Totally Awesome

So today was a great day for two reasons:
1. I learned AFTER I ventured to my mailbox (in front of my house....where the public can see) that my pants were on backwards this morning.
2. Greta had an extreme blowout at a lovely Mexican restaurant where I was trying to eat dinner. Thankfully, my company thought it was hilarious. I was also thankful I had a change of clothes in her diaper bag.

Go Tigers.

Since when was it acceptable to wear jeans to a funeral? Teeshirts? Basketball shoes? Yes, I saw all of these things at my dear neighbor's funeral today. NOT OKAY. Jim, our neighbor, spent time overseas with the Air Force during the Korean War, therefore, he had a beautiful military service at the burial. As the horn played Taps, I looked around and was baffled by the amount of casual wear I saw----this was a funeral for God's sakes. HOWEVER, when I die, I want everyone to show up in their favorite pair of sweatpants.

Puppy alert: Danger!

Beans and I ventured to Petsmart this morning for a bag of Kibbles (Nutro, actually) and some treats. LOW AND BEHOLD, we encountered a magical little lab pup named Ruby. She was squishy and delicious. Beans was NOT impressed. Beans delicately showed her fang and turned her head. I proceeded to love on this puppy like it was the last puppy on earth. She was so soft and smelled just as I thought---like a puppy. What a great way to start a Wednesday!

(I think Beans is suffering from post traumatic puppy disorder from the arrival of both Biscuit and Greta. She has written several letters to Santa discussing her need for a new home with NO other siblings. Santa keeps sending them back.)

Well shit!

So today started off like a normal Monday---Greta gets up smiling around 8 a.m., I change her diaper (thorax), feed her, watch some Sportscenter, clean the kitchen....got me? Nothing fancy. The sun was shining, unlike the dreadful weather of this weekend (and my birthday)....I'm thinking "today is going to be a great day." I had a doctor's appointment at 1 p.m.---I got there on time, everything is fine. I see the nurse practitioner, again, everything is fine. I got the pharmacy desk to check out and I am confronted with THE BIGGEST BITCH EVER. I hate people like this----just when you think the day is going great, you encounter a skankoid and her obnoxious gum chewing habit. This pharmacy "tech," i.e., dumbass who claims to be a doctor, is chomping away on her gum as she rudely explains she can't fill my Restasis rx. I was very calm and collected (unlike me), and finished checking out with her. I go on to the next check out counter from my appointment and complain for about five minutes about how the woman at the pharmacy is a fucking bitch and she ruined my day. Delores, the receptionist, very nicely apologized----I informed her that she does NOT have to apologize for anyone because she (Delores) was as nice as nice could be. UGH!

Oh, and to top things off, when they called my name to go back to the exam room, they called me "Caro-lin." I HATE THAT. Did this lady NOT take a phonics class in 2nd grade? L-i-n-e spells LINE. Like, CARO-LINE. Like the princess. Like the oldest Manzo woman on RHONJ. I quickly corrected her and smiled (in my head, I was flicking her off).

Thankfully, the episode where David cheats on Donna with Ariel and the end of year Mardi Gras festival is on 90210 today. At least I have that going on.

Oh, and Dancing with the Stars is on tonight. Again, another thing to look forward to.

That is all.

Greta's expression is a great way to sum up my weekend. I hit the big 3-2 AND the Lions won. A great way to kick-off the fall season. (This all was accomplished while wearing blue tapered sweatpants. Classy, yes.)

A few things on my mind during the last week......

I recently saw two great documentaries. The first, The Pat Tillman Story, uncovered the tragic exploitation of Pat Tillman, deceased member of the NFL and the U.S. Army. Basically, he left the NFL to join the Army. He was killed by friendly fire, which was soon followed by the U.S. government making a mockery of his life----they claimed he joined the Army because of 9/11 (untrue), then said he was killed in combat (another lie). Pat's courageous mother and father later testified in front of Congress asking for an investigation---basically the Army lied and the government knew about it. SAD.

