Wedding Day!

Ok, so I just woke up (I'm taking a personal day to attend Maggie and Ciaran's Chicago wedding), and immediately turned the computer on to check out the Royal wedding coverage. I can't get enough of this. I will surely write more later when I'm actually awake, but here are a few things that I had to mention:

1. Kate's dress is gorgeous. I want to get married all over again and wear lace sleeves and carry lily-of-the-valley in my bouquet.
2. Posh and Becks.
3. Kate's dress.
4. The royal kiss on the balcony.
5. Prince Harry is hot. I would totally buy porn if he was in it.
6. Kate's dress.

That is all. Cheerio!

Wonk Eye

My question of the day:

If someone has a "lazy" eye, which eye are you suppose to look at? This question has been haunting me all day after a run-in with a person affected by lazy-eye-ness.

On a separate note, the poor Chicago Blackhawks were ousted from Stanley Cup contention last night after losing an O/T battle with the Vancouver Canucks. Therefore, it is my Detroit-born duty to talk some smack.
Firstly, I hate the Blackhawks.
Secondly, how many Stanley Cups have the Red Wings won in the last twenty-five years?
Lastly, the Red Wings have a Mule on their team named Johan Franzen.
That is all.

God Bless America and Go Wings.

NKOTBSB, say what?

A few things from today.....

New Kids on the Block teaming up with the Backstreet Boys on Dancing with the Stars. Not sure what all this means.....I hope it isn't Armageddon.

On a different note, I purchased Band of Brothers to re-ignite my love of WWII history---I've seen the mini series about six times, but I figured I needed to read the book to get the full effect. Recently it has been discovered that Dave's great uncle Charlie was apart of a bridge engineering brigade during WWII that followed directly behind the 101st Airborne. AWESOME. It is pretty amazing we have Utah Beach in our history----definitely something to share with Baby Norton when she is old enough to appreciate it. I invite all of my readers to take a few minutes this week to read up on our amazing WWII veterans and their courageous service. They are TRUE heroes. Unfortunately, their stories are fading away as these heroes are passing away. If you know a veteran, ask them about their experience----their perspective and experiences are too important not to hear.

Biscuit's three day hunger strike has ended. Thank. You. God. She returned to puppy school, had a great report, then came home and gobbled down her porridge (Nutro Max dog food mixed with a tablespoon of spaghetti). She is preserving energy for her three day stay at overnight camp this weekend with her baby sister.

Fast and the Furious Pt. 5 is now on the silver screen. I just puked in my mouth. (However, Paul Walker is hot. However, not as hot at Jake Gyllenhaal.)

I went to visit my special unicorn princess friend, Ms. Sophie Rahmany, at Peyton Manning Hospital. Hopefully, she will be on the mend after her big case conference on Thursday. I do strongly believe buying her a puppy might help her eating efforts. Just thought I'd throw that one out there.

I went for my 33 week check up. Apparently Baby Norton is measuring big. I'd like to start taking wagers when our little hatchling is due to arrive.

Happy Ham Day!

In celebration of the resurrection of Christ, I helped my momma in law make a kick-ass ham. It involved slow and low cooking, apricot preserves and dijon mustard. Delish! We celebrated in true Fort Wayne (Fort Awesome) fashion by eating a ton....all day......discussing professional sports.....wise cracking about prior holiday eating, and most importantly, the newest addition to the Koch Family: Ms. Eleanor Claire Krauss. Dave's cousin Sara gave birth to this beautiful unicorn princess almost one month ago----I got to hold her and stroke her baby bird hair as well as change three poopy diapers. She is so cute! I tried to administer one of the five "S" imperatives from the Happiest Baby on The Block book in an effort to ease her fussiness last night and it worked! My sssshhhhing was off the charts. Granted, I was holding her football style. I enjoy this baby hold because is pushes all the baby gas out, and when they do fall asleep, it is like holding a sac of potates.....puppy potatoes! So cute! I don't have pics yet, but I'll be sure to post them when I get them from Dave's momma.

I feel slightly ginormous today, so my hands are super swollen. They look like two blown-up surgical gloves. Happy Easter!

Suck It, Cancer!

