We had a big weekend.....lots of activities and lots of things to celebrate. Most importantly, Dave and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. I can't believe it has already been 7 years! We now have a human offspring, and two dogs---quite a pack we are building.

(This is a picture from Dave and my trip Up North a few Labor Day's ago....We stayed at Adrienne's in-law's on Lake Michigan. Not only was it a beautiful weekend, but the Petersen's house is my dream house......think cottage on the lake meets Grosse Pointe meets ski chalet).

I am glad I married Dave---I can't imagine NOT having him in my life. I'd go insane. Seriously. I'm nuts already....he helps makes thing calm and organized. Love him.

After a week of not blogging, I am sorry. Truly, not much has happened. Aside from once again realizing how large my hooters are, the week has been pretty boring.

My twin is getting married in a few weeks and I have a strapless bridesmaid dress to wear. Of course, I have to reinforce my bust with yet more support (boning just won't do)----I had to travel up to Indy to a specialty bra store to find my answer: a $100 bustier that I will wear ONE TIME. It isn't pretty enough to wear for the husband. Nothing is pretty enough to wear for the husband when you have HUGE boobs. NOT COOL. Here is how the equation pans out:

Bridesmaid dress: $130
Alterations for the dress: $90
Bustier for the dress: $100
Looking like a hooter-ific bridesmaid at my twin's wedding: Priceless

Since Lauren Spierer's disappearance on June 3rd, I have been on the "look out" whenever I am out and about in Bloomington. When I am on the Clear Creek Trail or any other heavily wooded areas, I feel like the majority of my attention is beyond the trail, as I am trying to find Lauren too.

Sadly, it has been almost 5 months, and she has still not been found. However, I actually thought I found her when Greta, Beans, and I came across some large bones next to the concrete path we were walking on----I actually googled the Btown Police Department to ask someone if they could come out and look at the bones. Thankfully, some nice walker-ladies behind me verified they were deer bones from a nearby carcass.

No joke, whenever I am driving by the woods, I am asking myself, "Is Lauren in there?" Now that I am a momma, I can't imagine losing a child, let alone, having your child disappear out of thin air.

While we didn't find Lauren, Beans managed to take a dip in the stream and Greta fell asleep. I guess my inner C.S.I. agent will have to wait til our next walk. Dr. Haskell would be proud. (Dr. Haskell was one of my professors in college. He is an expert witness to several homicide trials because of his background in entomology, aka, maggots on bodies. He testified for the Casey Anthony (crazy bitch) trial while we were laid up at Comm North with Greta. Seriously, he is famous and I know him. Awesome.)

It's been a while since my last post, so I'll try to catch all of my readers (all 2 of them) up.....

1. The Lions kicked off their season with a 5-0 punch. Now, the wheels are beginning to fall off. It all started last week in Detroit when Dave and I went to the game. Yes, I am responsible for the last 2 losses. I jinxed them. I am not sure how to reverse their luck.

2. I joined a Mom's group in Bloomington. We walk every Monday morning (when Greta gets up before 9 a.m.). I am now super paranoid about being attacked on a walk (in broad daylight). With that being said, I asked a police officer at my local Marsh's salad bar about purchasing a taser gun. He said it was a good idea and I would not hurt myself in the even of using it. If I do decide to purchase one, I will be sure to post photos.

3. Because of the divorce that I am going through with my pelvic floor, I've made yet another effort to bridge the gap in our relationship. I start physical therapy again tomorrow. I'm hoping the pelvic floor starts following directions.

4. Dave, Greta and I had our family picture taken yesterday. We hoped that Beans and Biscuit would cooperate. Biscuit was too busy keeping the yard free of squirrels. Beans did what she did best----hammed it up for the camera. I hope they turn out ok.

As mentioned in my previous post, it is super shitty outside.....rain, wind, temps below 50 degrees. Not okay. Conditions would be okay if snow was in the forecast, but it's not. NO BUENO. Here are a few things you'll need for the cold weather to come:

Uggs, preferably a pair that have faded considerably.

Sweatpants, best if tapered and a color of the rainbow.

Carbs. We are talking pasta, bread, chips, etc. Nothing goes better with cold weather than a bag of chips. That is all I'm going to say about that.

A few things in the news I have to discuss:

The wild animals on the loose in Ohio. Really!?

Rachel Zoe discussing her exit from the hospital after delivering her baby: "Should I wear Chanel?" Really? Give me a damn break.

The Kim Kardashian wedding extravaganza. While I did enjoy her second wedding dress, the rest of the show was a total shitstorm. She's an idiot and he seems like he has the personality of a wet napkin.

Please discuss these recent stories in the news at the dinner table tonight. That is all.

Could this weather be any shittier?!?! I mean, seriously. Because it is so crappy outside, I am devoting my day to making soup. More info to come...

Detroit , What?!?! Part III

Love this sign. I think it should be a national billboard.

A snapshot of Vandenbosch during a commercial break. He is one big dude. Sadly, our presence at the game created some unsteadiness with Stafford. The Lions had the first loss of the season. We'll get 'em next week.

