Another Christmas gone by. Sadly, I did not get to enjoy John Denver's The Christmas Gift or have a white Christmas. HOWEVER, we had tons of fun with both of our families and we are happy to be back in Btown. I had SO much fun, I now have a sinus infection and a crap ton of stuff to put away. On a happier note, I received a Keurig single cover maker and some new spatulas. SUPER EXCITED. Also, I ate some Leo's Coney Island and watched the Lions win their way into the playoffs. Clearly, prayers are answered.

I would like to take this time to thank the nice lady at Sam's Club for watching my cart in the bathroom that housed Greta and my purse while I urinated. Yes, there are nice people out there. She spoke little English and I knew I could outrun her if she tried anything. Regardless, she was really nice. Merry Christmas.

Lots of Christmas tales to tell this year. Dave and I still in Fort Wayne on the tail-end of our Midwestern holiday tour. We will be back in the Bloomington Casa this evening. I have lots of updates in regard to our annual holiday hoodie exchange at the Monforton house on Christmas Eve---in short, this year's White Elephant exchange did involve a speculum. Bam!

More importantly, I've only had to wear jeans twice this whole week! (Sweatpants are a must during the holidays.)

More to come.......

I have joined a playgroup and I love all of the women and babies I have met. One of the women, Mackinizie, has a great blog that I started following. Check it out:
http://ayearonpins.blogspot.com/

Mackinizie hosted a cookie exchange and playdate at her house this past week. I came home with a bunch of cookies and a tired little Greta Fat Pants. Good times, good times.

My friend Sara came over for a short visit. In the two hour time that she was here, I have learned how to deliver puppies and take care of chickens. Clearly, Sara is a wealth of knowledge. Now I want chickens and to have a dog that will deliver puppies. Sadly, Beanie and Biscuit were rid of their ability to mother when we first adopted them.

The pictures above are from when we first brought Biscuit home from the hospital. She had a bad case of ringworm on one of her ears and a wonky eye. Puppy Perfection!

A few things....

1. I'm unimpressed by the Hallmark Channel's lineup of Christmas movies. I have yet to see John Denver's "The Christmas Gift." WTF?
2. Apparently I can get things done around the house if I rotate Greta's "stations:" Exersaucer, Bouncer, Car Bouncer, Floor Gym. I'm a bad mom.
3. I made chicken pot pie tonight. Not too shabby. It is all about the roux.
4. Beans flicked me off today on our way home from the vet. Ms. Beans received two shots.
5. The fabulous moms in my regular playgroup swear as much as I do. I love them.
6. The sheriff paid a visit to my neighbors house. Apparently opiates are a hot commodity when they are issued to your grandmother.
7. And finally, and most importantly, the Lions are basically one win away from making the playoffs. Roar!

Coffee. Cold Mountain. Freshly baked cookies. My kind of morning.

(If you are unfamiliar with Cold Mountain, it is one of the best movies I've ever seen. BEAUTIFUL cinematography, great acting, and Nicole Kidman with no fillers in her face. PLUS, Allison Krauss sings all the background vocals.) Oh, and the movie is WAY better than the book.

I am glad some of my readers enjoyed filling out their questionnaire----I love doing these kind of activities. I'd like to expand on this a bit more.......

1. If you won the 250 Million Dollar Lottery jackpot tomorrow, what would you do with the money?

Well, I'd start out by paying all of my crap medical bills from my botched delivery of Greta. Then, I'd hire an Italian hit man to throw dog poo at a certain OB/GYN's car. And finally, I'd hire my own personal pelvic floor therapist to get my parts back in working order. Now for the fun stuff.....

