Extra! Extra! Read all about it! I'm going to an aunt to a BOY in August! I'm so excited. I knew Jennie was having a boy all along.....even though I was secretly hoping she'd have a girl. Time to start looking for swords, fishing poles, and skateboards (minus the girl jeans).

Another weekend of gorgeous weather. It definitely reminded me of the week the Monforton Ohana spent in Monterey, California. We were there to celebrate Joey and Kelly's wedding. (I don't know why I love stripes. They are NOT flattering on me, at all.)

There was no Greta in my belly at this time. Good thing, because there were moments of poor decision making:

AND for the most AMAZING part of my trip to el' Mitten, a chance to hold/love/feed some baby goats at The School Farm!

NOW, this has been a baby animal fantasy of mine for a LONG time. NOT ONLY was I able to hold/love/squeeze this here baby goat, I was also able to NAME it: Kleenex. Soft, dependable, whimsical....all things a baby goat is. My little buddy was very magical. If you look real close, you might just be able to see the sparkles flowing freely out of his ears.

For the record, ALL babies, puppies, kittens, baby cows, and lambs share this power. Sadly it goes away when they grow up. The shrinking serum doesn't work on any real life mammals. Only in my dreams......

(Don't think I didn't try to take Kleenex home. Dana was there to restrain me, and wipe away my tears as I said goodbye.)

Life coaches.....any thoughts?

My waxer (extraordinaire) suggested one to help get my "tornado brain" under control, because the two fabulous drugs I'm on don't seem to be working. Maybe if I begged my doctor for some Xanax and a one way ticket to Fiji, I'd have this problem taken care of. However, rubbing Beanie's ears and holding Greta helps a little.

AND on a brighter note, my treat for the day was a trip through the Starbucks drive-thru, only to find out that they messed up my drink. I HATE THAT. Don't think I didn't go through again (45 minutes later) to tell them they messed up.

I'm just a Debbie Downer today.

I'll try and turn this entry around:

The newest season of 16 & Pregnant is quickly approaching.
Two friends' babies are due any day now. I love babies.
I'm celebrating a WONDERFUL friend's birthday tomorrow night. (Also my 1/2 birthday.)
Greta likes Corn Chex.
My dogwood is blooming.
Since the weather is nice, that means hometown Tiger baseball is almost here.
I had a 25 second fantasy that I was super buff.
I'm making chicken enchiladas for dinner, and I do think they are pretty good.

GO HOOSIERS and Happy Friday!

Again, I'm messing with my blog. I love the rainbows. No unicorns, yet. I'm still looking. My next job will NOT involved graphic design, clearly.

Excuse me Mr. JackDouche, in your '96 Chrysler Minivan,
I apologize that I didn't peel out of the light at 37 and 44----You honking your horn only pissed me off more, as well as your tailgating. While flicking YOU off did make me feel a little better, it humors me to know you had a 1 mile line of traffic following you south of Martinsville because you clearly can't drive the speed limit. I'm sure it is your fat ass weighing you down, and your not so hot wife.
Have a nice life.

A few notes from the last 24 hours:

Never leave your husband to be responsible for the laundry during a weekend when you'll be gone. It will only accumulate at the bottom of the basement stairs.

Never trust your dogs in a fenced in yard with flower beds. Biscuit has already destroyed half of one and she is already on to the next.

Just when you think One Tree Hill's writing couldn't get any worse, a main character dies. Yes, please.

Just when you think you've had a bad day, you scan the CVS parking lot and notice a woman with her stomach hanging out of her tank top.

Happy Thursday.

1. The first rule is to post these rules.

2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 things about yourself/your life .

3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.

4. Create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.

5. Go to their blog/twitter and tell them that you've tagged them.

11 Random Things About Me:

1- I bite my nails.....all the time. It is disgusting. The only thing that seems to help me is fake nails, i.e., "Ain't Gonna Do Shit" nails. (That is what Doug Monforton, my dad, calls them.)

2- I'm obsessed with asking people questions and demanding answers. For example, "If you won the lottery, what would the first three things you would do with the money?"
3- I love baby animals. Obsessed. They make all things better in life. I especially love puppies and baby goats.
4- When I was younger, I used to LOVE throwing underpants up into my parent's ceiling fan.
5- I love junk food. Spaghettios and Meatballs, Cheetos, doughnuts. Yep, gross.
6- I fantasize about my dream house about 20 times a day. Pinterest and Houzz.com does not help.
7- I go to gossip websites on my iPhone about 4 times a day. A total time suck.
8- I have anxiety about everything, especially money and what my garden looks like.
9- I think farting is hilarious. Again, I have the mind of a 7 year old.
10- I love being from the great state of Michigan So much, I have the old english "D" tattooed on my ankle..
11- I see a therapist once a week because I think I'm nuts.

1- Age? 32

2- Dream job? Professional puppy ear rubber at the Humane Society, home organizer, or florist.