Yes, that is a homeless man behind us. Unfortunately, he did not have a ticket to the game.

Greta and Dave's first trip to the Franklin Cider Mill. The half dozen donuts we purchased were gone in about two hours.

Dave and I had a great weekend visiting my parents. Although we did not accomplish everything on our "List of Fun," we had a wonderful time.

Heading Home

The Norton Clan will be heading back to the Mitten this weekend for Jennie's final bridal shower (before her big day, Nov. 19). We are looking forward to some Michigan ohana time. Here are some of our Mitten activities that we have the ol' clipboard of fun agenda:

1. Franklin Cider Mill
2. The Made in Detroit store at Somerset.
3. Sinbad's on the Detroit River
4. The Lions/49ers game (sans Greta. She will be spending Sunday afternoon with her Pepe and
Nona).
5. Tim Horton's. They have the best coffee.
6. Leo's Coney Island and/or Olga's. Which ever one comes first.
7. Finally, Casa Mofo. Home of all things awesome.

Can't you hear the excitement in my voice? Too bad it is frigging 375 miles away.

Sidenote: With Jennie's upcoming nuptials, please refer to E! Network's trashrag of a program, Kim Kardashian's Fairytale Wedding. This show has made a complete mockery of the institution of marriage. Not only is Kim Kardashian a skanky whore (have you seen her sex tape?!!?), she has awful taste, and she married a total dud. Furthermore, she MADE money off her wedding. Therefore, she exploited herself. Embarrassing. However, it does make me feel a little better to know she has cellulite and wears Spanx.

Nothing exciting to share after an exhilarating weekend of football in Bloomington and on ESPN. NOT TO MENTION the Lions' win last night on MNF against the Bears. I wish I was living in the Mitten with all these amazing Michigan teams doing so well----

Dave, the mammal, and the furbabies and I will be heading home this weekend for Jennie's final bridal shower. I have only one destination in mind: The Franklin Cider Mill. Nothing goes with fall better than apples, cider, and fresh fried doughnuts.


The word on the street is that it was snowing in Colorado this weekend. I want to cry when I hear such news. I miss the mountains terribly. Nothing says depression like icy roadways in Indiana during the winter. Yuck.

On a brighter note, I had a delightful lunch with my friend Randi and her two boys this afternoon. Her sons are stinking cute. I wanted to eat them both.

And finally, I bought some new sweatpants at Target today. Not too tight, not too long, and the perfect amount of softies on the inside. Delicious.

IU Tailgate

Darian, Ciaran, and Max discussing Greece's economic crisis. Appropriate tailgate talk.

Two passed out adults across the road from us. This was too good to pass up.

Mande, Jennie, me, and Mags. Classy ladies.

I had been looking forward to yesterday's tailgate for weeks. We had beautiful weather, great conversation, and outstanding people watching. IU lost, what's new? On another note, Michigan won. I'm happy.

Roar

I've used this Title post before, but it must be done again. I waited with baited breath, watching the Tigers crank through their Game 5 battle with the douche-bag Yankees. I was texting with Kady during the second part of the game because Dave fell asleep (and I needed to discuss the game with someone). Thankfully, the Tigers pulled out a phenomenal win after a crappy-hitting game---I am super excited for their series with Texas. This totally trumps all the bad mouthing people in Bloomington have been doing----there are tons of Yankee fans down here (from all the east coast brats that go to school here).

Furthermore, the Lions/Bears game on Monday will be awesome----I think the Lions are gonna take the Bears by 10 points.....we'll see. Greta will be wearing her new onesie, compliments of Kady's creativity.

Roar!

Hell in a Handbasket

I was running errands yesterday with my sister, and one of the stops included a local Christian bookstore. I have NEVER ventured into one these lovely shops because, well, I've never had any interest in stopping in.....I had to find baptismal invitations for Greta's upcoming christening, and I surely thought the Christian bookstore would have what I was looking for. (Hallmark didn't seem to think they had anything like that.)

I walked in the store, was greeted by a kind woman behind the counter, and continued to eyeball the place for stationary/cards/invitations. The woman asked what I was looking for, and I replied, "Baptism invitations." She quickly replied, "A Catholic baptism?" I said, "Yes." She then said they had NOTHING Catholic in the store and continued to glare at me. Awesome. As I posted on Facebook, I already knew I was headed for hell, but this surely sealed the deal. Thanks, bitch woman at the "Christian" bookstore. Last time I checked, Jesus was a JEW. Way to be compassionate, kind, and understanding. I should have told her I was gay and was a current employee of an abortion clinic.

Public Flatulence

My sister and I were checking out at Target today. As we were standing in line, I did a quick "people watch" scan of those patrons nearby. I noticed a young college lady walking towards her friends in the check out line next to us. She silently worded to them, "I just farted." Priceless. I thought I was the only one that crop dusted in public.

Poor Decision Making Skills

A weekend of poor decision making.......Actually, it was a f*ing awesome weekend. Things kicked off with a hip-hop dance class, followed by some quality food, cocktails, and a suggestion by Adrienne. Ironically, Adrienne did not get inked. Happy Bachelorette, Jennie!