I recently found out that my roommate from college's dad was diagnosed with some nasty cancer. Sadly, it is allover his body after metastasizing from portions of his skin. This sucks. It is always great news to hear of people being cancer free (Shirlee Clevenger = Hero; Alan Richardson = Hero) especially after demonstrating such bravery and strength during chemo and radiation treatments. I am always optimistic about recovery, knowing doctors today are armed with amazing cancer fighting weapons and strategies. Regardless, it is always scary hearing the "c" word. This also brings up several emotions within me after going through a similar process with my little sister Dana.

Dana was diagnosed with a series of tumors in her spinal cord over two years ago that turned out to be benign. We could not have been more thankful----although she went through a very painful surgery and recovery. Still, the tumors haven't returned and she is back to normal. Those days before the surgery and after, waiting to hear the pathology was terrifying. I am thankful every day that we did not have to experience that, though I know we as a family would have rallied around her and supported her in every way possible. She began blogging about her experience after initially hearing about the tumors:
www.danakmonforton.blogspot.com

During her recovery time, her BFF Katie mentioned running a half marathon in Annapolis---I thought this would be a great time to raise money for the hospital's cancer center where Dana was treated. I only raised about $200, but it was very short notice. After hearing news of my college roommate's dad, I have decided I'm going to go ahead and run another half marathon. This time, I'm going to start fundraising earlier. While I have to wait for the go-ahead from my doctor after baby Norton is born, I am extremely motivated (once again) to raise some money for a cause that is close to me. While running a half marathon in October/November is some time away, I do want to set my sights on raising at least $1000. I think this is attainable. If it brings about awareness to people who aren't usually cognoscente about cancer screenings and prevention, well, I guess I would have done my job.

So, for all five of my blog readers: Send happy thoughts out into the universe for those people who are beating cancer------they need your support.

The Dating Scene

Running errands on the west side of Bloomington, I realized that Auto Zone and the UPS store are NOT good spots to find the man of your dreams. With that being said, I would also recommend NOT going to Serendipity on Bulgarian Folk Dance Music Night because you might end up taking home Borat. No joke. I made the mistake of reserving Serendipity as our Wine Club Night spot and that was a HUGE mistake. Great atmosphere, good wine, good food, SHIT music. However, I can't ever pass up a night with my girlfriends in the hopes that we can all vent about our messy/oblivious partners in crime, regardless of how much we love them.

I understand the Blackhawks won last night......interesting. We'll see how their series pans out......until then, the Red Wings are resting nicely at home in preparation for their next battle...

Poopy Day

I'm not usually a Debbie Downer, but today was one of those days.......bad weather, bad traffic, tired.....yes, that was me today. However, I'm not going to write about my poop day when I really have nothing to complain about. To ensure I'm not a complete basketcase, I've made an itemized list of reasons why today isn't that bad:
1. The Wings game starts at 10:30. Hopefully they'll get another "W" and put the Coyotes to bed.
2. Salmon cakes with rice for dinner. Easy and healthy. Bon Appetit!
3. I haven't noticed any stretch marks yet.
4. I came home to NO dog poop in the house and mini Hills marathon on the TV guide channel.
5. Tomorrow is Thursday, which is one day closer to Friday.
6. I was able to catch up Glee today at work. Bonus.
7. Wine Club meeting tomorrow night....I'm going to go balls to the wall and drink one beer.

I figure these are all nice reasons not to throw myself out of my 1st floor window. HOWEVER, it must be noted that the Indiana State Senate passing legislation to remove all funding from Planned Parenthood was a HUGE MISTAKE. You think MTV's Teen Mom is bad?!?! Wait another year.....

The Real News

As promised in a former blog, I was going to take my time "discussing" some important issues brought to light from my visit to Michigan (the D.) two weekends ago. I've been super busy with work, baby showers, driving, etc., that I was not able to get to them until now......So, here we go:

1. High School Gossip
This is a big one for me. While inviting old friends from high school to my baby shower was motivated by me missing them and wanting to catch up with them, I received an added bonus by their attendance.....gossip, and lots of it. While I am really not one to pander in such filth (yes I am), I was eating up every possible thing they could tell me, no matter how dramatic, tacky, or ridiculous. Sadly, I was in hog heaven listening to the crap-o-lah that was flying out their mouths. While I do not take gossip as pure truth, I'm sure there was minor relevancy too their claims/broadcast. Regardless, I felt like a pig in shit. I don't usually "emotionally benefit" from hearing about other people's peril (drug addictions, drinking problems, failing relationships, weight gain, sexual conquests), BUT, it was nice to know I'm not a trainwreck. This brings me to my next subject: popular culture.

