I am ready to blow up/import a virus/throw a flaming bag of dog poop on their doorstep to Sallie Mae, or whatever it is named now.  Every time I call, I cannot seem to get a person on the other end of the line that speaks fluent English.  I am all about diversity, but please don't thread my call through the Burma office.  I want to speak to a nice lady name Carol or Patsy that can really answer my questions.

A few more things:
I better not "catch" Ebola. 

If ISIS comes knocking, I'm sicking Biscuit on their fannies.  I will be closely following with a dirty diaper and my crockpot.  Take no prisoners.

I played some Notorious B.I.G. for my 16 year old neighbor.  Her response? "What is this?!?" Her younger sister quickly replied, "OH, this is that music from the olden days."  And there you have it.

My 35th birthday came and went.  Nothing spectacular.  Oh how I miss the days of day drinking at SJC in the IM field, knowing your birthday will be celebrated by everyone.  Not so much. 

I have fired up my old MP3 player in the hopes of inspiring some sort of exercise like movements during the course of the day.  I have nothing to report.

The Lions are off to a decent start.  My fingers are still crossed for a Superbowl appearance. 

New reality television obsessions:  Below Deck.  I want to charter a yacht now.

Fall is here. Bring on the sweatpants and Uggs.  (Happy face.)

So I have hit the three month mark as being a mom of two.....seriously, this is challenging.  I think I do 7 million loads of laundry a week, adding to the 40 millions minutes of picking up and doing the dishes.  Rinse and repeat.  My mantra for the day.  Greta started preschool today, which will give me some time to begin working out again.  No more of this 30 pound weight I am carrying. 

Just a few things....

I am at a loss for words in regard to the news lately....ISIS, Ferguson, naked pictures.....I'm just over it.  Apparently I'm a racist if I comment on Ferguson, regardless if I consider myself an educated person who is very mindful of race, religion, and politics.  I refuse to comment on the ISIS situation, because it is too devasting and crazy to comprehend.  While I am somewhat mindful of others' faith practices, this ISIS bullshit is ridiculous.  And finally, the naked pictures.  Here's some food for thought....if you don't want people to see you naked, don't take pictures of yourself naked.  I guess this is pretty hard to follow.  I surely wouldn't want anyone taking pics of me naked....Good grief.

I have a few new obsessions...
*Party Down South.  Total garbage television.
*Bachelor in Paradise.  Even worse garbage television.
*I have rediscovered Pinterest.  A total time suck.
*My new minivan. We said Adios to my red Subaru.  I was super sad to see her go, but it was time to welcome a new swagger vehicle....a white Honda Odyssey.  Her name is Anne Wilson Springsteen (after my favorite Wilson sister in the band Heart, and Bruce Springsteen---a no brainer.)
*Several of my gal pals are welcoming new hatchlings into the world.  Smooshiness is always good.
*Beans celebrated her 10th birthday.  My first born.  Loves her.

I am a bad blogger.  I blame Mary Katharine.  I have no time.  However, I did brush my teeth today.  Therefore, I am awesome.  My house is a disaster.  I am thankful for caffeine and neighbors, who make my days so much better.  Seriously, two kids is no joke.  I feel crazy most of the day, considering MK likes to be held all the time, fusses a lot, and only sleeps at night, of course no more than 3 hours at a time.  Hooray!

However, I am now obsessed with Party Down South.  It is absolute garbage but it makes me feel normal and smart.

And for all you wondering, I am not even close to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Kthanks.

Welp this Olympics are over and I am sad.  A poor showing in speed skating and hockey, but all in all, a fairly entertaining show.  I will gloat a bit here:  Steve Holcomb, driver for USA 1 2-man and 4-man bobsled teams, tweeted me.  This is par for my course.  I have been obsessed with becoming an Olympic bobsledder for some time, acknowledging this may be my only chance to participate in an Olympics at my age and my "fitness" level.  While I understand this is serious business, I think with proper training, I might have a shot.  (Like 1:10000000 odds.)

And it seems we might be facing yet another winter storm in Fort Awesome on Sunday.  FML.  Seriously.  I am over winter.  I don't think you will ever hear me say that again, because I usually LURV winter.  But seriously, I am over this cold and snow.  Shit, I can't even ski now.  Really, just shoot my eye out.

Watched "Being Farrah" on MTV this morning.  Apparently this is a catch up special on Teen Mom's original member, Farrah.  What a joke.  She IS a porn star who cashed in on her poor choices.  Good for her.  Just keep me out of it.  She best needs to be spending her well made money on a great therapist for her (and her daughter). 

Mimi and Pepe made a visit down here this past weekend that was jam packed with playing, references to Nascar, and all things Costco.  It was a smashing good time and Greta was very much upset this morning, wanting to know where Mimi and Pepe were.  I had to explain that they went home to go to "school" (work) and we will be seeing them in a few weeks.  Not okay with Gertie.  Dad gifted Gertie with a new toy:  A large plush lamb named Fred, fresh from a large box near the meat aisle in Costco.  Fred is now her reading buddy and sleeping buddy.  Fred, along with the rest of Gertie's gang (Pooh Bear (a plush toy that is NOT related to the Christopher Robin series), her "guys", a group of rubber squishy toys from the dollar aisle at Target). 

