropriately with their damn kids in tow---don't come. Take a hike to the local Steak and Shake and call it a night. Yes, this means you.

9. Those who attend a wedding may have some constructive feedback of their experience. However, that feedback should be kept private. No one really wants to hear it---especially at the wedding. I'd like to see someone plan a huge event on a budget and a lame family in tow. I'm sure if we were all Nicole Richie or Jessica Simpson, our weddings would resemble frigging Cinderella's special day.

When I had the pleasure of planning my own wedding almost 7 years ago, I was honored to be assisted by a Mr. Wedding Planner extraordinaire at the Fort Wayne Marriott. He was fabulous. I called him Fraank.....Like Frank, but classier. After our first meeting, we were exiting his office and pulled close and said in my ear, "You're a classy bride. I can tell. This won't be prom 2000. I love it." And there you have it-----

So, next time you are invited to wedding, asked to serve as an attendant, or asked by a friend to help, be mindful of these things. Unfortunately, not everyone has a working brain or an etiquette bone in their body. I can honestly say the majority of those folks resides in Western Bloomington. Have a nice day.

Sunday Sequence

Sunday was a lazy day of recuperation after our 'Cook Friends and Family Game Night.' Dave and I welcomed his colleagues and their partners to an enjoyable evening of games, laughter, and fare. We started the night playing Balderdash and ended with Things. I highly recommend Things---especially with folks who may have a lewd sense of humor. It is more enjoyable with the gross people. All in all, it was a great night. I am very happy that Dave and I have met some lovely people who have similar interests----they also tolerate Beans and Biscuit.

Dave and I decided to continue the "game" theme into our Sunday afternoon. I challenged him to a friendly game of Sequence and kindly accepted. He ended up winning. Whatever. I know if it was Scrabble, he'd have no chance.