2. The Olympics of Pop Culture
Much like gossip, it warms my heart ever so slightly when I hear about other people's misfortune. I am NOT talking about divorce (unless it is a celebrity, then I could care less), death, illness, and major accidents. I'm talking about newly enhanced physical features, minor eating disorders, trashy hook ups, bad clothing choices, flipping over tables, etc. I get my "news" or gossip from several media outlets that include ( but not limited to) www.people.com, www.usmagazine.com, www.popeater.com, www.hollywoodlife.com, www.eonline.com, www.justjared.com, www.perezhilton.com........the list truly could go on. Sadly, these are the first sites I visit when I turn on my computer in the morning. Yes, it is sad, but it does give me a small glimmer of hope to know, again, that I am not (in fact) a trainwreck. So I have some split ends, I could easily be wearing pants 2 sizes smaller, I talk too much, but again, I'm not a trainwreck. Case in point: Lindsay Lohan. This poor girl needs some serious help. She has bad extensions, horrible hair color, some eating issues, poor acting chops, a terrible singing voice, boyfriends talking about her in the rucksack....it could just go on. Poor Dear: Normal Carrie. See what I mean? An INSTANT prozac minus the pill popping. I immediately feel better about my cellulite and need for a pedicure. It puts everything into perspective. NOW, there is one woman who is in the media quite a bit lately who I adore. Bethenny Frankel. She is awesome. This girl can do no wrong. She is honest, smart, a great dresser, and swears like a sailor. Basically, she is like Jesus in a Van Halen teeshirt. LOVE HER. She also enjoys swimming in the gossip pool (I've seen Us Magazine's on her couch on television. Awesome.). So, there you have it. Gossip. I love it. I don't like to be apart of it, but I can't help myself. It's like crack. (One time, when I came home from college my freshman year, I heard some nasty rumors about me.....apparently, I became a porn star while away at college. Sadly, I knew exactly who started it. It did come back to my parents, and thankfully they laughed about it. I was embarrassed. Truth be told, I was still a virgin (yeah Jesus!), and this woman who started it still has a drinking problem. Irony? Nope.....bad gossip. To this day, I'd love to ask this certain tennis mom where the f she got her info from. It is one thing to have hard hitting facts and it is totally another to broadcast truth and wisdom. She needs some pointers from Perez Hilton.

3. Knocked Up = Fat
Sadly, I'm beginning to think this one is true. I've had people tell me "Oh my god, you are SO big!" What a way to really bring a girl up! While these folks lack serious etiquette, I excuse them because I am not allowed to bring forth the thunder upon them. I've noticed how feeling swollen doesn't feel that good, nor does having a hard time getting up from the sitting position. Again, it feels a lot like fat. HOWEVER, let me be clear. In no way will I stop rolling my eyes at the disgusting 600 pound moms at Walmart that fill their scooters full of Pepsi, chips, fried foods, and no veggies. Gross. Again, gross. I actually just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Even worse, their kids look JUST like them. Double gross. We have to pay for that in the future! I love junk like the next guy, but I am determined to not "let the wheels fall off."

4. Michigan Awesomeness
I've covered this topic several times before, but again, I feel like this subject should be staple at all meal times. Being a native of the Mitten, I feel that it is my responsibility to share the good news about how fabulous Michigan is.......great food, good music, beautiful scenery, awesome people, and kick ass sport teams. Again, I could go on forever. Being home the last two weekends, I have been able to really hone-in on my love of Michigan. There is nothing like being five minutes from a Leo's Coney Island, OR turning on the radio and knowing there will be some Bob Seger on one of the stations. I have noticed since I have been out of the state for several years now (14 to be exact), I miss it the same every day. I love meeting other Michiganders and love even more when they share their hometown stories. As much as people put down the Glove, I have nothing but warmth and sparkles for my native land. AND, it doesn't hurt that we (MI) has an awesome hockey team. I will talk shit 'til the day I die. That is all.

5. Leo's
Mentioned in #4, Leo's Coney Island is awesome. Food at all hours of the day, healthful fare and fried junk, there is something for everyone. They have amazing salad dressing and fountain pop. Do I really need to go on? I don't think so.

