Wedding Bells are Chiming

Ok, in lieu of Jennie's upcoming nuptials, I would like to dedicate this blog to all the wedding haters in the world. Yes, you know who you are. I will gladly create a numerated list of behaviors/tendencies/gestures/sayings/comments that "haters" make towards the bride, bridal party, groom, attendees, etc. Here we go:

1. When the bride is 31, not 21, she may invite whoever she damn well pleases. It's a wedding, not prom. This includes family members, co-workers, and so called "friends" from college.

2. The bride may create her list of attendants as she fancies: Again, this is not prom or the volleyball team. Usually, the older the bride is, the smaller the amount of bridesmaids. Bridesmaids=$$

3. When there is a disclaimer on the invitation that reads: No Children Please, you child does not meet the exception. Keep little Bobby at home so Mom and Dad can get loaded.

4. Children at weddings suck. Who the hell wants to hear a crying baby during the first dance?! Yea, I'm sure we've all heard that. Or, my personal favorite, when a baby runs across the dance floor during the Daddy/Daughter dance---not frigging funny.

5. Wedding traditions are bogus. Do whatever the hell you want. I've actually heard "haters" refer to non-church ceremonies at unGodly. Give. Me. A. Break. My brother got married in a garden and it was the most beautiful wedding in the whole wide world. The only thing that was missing was a box of puppies resting nicely beside their feet.

6. If you are invited to a wedding, bring a NEW gift. No one wants something from Ebay, even if it is a little bit used. I like to think of this when receiving a wedding invite: The bride's parents are at least shelling out $75 bucks for you (their guest) to attend a fancy dinner. Bring a nice gift.

7. Don't wear jeans and a golf shirt to a wedding. Yes, I witnessed this horrible crime on 2 occasions---I was wearing Calvin Klein and they were wearing Boundary Waters. It wasn' t pretty. Again, $75 dinner does not mean casual on the golf course or at the local Elks Lodge.

8. Because of people making poor choices, a bride must now be forced to add disclaimers to the invitation----No Children Please, Coat and Tie, Ceremony begins promptly at 7, etc. Guests who show up late, dressed inappropriately with their damn kids in tow---don't come. Take a hike to the local Steak and Shake and call it a night. Yes, this means you.

9. Those who attend a wedding may have some constructive feedback of their experience. However, that feedback should be kept private. No one really wants to hear it---especially at the wedding. I'd like to see someone plan a huge event on a budget and a lame family in tow. I'm sure if we were all Nicole Richie or Jessica Simpson, our weddings would resemble frigging Cinderella's special day.

When I had the pleasure of planning my own wedding almost 7 years ago, I was honored to be assisted by a Mr. Wedding Planner extraordinaire at the Fort Wayne Marriott. He was fabulous. I called him Fraank.....Like Frank, but classier. After our first meeting, we were exiting his office and pulled close and said in my ear, "You're a classy bride. I can tell. This won't be prom 2000. I love it." And there you have it-----

So, next time you are invited to wedding, asked to serve as an attendant, or asked by a friend to help, be mindful of these things. Unfortunately, not everyone has a working brain or an etiquette bone in their body. I can honestly say the majority of those folks resides in Western Bloomington. Have a nice day.