The Real News

As promised in a former blog, I was going to take my time "discussing" some important issues brought to light from my visit to Michigan (the D.) two weekends ago. I've been super busy with work, baby showers, driving, etc., that I was not able to get to them until now......So, here we go:

1. High School Gossip
This is a big one for me. While inviting old friends from high school to my baby shower was motivated by me missing them and wanting to catch up with them, I received an added bonus by their attendance.....gossip, and lots of it. While I am really not one to pander in such filth (yes I am), I was eating up every possible thing they could tell me, no matter how dramatic, tacky, or ridiculous. Sadly, I was in hog heaven listening to the crap-o-lah that was flying out their mouths. While I do not take gossip as pure truth, I'm sure there was minor relevancy too their claims/broadcast. Regardless, I felt like a pig in shit. I don't usually "emotionally benefit" from hearing about other people's peril (drug addictions, drinking problems, failing relationships, weight gain, sexual conquests), BUT, it was nice to know I'm not a trainwreck. This brings me to my next subject: popular culture.

2. The Olympics of Pop Culture
Much like gossip, it warms my heart ever so slightly when I hear about other people's misfortune. I am NOT talking about divorce (unless it is a celebrity, then I could care less), death, illness, and major accidents. I'm talking about newly enhanced physical features, minor eating disorders, trashy hook ups, bad clothing choices, flipping over tables, etc. I get my "news" or gossip from several media outlets that include ( but not limited to) www.people.com, www.usmagazine.com, www.popeater.com, www.hollywoodlife.com, www.eonline.com, www.justjared.com, www.perezhilton.com........the list truly could go on. Sadly, these are the first sites I visit when I turn on my computer in the morning. Yes, it is sad, but it does give me a small glimmer of hope to know, again, that I am not (in fact) a trainwreck. So I have some split ends, I could easily be wearing pants 2 sizes smaller, I talk too much, but again, I'm not a trainwreck. Case in point: Lindsay Lohan. This poor girl needs some serious help. She has bad extensions, horrible hair color, some eating issues, poor acting chops, a terrible singing voice, boyfriends talking about her in the rucksack....it could just go on. Poor Dear: Normal Carrie. See what I mean? An INSTANT prozac minus the pill popping. I immediately feel better about my cellulite and need for a pedicure. It puts everything into perspective. NOW, there is one woman who is in the media quite a bit lately who I adore. Bethenny Frankel. She is awesome. This girl can do no wrong. She is honest, smart, a great dresser, and swears like a sailor. Basically, she is like Jesus in a Van Halen teeshirt. LOVE HER. She also enjoys swimming in the gossip pool (I've seen Us Magazine's on her couch on television. Awesome.). So, there you have it. Gossip. I love it. I don't like to be apart of it, but I can't help myself. It's like crack. (One time, when I came home from college my freshman year, I heard some nasty rumors about me.....apparently, I became a porn star while away at college. Sadly, I knew exactly who started it. It did come back to my parents, and thankfully they laughed about it. I was embarrassed. Truth be told, I was still a virgin (yeah Jesus!), and this woman who started it still has a drinking problem. Irony? Nope.....bad gossip. To this day, I'd love to ask this certain tennis mom where the f she got her info from. It is one thing to have hard hitting facts and it is totally another to broadcast truth and wisdom. She needs some pointers from Perez Hilton.

3. Knocked Up = Fat
Sadly, I'm beginning to think this one is true. I've had people tell me "Oh my god, you are SO big!" What a way to really bring a girl up! While these folks lack serious etiquette, I excuse them because I am not allowed to bring forth the thunder upon them. I've noticed how feeling swollen doesn't feel that good, nor does having a hard time getting up from the sitting position. Again, it feels a lot like fat. HOWEVER, let me be clear. In no way will I stop rolling my eyes at the disgusting 600 pound moms at Walmart that fill their scooters full of Pepsi, chips, fried foods, and no veggies. Gross. Again, gross. I actually just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Even worse, their kids look JUST like them. Double gross. We have to pay for that in the future! I love junk like the next guy, but I am determined to not "let the wheels fall off."

4. Michigan Awesomeness
I've covered this topic several times before, but again, I feel like this subject should be staple at all meal times. Being a native of the Mitten, I feel that it is my responsibility to share the good news about how fabulous Michigan is.......great food, good music, beautiful scenery, awesome people, and kick ass sport teams. Again, I could go on forever. Being home the last two weekends, I have been able to really hone-in on my love of Michigan. There is nothing like being five minutes from a Leo's Coney Island, OR turning on the radio and knowing there will be some Bob Seger on one of the stations. I have noticed since I have been out of the state for several years now (14 to be exact), I miss it the same every day. I love meeting other Michiganders and love even more when they share their hometown stories. As much as people put down the Glove, I have nothing but warmth and sparkles for my native land. AND, it doesn't hurt that we (MI) has an awesome hockey team. I will talk shit 'til the day I die. That is all.

5. Leo's
Mentioned in #4, Leo's Coney Island is awesome. Food at all hours of the day, healthful fare and fried junk, there is something for everyone. They have amazing salad dressing and fountain pop. Do I really need to go on? I don't think so.

6. Trash Family Members
This is a touchy subject for me. I am often criticized for bringing to light those people apart of a large family that make poor decisions and do not represent the family well. Sadly, I know of this subject quite well. Those persons related to me by blood (in the most part) are aware of the importance of showing respect, character, dignity, and tact at all times, as we share a common last name......unfortunately, there are some folks that taint this idea of respect and don't represent the family well. This may include talking trash about other family members, looking a hot mess in public, marrying gross people who don't seem to function as normal human beings, and most importantly, don't exercise any tact.....ever. So, I just thought I'd throw that one out there and continue my quest for honest and light in my life. I know it is there, I'm not hiding it, nor running away from it. I guess at times it is good that I live in another state. That is all.

7. Frozen Embryos
I have saved the best for last. I received some wonderful news last week. My So Called Life will be returning to television on Monday nights on the Sundance Channel. This could not come at a better time. Not only am I planning on being up late feeding baby Norton, but now I can be entertained with stellar acting and Jordan Catalano's hotness. Does it really get better? Nope. If you don't know about the awesomeness of MSCL, I would advise a quick brush up from Netflix or Youtube. Best. TV. Show. Ever. (I mean, real television, not One Tree Hill or 90210.)

So, there you have it. A quick editorial on things worth discussing. Happy Tuesday. Go Wings. Suck it, Blackhawks.