3- Favorite blog? www.thejenniemofoshow.blogspot.com

4- Favorite recipe? Knock You Naked brownies from Pioneer Woman. Holy man. They are so good.

5- Favorite book? The Great Gatsby

6- One-piece or two-piece swimsuit? Oh man---that is like asking, "Don't you LOVE bra shopping?!?!" Um, I haven't worn a bathing suit in a LONG time (for a reason).

7- Most embarrassing moment? Getting bowled over by Amber DeWald at the Christmas Dance, at SJC, first year there, only to be laughed at/pointed at by our starting center of the men's basketball team.

8- Pets? Names? Two dogs: Beans, almost 8, and Biscuit, almost 4. Loves of my life.

9- Specific makeup item you couldn't live without? Makeup?!?! I look homeless most of the time. I think mascara does a lot, and Bare Minerals foundation.

10- Favorite song of the moment? Tough question....anything by Bruce Springsteen, Bruce Hornsby, and every lame song from the 80's. I'd prefer to list my favorite genre of music: Yacht Rock. (This music is often heard in the grocery store, dentist office, or a local swim club.)

11- Weekend plans? A wonderful dinner on Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday, gardening, and cleaning (all while in very casual attire).

My Questions:
1. What are three features that your "dream house" has?
2. Ideal vacation spot?
3. If you could meet one celebrity, who and why?
4. What is one thing you are good at?
5. Favorite Yankee Candle scent?
6. Favorite college memory?
7. If you could have any other person's life, who and why?
8. Food aversions?
9. Favorite movie?
10. Best meal you've ever eaten?

Now it's your turn, Katie, Kady, Jennie, Dana, and Erin!

It is March 14th, and I still have my outdoor Christmas garland up. Problematic? I think so. OH, and the fact that my daffodils are blooming makes this even tackier. Maybe I do belong on the westside of Bloomington.

I am guilty once again. I am a bad blogger. After the stomach flu shenanigans, a visit from my sister, a visit from my cousin, and a visit from Dave's parents, I've neglected my 3 blog readers. Also, there isn't much going on worthy of discussion. My twin blogged about how lame the Bachelor is, and my friend Katie blogged about toddler eating habits. While both very important, I can't top that.

I suppose I can mention how I always get myself in a pickle, in the house cleaning department. So, I always do this: Invite someone/a group of people over for dinner/drinks, and before I know it, my guests are arriving in one hour and the house is in shambles. I know this is not very June Cleaver of me, but I know I do this on purpose: It gives me a reason to clean. Other than visitors coming, my house would be a pigpen most of the time. I look around and see thir communities (dog hair clumps) on the floor, dust on the tables, dirty windows. I will say this: I do keep the bathroom clean. Every week, I clean the bathroom. Gross. While I know people aren't judging me for my clean house, I would like to think my visitor know I've taken the time to think about their upcoming visit. I've cleaned, and cooked, knowing how special they are.

SO, when I win the lottery, I'm hiring myself a nice cleaner/laundry/cook person.

It was TEEN MOM day at Greta's doctor's office today. LOTS of very young, and very trashy, moms with their tiny babies in tow. Yikes. We spoke with a grandmother (who was about 10 years older than me) in the waiting area----her daughters, both in high school, were with her. She told me as she was exiting the waiting area that should couldn't wait for more grandbabies. I could feel the money leaving my pocket........

In brighter news, I am currently planning Jennie's baby shower. If you have suggestions or ideas, please let me know. I love reading comments.

Oh, and as a nice reminder: If you are having a bad day, just turn on an old episode of Hoarders, Dance Moms, or 16 & Pregnant to boost your spirits. If your cable is out, just trek on over to Walmart. Surely, you'll feel pretty good shopping the toiletry aisle.

And I have once again learned that I am SERIOUSLY over dressed in yoga pants and clean underpants when I run errands on the west side of town. Shoes? Don't need 'em. (I've got my slippers!) Jeans? Don't need 'em. (I've got my pajama pants---with holes in them, that barely covers my ass.) Bra? Don't need it. (Apparently my size 45 FFF breasts don't need ANY support.) Shower? Don't need it. (My Paris Hilton perfume with surely mask the cigarette-kitty litter-fried food stench that is permeating from my flesh.)

OH cry me a river! Peyton Manning has been cut by the Colts. Waaaahhhhh! Maybe he can help Miami out of their funk---
What is the city of Indianapolis going to do!??!?! Like I care.....

Just to rub it in their faces, Greta wore her Lions teeshirt this morning and smushed a whole mess of blueberries into it. Clearly she is NOT affected and will continue to cheer for her Lions.

(She also threw up before the blueberries, clearly showing her dismay for the Colts franchise and Jim Irsay's fashion choices.)