I am at 26 weeks and I am over being preggo.  Not complaining, just saying.  Ugh.  I suppose the amount of Dunkin Donuts pastries and Oreos consumed this weekend are not helping.

Happy Wednesday!

First, I had a wonderful playdate with two amazing ladies and their amazing children.  It is always great to be in great company with great conversation while our children play nicely.  Loudly, but nicely. 

Secondly, I am fuming mad right now.  After an hour long discussion with my freshman in high school neighbor, I am having SERIOUS doubts about sending Greta through the public education system.  Morgan, the neighbor, was showcasing her normal homework load.  I was not impressed.  Busy work, worksheets, thoughtless assignments, clearly from a vapid old tired teacher (s) with no intention of really teaching the students anything.  Morgan's big assignment for the night was a thesis essay, 3 pages, MLA format on the cause of WWI.  No introduction.  No prior/introductory knowledge/info to draw upon.  She has one day to do an assignment that was not modeled for her, "I do, we do, you do," with 200 pts. on the line.  Not okay.  I was fuming mad.  If this is the model/basis/norm for Homestead HS's freshman, Greta will NOT be attending.  There is a reason for homework.....practice what we learned today.  There is a reason for several kinds of assessments---"let's see if you know what you are doing."  New unit of study?  Let's kick it off with something exciting and fun to reel my students in so they are more engaged.  WWI is a HUGE part of world history.  I guess it is now covered in 2 weeks, celebrated with a 3 page essay.  Forget Franz Ferdinand and trench warfare.   I am very disturbed.  AND, this teacher apparently does not tolerate questions from her kids.  "If you don't know it, it isn't my fault."  WRONG OH.  Yet another reason why I hate the state of teaching today.  I won't go back.  Ever.  I could not handle having a teacher in my department like this.  They are old, bored, and hate their job.  Don't like it? LEAVE. 

I'm sure KADY will have something to say about this.  OH, and apparently because of all the missed days because of the weather, students are expected to just kinda breeze through all of the missed work and just know it already......Not sure how this works.  No delay in the quiz/test schedule.  GENIOUS.

And don't get me started on standardized tests........all of this makes homeschooling look more attractive.  I'd like Greta to experience Eastover Elementary and East Hills Middle School.  I had great teachers, which I didn't know at the time.  The men and women who taught me were passionate, caring, and clearly loved their jobs.  They were good at it.  It was evident in the results they saw in their students.  Their lessons were creative.  None of this worksheet crap business.  Ugh.

SIDENOTE:  I've been following a thread on my little sister's FB account, Dana Monforton. 32 comments later, I've learned an acquaintance from school is not only a jack ass, but a sexist, ignorant, bro-dude who is clearly misinformed.  I have no idea how he is married to a woman (who is not a man).  I'm embarrassed for him.  I invite you to read the thread.  I'm sure most of my blog readers are friends with Dana on FB.  It is seriously comical.  This, only to book end my twin's FB post about the people who bitch about their healthy children.  That was hilarious.  I guess it takes some serious health concerns to realize how lucky one can, especially when it relates to your children.  I know first hand what it is like to be scared TO DEATH about your child.  Not fun.  Sure, Greta has her days, but I never take her for granted or disrespect my job as her mother by exploiting her through some dumb FB post.  Really. 

And finally, hugs to my friend Katie who lost a friend this past week.  My heart is heavy for Katie, losing a friend.  My heart is heavy for the family who lost such an amazing wife, mother, and daughter.  Time is precious.

Oh more snow.  10" to be exact.  I am gloating over here, knowing my trusty Suby (Subaru) can navigate any of our icy roadways.  Sadly, our addition has horrible roads because no one here knows how to plow.  Not my problem. 

Greta is at the babysitter today, and it must be known that I have been somewhat productive:  Banana Bread, called three different places about misc. billing charges, returned some shirts to the mall.  Not a bad day.  Oh, and the dogs got their teeth cleaned.  Poor Beanie has horrible teeth and their $300 bill reflects that.  Ugh.

AND the Olympics start tonight.....I am more than excited.  I have already cried twice watching the get-to-know the athlete specials on NBC.  That means I am ready to begin cheering for our country.  My dream of becoming an Olympic bobsledder is on the back burner because of my growing belly.  A girl can dream.....

The mercy of the cold weather is ravaging my house----I have my first sinus infection/strep throat bout of the winter season.  Thankfully, I got it early.  (Less than 24 hrs after I noticed I was not feeling so hot), and thanks to a much needed trip to the walk in clinic, I am medicated and feeling better.  Nothing like feeling like your head is in a vice.  I am thankful for a wonderful MIL who took Gertie for the entire day on Tuesday while I retreated to my couch.  I am also thankful for the availability of a fabulous babysitter, Kiki, who took Gertie yesterday.  Today I am feeling muchos better.  A trip to a potential preschool, an oil change, and a trip to the local thrift store definitely felt like a productive morning.  (I still can't believe I am thinking about schools for Greta.  Time surely flies by.)

