All Things HOT

I had to immediately come home to blog about my experience at Target today. Ok, so I stroll into Target to purchase some much needed equipment for the baby-borging experience (according to some of my Mommy friends). I stop at the Starbucks counter for a much needed non-caffeinated beverage and begin my quest.

My first stop: The Non Sexy Underpants Department. Yes, I was on a mission to find "Granny Panties." I hate this term for several reasons---I never EVER use the word panty...gross. I prefer underpants or unmentionables. Secondly, our grandmothers wear underpants and I've seen them. NOT HOT. Therefore, the two together is about as fun to imagine as two fat people having sexy times. GROSS. So, I rolled up to the Hanes section and found some very soft, stretchy, somewhat girly underpants. They looked comfty and big enough for my HUGE ASS to fit into them.

Next stop: The maxi pad aisle. OH goody! I haven't been to this aisle since MIDDLE SCHOOL. Holy Christ. SO MANY FLAVORS! I immediately called my friend Kady who texted me last night and HAD to tell me to buy pads for my hospital bag----She told me to get 3 flavors: CIRCUS size, LARGE, and Regular. Oh yea, hot action over here. So, I picked the biggest ones they had---oh God. I can't believe I'm going to be there in a few short days---no likey having things leak out of my lady parts, while sporting "box top" underwear (box-tops are underwear that look more like squares than something that would cover your ass).

And finally, on my way back out to the parking lot, I walked by a car that had a dirndl hanging in the back. Only in Bloomington. Of course this vehicle was a piece of shit with a million Save the Planet stickers on it---maybe this particular person is getting ready to do some polka dancing at the Rathskellar this weekend. (Sounds super fun. I love their beer). Again, a dirndl. Classy.

All in all, today was an interesting day. Maxi pads and hot underwear. I think its kinda ironic, considering those two items DO NOT help a couple get prego. In fact, that is REVERSE baby making items---At least I have a nice bikini wax to remind me that my mister found me remotely attractive at one time (before the HUGE ass, weird food cravings, stretchy pants, fat boobs, and sweet maternity fashions). Poor Dave.