In the last several weeks, I have begun some what of a spiritual class for beginners. Lots of reading, asking people lots of questions (specifically my neighbor, Nana and my friend, Elisabeth), some trips to a Reiki master, and a field trip to a "hoola boola" store (where they have new age stuff). I had my second session of Reiki last night---two hours later and a very descriptive and intense breakdown of a dream I had last week, I think I'm beginning to silence my inner "gremlin." By gremlin, I mean the negative voice in the back of my head that rears HER ugly head when I start worrying about things.....she makes me feel guilty/bad/depressed/mad/frazzled about things that I seem to not be able to finish/start/create. While I am very skeptical of organized religion (after several months of listening to Conservatives talk about their views on "family values" which apparently does not involve people minding their own business and allowing people to love other people). I started doing some reading on understanding how energy (both positive and negative) affects our every days and how powerful it really is. While I am in no way pretending like I know what I'm talking about, this has been a very interesting journey thus far----I'm attempting to learn to let go of rude and mean people, thoughtless people, and those things I cannot control. That last one, control, is very hard for me.

I'm also trying to rationalize and understand the hand of cards I've been dealt----for me, it is making the decision to go back to school only now, not to have a job. It is the decision to have a baby, but dealing with the after math of a horrible doctor. It is the idea of living away from our family, when Greta is now growing more familiar with her Grandparents, only to not see them on a regular basis. This is a heavy load to deal with, though I guess putting a different spin on it, and taking things day by day will slowly help me....or heal me.....or make me a better person. We shall see....