The second documentary, The Business of Being Born, is a documentary about midwifery and home births. NOW, this documentary hit very close to home after experiencing such a horrible hospital delivery with Greta. The long and short of the film was bringing up the idea of hospitals as a business, therefore, doctors are going to do whatever they can to reel in as much money from a birth as they can....i.e., C-Sections, pitocin, LOTS of medical interventions. Like many women out there, my birth experience left me terrified, sad, angry, and mostly taken advantage of. I highly recommend this film to any mother/soon to be mother---it will definitely get your wheels spinning in regard to making birth choices.

And finally, the Lions won today. I have been saying since the preseason that that Lions would be awesome this year. They are currently 3-0 and I don't want to eat my words come Christmas. If Matthew Stafford can stay healthy, it will be a great season for them.

It's been a while, so I am going to do my Highlights/Lowlights of the week:

HIGHLIGHTS:
-Fall is upon us. That means one thing: Cider Mill Donuts.
-Season premieres have started----all my trash shows have come back....90210, One Tree Hill,
and Dancing with the Stars.
-Beans and Biscuit bagged another squirrel last week. One less squirrel in the universe works
for me.
-Colder weather means covering up all my hamburger delicious (fat) that now covers the
majority of my body. My obsession with leggins will continue into the winter season.
-My little sister, Dana, finished her campaign in Baltimore. She will finally meet Greta!

LOWLIGHTS:
-I still haven't found a cleaning lady that will whip my house into shape for a reasonable $2 an
hour.
-I woke up yesterday and my baby weight was still attached to me. Bummer.
-I have to listen to bitching Indianapolis Colts fans on every news channel, every day.
Newsflash: the Colts WILL suck without Peyton Manning.
-Due to the tragic and sudden death of squirrel #8 this year, Beans suffered yet another injury
ending the squirrel's life. In short, our vet is $75 richer.
-Lastly, although I did not play the lottery this week, I expected to win. Shit.

November marks the month when the latest installment of Twilight comes out----I can hardly contain myself.

I spent the last several days in Chicago with my twin----I have been slacking on the blogging. I am truly sorry (to the 4 readers I have). A few things:

1. Chicago is awesome because there are quality ethnic food restaurants at every corner.
2. The Chappelle Show needs to make some more episodes. If you haven't watched, you're grounded. Funny. Shit.
3. No one cares about the X Factor. American Idol sucks. Why would the X Factor be any better?
4. Glee started this week. Awesome.
5. Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace. Give me a damn break. I guess I can finally change my name to Comfy Sweatpants.
6. The Detroit Tigers clenched their division. I could not be more excited for the post season. I truly believe they have a shot at the pennant.
7. Jennie's bachelorette party is approaching. I am developing a playlist for the weekend. I am sure I won't leave out Bobby Brown or Color Me Badd.

That is all.

Starbucks, starfucks

I ventured out (with the mammal in tow) to Starbucks on the southside to meet my friend Mr. Steve Scott, history extraordinaire. Steve was a regular at my Starbucks when I worked there--we have kept in touch ever since. I meet up with Steve once every six months to discuss history, politics, and life in general. He is probably one of the smartest people I know (next to Alex Trebek and Fareed Zakaria). After a delightful discussion about the Tea Party, Lauren Spierer, and firearms, it was time to head out. I soon realized that Greta had a blowout---we quickly went to the bathroom to remedy the situation. HOWEVER, upon entering the bathroom, I soon discovered there was no "changing station." (A Changing Station is that shelf that folds down from the wall in an effort to make diaper changing easier.) NOT GOOD. Thankfully, I had an extra burp cloth in my diaper bag because I had to change Greta on the floor. GROSS> C.P.S. should have arrested me. I quickly learned she had blown-out through her onesie AND pants (as well as on to my pants. Yes, awesome.) SO, I got her all spiffed up and out we were-----My new mission in life is to ensure there is a baby changing station in each public restroom. It is gross enough changing a baby in a public restroom, LET ALONE doing it on the floor. GOOD GOD.

On a brighter note, the weather today was beautiful----You know what cooler weather means? Yep, more clothing to hide my hamburger delicious that has made residence on my butt/thighs/stomach. Thank you, fall!