In lieu of the nasty comments I've heard this week/weekend thus far, I'd like to take a moment to express myself (like I never do). First, Kirk Cameron is a fucking moron. NOT ONLY is he a part of a cult, but he is a homophobe. I don't know which is worse.
Secondly, Rush Limbaugh has stooped to a new low (I'm not sure this was humanly possible). He is a recovering addict/moron. Again, I don't know how that gives him the right to say the things he says----I'm sure somewhere one of his bastard kids is running around wondering where their father is, BECAUSE he wanted to screw "sluts" without protection. He is definitely NOT winning.

And a side note, my little sister sent me a video of a baby goat that was born on Leap Day. It was fantastic and magical. We need more goats and less homophobe-morons.

Dear Meth-Addicted Neighbors,
Please stop walking through our yard as you make your way to your other meth-addicted friend's house. I don't appreciate you throwing your cigarette butts on my garden, or you razzing my pups while you journey through. Furthermore, I don't appreciate you complaining about my dogs when you are on OUR property. They are simply doing their job. SO, hows about you a) get a job, and b) learn NOT to trespass, and finally, c) stop sucking my tax money up with your inability to get yo' shit together. That is all.
Love,
Carrie Norton, your loving neighbor

It should be noted that I called two people assholes today during my shopping trip. Why, you ask? Because they did not hold the door for me as they were exiting the store (and they could CLEARLY see I was right behind them.....with a child......and stroller......and shopping bags.) SO, I took it upon myself to let them know how I really feel about their rudeness, that was clearly not addressed as younger adults by their mothers.

If you ever see me in public, carrying a barrage of items, please be courteous: Hold the door for me. It is simple manners. Nothing special.

Also, I noticed the Coach store at Edinburgh has become some what "ghetto." (I.E. screaming children with their mothers slapping them, people digging through the clearance bags, and lots of people shopping in their pajama pants.) Hey, even I slapped on some jeans today.

These Boots Were Made For Walkin'........

So it appears that Ms. GFP would much rather walk than crawl. Fortunately, her intelligent mother knows this is NO BUENO, as this child MUST crawl before she walks. (Thank Marian College's Dr. Carrie Brouse for my sentiments on that subject.)

I bought Greta her first swimsuit today. (Actually, her special friend, Elisabeth, bought her one last summer. She grew out of it before she could even get one leg in.) No worries grandparents: No spaghetti straps or thongs on this girl. She looks like a lifeguard (with ruffles on the butt, of course.)

And the flu has almost left (our) building. Dave went back to work and Dana and I are no longer prisoners to the commode/bathroom/Zofran. We have turned the corner! I have to follow up with my gastroenterologist on Monday to go over some blood work. My liver counts were super high, and paired with some enlarged lymph nodes and some cysts on my liver, a trip up to Indy is necessary. Thankfully he has a great sense of humor, a cool pair of glasses, and isn't bad to look at--- it should be a nice trip.

I have been working to sanitize the house---I would feel awful if a visitor came in and ended up getting what we had. I understand this flu is going around Indiana like crazy----stomach yuckies, fevers, and lots of aches. Not okay.

Dana has been at the house since Monday. It is great having company here--I'd say I'm somewhat lonely during the week, with Dave being at work until 630 every night. Dana and I were able to catch up on some much needed television viewing---One Tree Hill and Smash. While I am not yet on the Smash wagon, it does look interesting. OTH, well, I've been a fan for some time. The plot line this season is super lame. However, Sophia Bush has rockin' hair and she recycles. What's not to love?

A little incident I shall tell my readers about---

I decided to walk up to Kroger to get some soda for Dana yesterday. It was about 430, and I knew there wouldn't be too much traffic activity. Greta in tow (in her stroller), we set off for our 1 mile walk. We made it to Kroger just fine. As we were exiting the parking lot, some jack-hole in his "child molester style Buick" decided that he had the right of way as I was about to cross in front of him. I surely mentioned that he had a "nice car" and that he did, in fact, resemble some ass-clown I saw on a recent pedophile watch poster. I swear, there are so many people out there in the world that are NOT mom/child/family friendly. They don't open doors for you, don't help you if you drop something, and never give you the right of way. Thankfully, I have a distinct vocabulary I like to draw upon when these moments happen---AND I'm not afraid of the repercussions if said incident gets out of hand. I know I have a great right hook AND I know I can run faster than some of the morbidly obese people I see frequenting the local BP for the Big Gulps of Mountain Dew and Rockstar Energy Drink. (I might pee on myself during the process.) You know exactly who I'm talking about. OH, and when people don't help me with the door when I'm holding Greta or pushing her in the stroller, I SURELY say EACH TIME, "Thanks, Asshole." I make sure I say it nice and loud too. AND when someone DOES open the door for me, I praise them they like just peed in the potty for the first time. Snaps to them. Seriously---you can ask some of my friends. I want to humiliate these people----AND when they are on the side of the road with a flat tire, I WON'T help them. There, I said it.

AND, my daffodils are blooming. I have given up all hope for snow this winter. Maybe next year.