We survived our second bout of SUPER cold weather this week, offering temperatures from -10 to -22 degrees on Monday and Tuesday.  Um, I'll pass.  If we received a fresh layer of snow, I wouldn't be as bitter.  This time, no new snow, just cold.  Yuck.  We are suppose to get some accumulation tomorrow and Saturday, followed by a bigger dump on Tuesday.  My days of teaching haven't escaped me, as I still check my phone right when I get up to see if I "have school."  I suppose that will never go away.  Around here, the kids are looking to make up a week of school and we aren't even into February yet.

ATTENTION READERS:

If anyone is interested in donating some items, services, gift certificates to help  benefit an auction for my friend Kristy, please do!  Read about her here: 

https://www.facebook.com/kare4kristy

Kristy lives two streets away from Jennie and has become a great friend to Jennie.  Phil, Kristy's husband, was in Jennie and Chris' wedding and it is unbelievable that this is happening.  It is too close to home and incredibly sad.  If you have any money to spare or items you'd like to donate for auction, please contact Jennie, 812-343-1363.  Their medical bills are through the roof and she is still facing years of therapy ahead of her.  Anything will help!



Here are a few topics to think about.....

1.  Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl AFTER leaving the Colts.  I hope Jim Ursay is pissing himself.  Ursay is a douche who can't dress and clearly made a horrible decision.
2.  I am almost 22 weeks and I feel like my ass can't get any bigger.  OOOOhhhh I am SO excited for the next 18 weeks.  Sign me up.
3.  Our new mattress could not get here soon enough.  My back is killing me.
4.  My parents are on holiday.......for a bit......it is 80 degrees there every day.  Not.  Okay.
5.  My house is a disaster and even if I had the money to hire a cleaning lady, I'd be too embarrassed to let her in my dirty house.
6.  I need a vacation.
7.  Garage sale season is around the corner and I cannot wait.
8.  All I crave these days are lemonade, barbeque chips, and Italian sandwiches.  However, Chik Fil A is filling in nicely.
9.  My mommy guilt of not working for the last month is starting to catch up with me.  A master's degree and no income!?!?  That is my slogan every day that I wake up.  However, my time with Gertie is pretty amazing. 

Happy Thursday!

Note to self:

When Fort Wayne is expecting ANY snow amount, brace yourself.  The Rapture is approaching.  No joke.  Forget about any meat, dairy, bread, or water at Kroger.  Batten down the hatches and prepare yourselves.  It is ridiculous.  Further, when there is some amount of snow/ice on the roads, that does NOT mean drive like a crazed maniac in your Escalade or drive like Grandma Moses going 3 miles an hour.  Drive cautiously and slow down.  It is really not a big deal.  I feel like I need to get on the news and reconfirm to everyone that we won't die, face extinction, or find ourselves engulfed in flames.  This isn't the Hunger Games.

Moreover, I am going to shoot my eye out if I go another day listening to anyone bitch about Obamacare.  Seriously.  Let's talk about the NFL, subzero temperatures, OR how pretty the snow is. 

Christmas hath come and gone and I am currently loving the sunshine and snow that the New Year brought us.  I decided to go on hiatus with the Clean by Carrie, considering my back and hamstrings could not take it anymore.  Trips the chiropractor and Dave listening to me complain was enough for me---while I am only half way through the pregnancy, common sense tells me cleaning WON'T get any easier.  I decided to go with my gut and hang it up for now.  I am currently looking for a receptionist job---I run around enough with Gertie, I suppose I should find something stationary for the time being. 

It has actually been really nice, staying home with Greta for the last few weeks.  We have a nice schedule that includes at least a two hour nap in the afternoon.  I can't complain. The neighbor kids have been home for the last week and Greta loves having them over.  It is even better not having anxiety about what the week has to offer, juggling cleanings and trying to keep up with house.  I suppose this is a good time to mention a resolution I have for myself:  stop biting off more than I can chew.  I am notorious for this.  I will and take things as they come.

Aside for the holidays, and me going on a job hiatus, Dave got a new car.  The ol' Honda was ready to cross her rainbow bridge and I gladly ushered her across.  He purchased a 2011 Hyundai Sonata and he loves it.  He has an hour long commute to work and he deserves to drive that is SAFE and comfortable.  My Subura is great for now, but come spring, she'll be replaced as well.  The Forester can't accommodate two car seats.  It is too small.  Again, great foresight on my behalf.

Not only did Dave get a new car, but the Detroit Lions CANNED Schwartz!  (Great transition, right?)  I am waiting with baited breath upon their coaching choice. Bill Cowher and Jon Gruden are out of the mix, which stinks, but there are great choices out there.   Just not Jim Caldwell.  The Lions need someone who can run the show and deal with Stafford's ego.