UGGs are NOT slippers

I had a minor "speaking engagement" at Sunnyside Elementary School today. My friend, Jamie, invited me to speak to her 6th graders about blogging. Each student in Jamie's room has created their own blog and I gladly went to support their newest creative venture. It was great to get back into the classroom, especially since Jamie's kids are so sweet. Jamie is an incredible teacher. If there is one person that was born to teach, it is Jamie. She has invested so much of her time and energy to each of her students. She is truly an inspiration. I don't have that much patience (or a love of education).

The Tigers have won 12 in a row. Greta is showing her support tonight by wearing her special Tigers slippers. Verlander is on fire, just like the rest of the team. I hope they continue to hit well and field even better. I am praying for post season success---winning the pennant! Go Tigers!

On a lighter note, Tom Brady is the new celebrity spokesperson for UGG boots. I don't need to glorify this advertisement decision with any more of my energy. DOUCHE. BAG.

Plaxico Burress has not shot himself in the leg again, so he is having a good week.

Lastly, the Bachelor Pad finale was so stupid. I will no longer speak highly of this made-for-garbage television show. My allegiance has returned to 90210 and the Real Housewives franchise.

That is all.

**FYI, for those followers who are interested in having my friend Kady Becker make Detroit Lions onesies for them, please harass her on Facebook wall.

Here's a few tips:

If you are looking for a "good morning pick-me-up," don't try on your pre-pregnancy jeans.

Always, ALWAYS take off your son/daughters socks before changing a poopy diaper.

The first nap in their crib will only last 10 minutes (compared to the cozy two hour nap they get while Mom/Dad holds/rocks them).

Don't watch the Indianapolis afternoon news. It is depressing, maddening, and disappointing. (If I hear about another child neglect case, I'm going to go honey badger on someone. How is it that a 4, 3, and 1 year old can "wander" out the front door, three blocks from their home, and play in the middle of a busy intersection?)

If you allow your children to pick out their outifts BEFORE they begin adolescence, I believe they are less likely to dress like a freak. Today, Greta is wearing a purple shirt, grey sweatpants, and red striped socks. Yes, she picked this outfit out by herself. I can't wait til she gets her hands on her "recital" dresses.

Detroit , What?!?! Part II

A great weekend for all of my favorite sports teams. The Lions got their first regular season win against Tampa Bay. Mark my words, they'll go 12-4 this season. Go Lions!

The Tigers swept the Twins, which puts them in an even better position going into the post season. I really think this is their year, just like '84:

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7839515&tcid=fb_DET_7839515&c_id=det


ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9/11

I dread this day----it is strange how one day can bring out feelings in you that usually lie dormant the rest of the year. I spent Friday night (while Dave was at softball), watching 9/11 stuff on all the news channels. Sitting there alone, sobbing, I recalled the day that the towers fell, just like it happened yesterday. I remember watching the television on that morning, thinking in my heart that the U.S. was under attack, and there was nothing I could do about it. I seriously believed that Chicago would be next, then L.A., then Dallas, and so on.....I felt helpless, sad, and most of all, scared. The following days, it was like I had witnessed a murder first hand. To this day, whenever I see 9/11 stuff on television, my eyes immediately begin to water and I go back to that place when I first experienced it. I hope to God Greta never has to live through something like that----I remember talking to my little sister later on that night when it first happened, asking her what Mom and Dad were doing. She said they were all sitting in front of the television following the news and that all of them had tears in their eyes.

As I drove to Ohio today with Dave, we listened to the memorial over the radio. I started to cry as the families of those lost read aloud the names of those who perished-----I am forever thankful and grateful I don't know any of those people. Though I do reel for those families who DID lose someone......a brother, sister, mom, dad, daughter, son, grandparent......it is really just so sad.

While I rarely make remarks about religion, to this day I guess I'll never understand where the Al Quaeda people are coming from......they have families too......what if this happened to them? I wonder sometimes if they are truly soul-less.

In light of the sadness I feel, this day makes me appreciate my family and friends more. I know how incredibly blessed I am to have to have my health, a great husband, a miracle of a daughter, and pretty nice life.

Are you ready for some football?