1. Buy a house in Steamboat that my entire family (ohana) could enjoy. This would also include my extended ohana like Calli, Adrienne, Katie Whorf, Mollykins, Jamie, Elisabeth, and my Cookie sistas. The residence would also include a few cars for transportation, snowmobiles, a chef, and a massage therapist. There would be a bounty of skis/snowboards for folks to use.
2. Buy my dad a custom Corvette. He can finally have his Baywatch yellow car and listen to the Beach Boys in style.
3. Buy my parents a general contractor to rebuild the back of their house that would include a new kitchen, television room, another bathroom, and bedroom. (as well as an interior designer)
4. Buy an RV for my father in law, so he can cruise around the US with my mother in law. I'd also make sure he had a trailer to pull his motorcycle (that I would also purchase for him).
5. I'd buy my brother in law, Ben, a space to start a baseball academy.
6. I'd buy Tim Tebow a prostitute.
7. I'd pay off all my school loans, as well as all of my siblings'.
8. I'd send my mom to Salzburg to do the Sound of Music tour.
9. I'd buy my Aunt Denise a puppy.
10. I'd get season tickets to the Tigers, Lions, and Wings and a box at each venue.
11. I'd go to Hawaii for two months and drink margaritas on the beach. This trip would also include my family and pals.
12. And finally, I'd have the most kick ass party that would include entertainment from Van Halen, Joey's wedding band, and Bob Seger. The Kardashians would NOT be invited.

What about you? I love comments.....

I saw this on another blog I read periodically, and I thought I'd give it a tear......

A. Age – 32. However, I feel 25 but look 53.

B. Bed size –Queen. I would strangle someone for a King size bed. There isn't enough room for the two humans, a pint size human, and two four-leggeds in our bed.

C. Chore that you hate – Dishes. I hate doing the dishes. For some reason, I think if we had a garbage disposal, I'd enjoy it more. Yuck.

D. Dogs – A Beans and a Biscuit. Both Humane Society/rescue specialties. Beanie is a beagle mix. Biscuit is a border collie/German Shepherd mix. Most importantly, they both have white-tipped tails and VERY soft ears.

E. Essential start to your day – Picking Greta Fat Pants out of her crib as she smiles, farts, and makes pteradactyl noises. Best start to any person's day.

F. Favorite color –Black. Black looks good on everyone. My car, Meteora, is a black like the night. Very mysterious.

G. Gold or silver – White Gold. Classy, elegant, timeless. Yellow gold looks terrible on me.

H. Height – 5'4" I wish I was 5'7".

I. Instruments you play – Seriously?! None. I suck at all things related to music.
J. Job title – Gateekeeper to All Things Awesome at Norton Ohana, Inc. (Stay at home mom).

K. Kids – Margaret Elizabeth, age: 6 months and 8 days.

L. Live –Bloomington, Indiana (but I'd rather be in Michigan or Colorado. Both places have skiing.)

M. Mother’s name – Jan. There are lots of moms named Jan in the Midwest.

N. Nicknames – Carol or Carla. I won't answer to Dave when he calls me Carrie.

O. Overnight hospital stays – Oh let's see......Boobies and Baby. (There have been lots of surgeries, but thankfully not too many over-nighters.)

P. Pet peeves – Gross feet, bad highlights, muffin top, marshmallow fluff, bad drivers, tacky landscaping, bad beer, hoarding, Ohio State, white trash, bad siding on a house, different styles of Christmas lights on display together, gold lame', tapered/pleated pants, stacked shoes, fanny packs.

Q. Quote from a movie – There are too many to count, but I usually will reference Steel Magnolias and Home for the Holidays on a regular basis.

R. Right or left handed –Right

S. Siblings – 3 biological, 4 by marriage. I'm also a twin.

T. Time it takes you to get ready – If I'm trying to look normal, 45 minutes. If I don't care, 8 minutes.

U. Underwear – The larger the better.

V. Vegetable you hate – Radishes.

W. What makes you run late – I have a kid and two dogs. Give me a break.

X. X-rays you’ve had – Right foot, right hand, ribs, right knee, back, wrist, right ankle.

Y. Yummy food you make – I think I make a mean lasagne, sausage and peppers, and egg pie.

Z. Zoo animal – Anything baby, and meerkats. Beans looks like a meerkat.

I have not been the best blogger lately, and for that, I apologize. I am trying to embrace the season of Jesus' birthday by baking, and hanging Christmas decor. Thankfully, Jennie came down this past weekend to assist with the decor. The baking, well, it is going ok. I am currently marinating some cream cheese cookie dough in my fridge as I type----they will be morphed into a kolachky type cookie with raspberry preserves. I hope they turn out swell.