6. Trash Family Members
This is a touchy subject for me. I am often criticized for bringing to light those people apart of a large family that make poor decisions and do not represent the family well. Sadly, I know of this subject quite well. Those persons related to me by blood (in the most part) are aware of the importance of showing respect, character, dignity, and tact at all times, as we share a common last name......unfortunately, there are some folks that taint this idea of respect and don't represent the family well. This may include talking trash about other family members, looking a hot mess in public, marrying gross people who don't seem to function as normal human beings, and most importantly, don't exercise any tact.....ever. So, I just thought I'd throw that one out there and continue my quest for honest and light in my life. I know it is there, I'm not hiding it, nor running away from it. I guess at times it is good that I live in another state. That is all.

7. Frozen Embryos
I have saved the best for last. I received some wonderful news last week. My So Called Life will be returning to television on Monday nights on the Sundance Channel. This could not come at a better time. Not only am I planning on being up late feeding baby Norton, but now I can be entertained with stellar acting and Jordan Catalano's hotness. Does it really get better? Nope. If you don't know about the awesomeness of MSCL, I would advise a quick brush up from Netflix or Youtube. Best. TV. Show. Ever. (I mean, real television, not One Tree Hill or 90210.)

So, there you have it. A quick editorial on things worth discussing. Happy Tuesday. Go Wings. Suck it, Blackhawks.

NHL Playoffs

As mentioned in a previous post, I promised I would blog about the NHL Playoffs. Well, here t'is:

The Red Wings have been a dominant force in hockey for the last 20 seasons. While I am unapologetically a fan, I know when to say a team is worth watching. So, I'll say it again, the Red Wings are worth watching. I've met Penguins fans, Blackhawk fans (yuck), and Habs fans. While these teams are worth watching sometimes, I must say there is a very short list of teams I'd watch in the playoffs to help pass the time (that is, if I can't get the Wings game on Versus). They include: Montreal Canadiens, Boston Bruins, and finally, the Windsor Spitfires....oh that's right, the Spitfires are an AHL team.......so, my list only includes 2 NHL teams. And there you have it......no one else in the Playoffs are really worth watching.......penalty killing, the hot hands of Pavel Datsyuk, and worthy comebacks....the Red Wings run the gammett of awesomeness.

My sister Jennie mentioned in her blog how hard it is to win a Stanley Cup, it is much harder defending it. I have no faith in last year's winner. So, I am throwing my Red Wing hat in the arena (gauntlet), ready to watch them win another one---it won't be as glorious as it was in '97, but it will sure be awesome telling everyone Chicagoan I know to SUCK IT because I KNOW and THEY KNOW the Red Wings are FAR superior than the Blackhawks. Afterall, the Blackhawks had NO team less than five years ago after over a decade of royal suckage. Chicagoans should stick to what they know: Sausage, Brian Urlacher, and Ferris Bueller.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Go Wings.

Hatching Class

A quick note:
Dave and I had our first birthing class tonight. Needless to say, it was interesting. No likey when the teacher pushes her "natural childbirth" agenda. I think not. No thank you. No mas. No me gusta.
That is all.

LHS Class of '97 Reunion

(Pictured from Left to Right: Katie Ciceri Jardine, Julie Hutt Wade, Jennie Monforton, Melissa Wills Bowles, and the knocked up lassie.)

One of many pictures to follow from my baby shower this weekend. Adrienne and Kady organized a GORGEOUS shower at Pine Lake celebrating the upcoming event of my hatching my first niblet. It was great to see faces from my glory days, aka, high school. Not only is it great catching up on salacious gossip, but hearing parenting stories from your peers. It isn't as scary when someone you know has already gone through it.....I would like to feature Katie Ciceri Jardine as a guest blogger to describe in detail the birth of her second son, Brendan, who weighed over 9 lbs. Think about it.

More pics and a whole slew of writing to follow. Here is a small list of things I will cover before the week is over:
1. High school gossip.
2. Annoying/trashy family members.
3. The Olympics of popular culture.
4. Being knocked up does feel a lot like being fat.
5. Michigan awesomeness.
6. The NHL playoff schedule.
7. Leo's Coney Island.
8. Frozen Embryos and the World Happiness Dance.

Til next time......

Playing Catch Up

I have been messing with the appearance of the blog for the last few weeks, so bear with me. Pictures and color commentary of this past weekend's festivities to follow......