(Greta was in my belly. Thankfully, the six beers I consumed that day did not affect the outcome of my daughter's health. )

Oh yeah! One of my favorite times of year (next to Christmas)----football season is upon us! I can't wait for tomorrow's game.....Michigan v. Notre Dame, at the Big House. I am optimistic that Michigan will turn it around this year. New coach, same great quarterback. Good things, good things.

Once again, Notre Dame is TOTALLY overrated going into season-----I feel bad for Brian Kelly. ND is a hard program to follow. (Afterall, if you don't win the National Championship, you're out. Ty Willingham did a great job and he wasn't able to stick around to see his seniors graduate. Whatever.)

Dave and I will be taking Greta to her first tailgate at IU tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll have some great weather so I can throw back a few brew-dogs and talk some trash. (It is very ironic, considering Dave and I found out we were expecting the day after the Michigan/IU tailgate last year. We pretty much figured out I was pregnant with Greta this time last year.)

Furthermore, I, along with all the other NOT Colts fans, could CARE LESS about Peyton Manning's neck. Let's focus on my important issues such as Plaxico Burress staying out of jail, Obama saving the economy, and most importantly, keeping the white shoes in our closets (because Labor Day is over).

Roar

The Detroit Lions are ranked 16th going into the regular season. While they improved significantly last year, they didn't make it to the Superbowl. I propose a higher ranking. They have a healthy quarterback, a large man named Suh, two great back-up quarterbacks, and the blessing of a city occupied by a Mr. Kid Rock (and a killer coney dog). Who needs Terrible Towels?!?! The Lambeau Leap!?!?! The Icky Shuffle?!?! Exactly. I think they'll make the playoffs. (And when they do, I can retire my Steelers jersey.)

$$ food

I enjoy watching the Barefoot Contessa. I love the food she cooks because they seem to be normal dishes. HOWEVER, has anyone ever noticed how expensive her food is?! A little beef bourgignon? Yes, with 3lbs of filet.....a little appetizer cheese tray with $25 a pound aged white cheddar?!? Just an observation.....

Three Months Ago....

I've made it to the three month mark. Greta is three months old today. I cannot believe how fast time flies. It is interesting, I'm three months out from having Greta and I'm just NOW feeling like I am getting the hang things.....NO, my house is NOT the condition I'd like it to be in (and the same goes for my ass). I thought by now I'd be training for the Free Press Half Marathon, or at least doing some form of regular strenuous exercise. Well, I'm not. I walk everyday for about 45 minutes. I break a sweat because I'm out of shape, NOT because I'm working hard. I haven't even thought about trying on my jeans. I'd need Dave here to emotionally support me through that course----They say your body changes after giving birth. Holy hell, they were right. I still have a hard time reading in my news periodicals (People, US Magazine, Life and Style) about those moms that are back to their original size 0 just weeks after giving birth. I'm mean, really?!?! HOWEVER, I will give myself snaps because I have been "pulling it together" before venturing out into public. I have sworn off the Crocs and socks combo in public, as well as my tapered sweatpants. I am thankful leggings are in style---they are my saving grace. I'm also thankful "yoga pants," a.k.a., fancy sweat pants are in style too. Again, soft and comfy are my staples. I'd like to say the same for Greta. I am trying to keep in real as I transform back into my normal self.

Dance Moms

So I found this ditty of a television show on Lifetime called Dance Moms. In a nutshell, it is a reality show featuring an Hitler-esque dance company instructor, her dancers and their psycho moms. It is awesome. It is up there with Toddlers and Tiaras.

The lesson here is that I will not be psycho parent. Period.

Rachel McAdams

Ok, so Rachel McAdams is awesome. Not only does she star in my favorite movie, The Family Stone, but she is also Canadien. EVEN BETTER. I have yet to see a movie that she is in, that I don't like. I just saw a trailer for her new movie with HOT ASS Channing Tatum and it looks amazing....a total romantic tear-jerker, but nonetheless, awesome:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/03/the-vow-trailer-rachelmcadams_n_871132.html

AND, she is visibly NOT anorexic and looks like a normal person. I loves me some Rachel.