During the "hallerdays" (holidays), I usually spend my free time watching Christmas movies that involve wintry movie sets and beautiful houses (The Family Stone, The Holiday, Prancer). However, yesterday I veered off course and watched Prime, starring Bryan Greenburg. While this movie has nothing to do with Christmas (as it shows the dynamic in a Jewish household), there is some connections---Bryan Greenburg is Jewish (and Jesus was a Jew), AND the end scene involves a restaurant on a snowy night. Boom, there you go. I recommend viewing it if you haven't done thus far. Bryan Greenburg is delicious and Uma Thurman's hair is glorious.

And finally, Dave and I attended our first holiday party at his boss' house. There was a white elephant gift exchange that took place. I took it seriously and went to the Goodwill to find my treasures. The other folks purchased their treasures at real stores----maybe they didn't get the memo? The treasures I purchased involved a used ashtray from a medical conference circa 1999 and a Ronnie Milsap album from 1976. Ah-mazing.

Today was one of the those days when I wished Ed McMahon would have shown up at my doorstep with a one million dollar check and a dozen balloons. No such luck. Instead, Biscuit bit the UPS man, Greta had a level 7 blow out, Greta also has some sort of cold which causes her to have major congestion, and the 40 pounds I would like to lose DID NOT magically disappear in my sleep last night. WTF.

However, the sun did shine nicely today and the UPS man is not going to sue us (thanks to Amber at the Combs Vet Clinic for talking him off the ledge). We now await Auntie Jennie and Uncle Chris to grace us with their presence tomorrow evening.

To top off my night, and hopefully improve my situation, I am going to watch Friends with Benefits in the hopes that J. Timberlake will make all things right in the world (as I down a dozen butterscotch cookies in my tapered sweatpants).

I can proudly say our Christmas tree is now up and fully decorated. Beans usually assists me in the process, laying in the pieces of tree as they are scattered all over the floor before assembly. (We have to have a fake tree because Dave is allergic---or "allergict" as I've heard it.) Sadly, Beans was already turned in for the night, so Dave and I were left to tackle this project alone.

On an even brighter note, Jennie and Chris are heading down here on Friday to assist with our Weekend-Warrior-Project-of-the-Month: Building a new closet off the master bedroom. When this project is over, I will no longer worry about Niecy Nash visiting our house with the rest of the crew of "Clean House." That is how bad my closet looks. Not enough room.

And finally, I would like to share my most recent If-I-Won-the-Lottery Dream Sequence scenario: Having an amazing Polish woman who would visit the house twice a week and cook Polish delicacies like stuffed cabbage and pierogi. This scenario would fall into 24th place behind hiring Van Halen to play a summer party at Kid Rock's house with all my friends present and paying off all of my college loans and credit card debt.

A few observations made today as I ventured to Greenwood:

1. The Christmas Tree Shoppe is full of crap, not treasures. It is one step up from Family Dollar.
2. Regardless if it was 40 degrees and rainy today, I saw a whole mess of jerks wearing flip flops, shorts, short sleeved shirts, and no coats. This is annoying because their small children were dressed the same way.
3. No magical elf stopped by my house last night to put up my Christmas decorations. WTF.
4. I saw a preview for Katherine McPhee's new dance/singer/drama, "Smash." It looks awful and amazing all at the same time.
5. I met a NICU nurse who works at Riley today while running my errands. I thanked her for the amazing job she does for all the babies there. If I didn't mind poop, skin infections, and gross people in general, I would have become a nurse.
6. This week, Greta Fat Pants will be turning 6 months. My little unicorn is no longer little. :(
7. Finally, I found an amazing radio station on Pandora: Mariah Carey Christmas. Tune in: It'll change your life.

An unproductive day. It all started with my wardrobe choice: tie-dyed shirt from a random summer camp I worked at, Dave's old soccer warm up pants with paint stains all over them, and my SJC sweatshirt. Oh, no socks. Slippers.

I did, however, shower.

This was the extent of my "production" today. I'm waiting for a magical leprechaun to show up and complete my "TO DO LIST:"
1. Put up Christmas decorations.
2. Finish the laundry.
3. Finish organizing/cleaning Greta's room.
4. Finish organizing/cleaning our room.
5. Clean the basement.
6. Put up Christmas lights outside.

I'm up for any person/animal/creature coming to my house to complete these tasks for the low, low, LOW price of FREE. (My friendship is priceless).

Go Lions!

Oh, and I'm pissed at Mother Nature. She was suppose to bring SNOW, not RAIN. Boo. It's December. I've been patient. Where's my snow?!?!