Great Lakes, Great Times

I safely made it back to the mitten yesterday evening----perfect timing considering Opening Day is today, the rain stopped, and I was seriously craving Leo's. (For the record, Leo's Coney Island is a Detroit restaurant institution that whips up amazing lemon-rice soup, Greek salads, and amazing pita sandwiches. Again, Detroit staple. There are NO substitutes. I personally believe their brand should go global, or at least, regional---offering cuisine to those Michiganders who now reside in OH, IN, or IL. ) After a much needed "weave tightening appointment" a.k.a. highlights, I got my "nails did" a.k.a. pedicure, which was QUICKLY followed by my trip to Leo's. I made it home in perfect time to watch the beginning of the Tigers game. I love opening day! Too bad Ernie Harwell is not in the mix with his lovely voice and insightful words.

SO, I am now resting comfortably on the couch, watching some WINNING Tiger baseball, enjoying a belly full of greek salad. GOOD TIMES.

I look forward to dinner tonight at yet another Oakland County institution: The Moose Preserve. FYI, Kid Rock DOES stop in from time to time. If only I was that lucky today. I might just have to drink myself a nice brew-dog to celebrate the level of awesomeness that Michigan provides its visitors/residents.

In parting, and in keeping with the all-great-things-Michigan: go listen to some Bob Seger, crack open a Bell's Oberon, nosh on some Better Made potato chips, throw on a Made In Detroit teeshirt, and start up your Cadillac.

Rock On.

Little Miss Poopy Pants

Ventured to a cloth diapering store today. Interesting. However, I'm on board. I want Dave to make me an excel spreadsheet of how much money we can save buy cloth diapering Baby Norton. I can't wait to see the figures. (This is where Dave's mathematical thinking skills will come into play. Good thing, because I suck at math.)

Sidenote:
As I type this, I'm watching the E! True Hollywood True Story on Kate Gosselin. I'm embarrassed to be watching this and giving it ratings.....She is a total trainwreck beeyotch. Bad hair, bad clothes, horrible accent, bad taste, bad dancer....the list goes on......Clearly, I don't want to mother like her. Good God. I smell some eating disorders in her kids' future.

Further, Dancing With the Stars sucks this season, BUT, one of the dancers ate it last night. I laughed, then changed the channel.

Lastly, while picking up Beans and Biscuit from puppy school, Biscuit got so excited when she saw me, she ran head on into the office door. That is my girl.

Meow

Well, it's official. I am a cat killer. During my commute on East 38th Street, in the pouring rain, amid a million potholes, I ran over/hit a cat. Yes, I take responsibility. For the record, I was NOT on Facebook, OR texting. I swear to God, the damn thing ran right out in front of me before I could swerve or react. Sue me.

A few more things (for the road):
1. I'd give a kidney for a margarita right now.
2. The white pages are not the resource for finding people's addresses.
3. I think Bethenny Frankel and I could be best friends. (Sorry Adrienne.)
4. Beans and Biscuit were reunited with one of their "crew:" Maury, the Mole. He's been at Nonny and Poppy's for months. Biscuit couldn't be happier.
5. Butler is the National Championship game. I hate basketball, but it is always nice to hear about a small school going far, especially when they are local. (They aren't Michigan, but they'll do.)
6. I'll be back in the D in 4 days! So excited.....Nemo's, the Moose, Ohana time.....Mazol Mazol, good things, good things.

Fort Wayne Awesomeness

I am sure I've used my post title before, but I think for today, it is absolutely necessary. Dave and I ventured to the North for a nice "out-law" visit. Dave's dad, Big Jim Norton, is visiting Dave's brother Kyle in Florida, leaving Nonny (Joan) alone. Naturally, we packed up the gas guzzler, the dogs and headed out. Plus, it is spring break and I am suppose to be doing something exciting. I guess Fort Wayne was my spot----

Joan has been hoarding baby clothes for months. We are talking boxes and boxes. No need to buy anything. I love new grandmothers. Baby Norton got the major hook up today. AND, she will have tons of books to enjoy in her new clothes too. I am incredibly lucky. I love having a nice outlaw momma.

Lame baby comment: I am going to try using cloth diapers. I've heard tons of feedback from new moms and they rave about them. I'm going to give them a tear and hopefully not be scared of poop in the process. We'll see. Comments and concerns are always welcome.

Lastly, I love Fort Wayne because there is a magical restaurant called Casa here and they have killer salad.

That is all.