So Greta is sleeping, and I am farting around on Pinterest (my newest addiction.) I came across some rockin' websites that celebrate Michigan and all of the awesomeness that comes with being a native:

https://www.themittenstate.com/

http://michiganawesome.myshopify.com/

I invite all of my readers (all 2 of them) to keep Michigan's economy stable.

And finally, the word on the street is that Matthew Stafford and Jim Schwartz from the Detroit Lions are in Indy this week. I am seriously considering going downtown to see if I can spot them.

I DO NOT recommend eating dried fruit before a breakfast among friends. Do the math.

T-Minus 5 hours until my Wine Club party. I have DEFINITELY bitten off more than I can chew....I invited 30 people, and there are 22 coming. HOWEVER, I have always wanted to have a home that I can entertain in, and this is a great reason to do so. All my "girls" will be coming together, minus a very integral ladies (Betsy, Jamie, Robyn). It will be a great way for all my ladies to finally meet---they have truly become my "village" as far as navigating motherhood and all the challenges that comes with it. I will say since Greta's birth, I've been blessed with extremely understanding and caring friends, especially because of the problems I've had. It is always nice to know you can really talk to them about anything---even the ones without kids have been as supportive as they know how. I'm very much looking forward to tonight---I hope some new friendships are formed and continue as long as Dave and I are in Btown.

On a different note, our closet is almost finished. It has only been about two months. The only thing left is the doorknobs. I will try to find some vintage inspired crystal knobs that match other doors in the house. All of the fixtures that came with the house date back to the 30's, when the house was built. Dave and I have been house hunting, trying to get a better understanding of the real estate market in Bloomington. It is challenging finding exactly what we want---basement, about an acre, two car garage, more than 2 bathrooms. It sounds like a lot, but these are all things Dave and I grew up with and we want Greta and our future children to have the same. Basements are integral to a happy house, i.e., "Go play in the basement with your brother!" "Get out of this house now, and I don't want to see you until dinner!" "It is too nice out to be inside---get outside!"

The next few weeks, Dave and I will be discussing what my next step will be in recovering from Greta's birth---I have met with a uro-gyn that suggested sling surgery to help my pelvic floor. Trying to figure out what steps to take next is a bit challenging. While I did not expect to face this, I am optimistic that we will make the right decision. I will say this, buying a new puppy would make this a whole hell of a lot better.

And finally, I am going to tackle cleaning the basement this weekend. Wish me luck. I will have Beans with me, my trusty sidekick. I am sure I will be faced with mickey mouse poopies and thir communities (dog hair piles), but I am brave. Semper Fi.

Christmas is officially over in the Norton household. Yep, tree is down. No more sparkly lights. However, I still have garland and a wreath on the front entry.....faux pas? Tacky? I think not. It isn't Valentine's season until we hit February. Then, I will hit up Pinterest for some wreath ideas, or ask my fabulously creative friend Kady Becker for some ideas.

So. Tired. Wine Club at mi casa is in two days and it looks like a Hoarder lives here. It is time for some caffeine OR a magical visit by a free cleaning lady/nanny.

(Two weeks ago, my friend Elisabeth came over and witnessed the "state" of the house. She quickly swooped into action as I changed a diaper and corralled the dogs---dishes, laundry, making the bed.....I am too lucky sometimes, or just incredibly blessed.)

I would do a 'Before' and 'After' picture, but I think that would be catastrophic for my rep as a domestic goddess.

And it's 50 degrees outside......in January.......where the F is the snow?!?!?

On a different note...........

T-4 days until my Wine Club gathering. Yep, I volunteered my house as the next hosting site for my Wine Club. That means two things:
1. The house CANNOT look like a Hoarders episode come Friday at 6:30.
2. I have to come up with some sort of appetizer/light (but hearty) dinner for 18.
Why do I always do this to myself? While Greta will be of no help (but will offer wonderful ears, tushie, and toes to rub), I have to get myself together. If it means double dosing with the Concerta, I'm all in. This is when I wish we lived in a bigger house and I had a nanny. I don't need a housekeeper, because I believe I'm the best cleaner in the world. (Ask Laurie Goble and Shannon Lalain.)

A blog I follow, TBC, the writer discussed some of her favorite things.
Here's my list:

1. Disinfectant wipes. I'm obsessed. And NO, they are not environmentally friendly.

2. Sulfate free hair care products. They don't give me the "itchies." Ask Jennie or Dana about the "itchies."

3. Spaghettios and Meatballs. Yes, my obsession has progressed past my pregnancy.

4. Mild stimulants, i.e. Concerta. This magical pill has calmed down my "tornado head" and has helped to pull it together during the last month.

5. My Jenna Kator bag. I feel fancy as if I should be walk down Park Avenue in style. However, I don't think my bag matches my blue tapered sweatpants and Asic sneakers.

6. Plastic toy tubs......I found one at Target a few weeks ago. Big, colorful, plastic, with handles. Perfect for GFP's toys.

7. Fisher Price Little People. Greta has a nice collection, thanks to her Grammy Joan and Aunty Michele. I find myself putting together the vignettes, as they should be displayed in a store window. I might have a problem with these.....

8. My Sorel boots. While it isn't -15 degrees here, come winter, I'll always rock my Sorels. Warm, comfy, and in my opinion, cool, I love my boots. I received them as a parting gift from my mom before I left for college in Gunnison, Colorado in 1997. I've had them ever since. I'm thinking of replacing the liners.


What are your faves?

I have decided a new camera is now at the top of my "I Want" list. After trying to edit pictures from my point and shoot as well as my IPhone, I've decided a nice Nikon with a fancy lens is my best bet. I look at my friend Kady's blog and her pictures are fantastic. Also, my sister's camera was missing for over a month and it was recently found at the hotel she was staying at during her wedding. (That is a long story.)

Further, Dave and I went house hunting in the greater Bloomington area. Two things were decided today:
1. People think they live nicely, when they really don't.
2. Bloomington homes are totally overpriced.

Apparently in order to get what Dave and I want, we need a mortgage to purchase a $325,000 home. I don't think these things are too much, do you?
1. Basement
2. > .25 acres
3. Two car garage
4. 3 bedrooms
5. 2 bathrooms

I guess I'm WAY too demanding....

AND there is an abundant amount of snow falling in Chicago, but of course NOT in Bloomington. HMPH. Yet another snow-less winter day in the bowels of Southern Indiana.

I ate a Five Guys burger again today. That brings my total to TWO burgers, when in reality, it should be like 56. They are so good. I blame my pal Elisabeth for this most recent trip. She'd never had one and I was hungry. I think that is a fair excuse.

And finally, my sister found her camera. It has been missing since her nuptials in mid November. I was saddened by the missing camera because of all the weddings photos that were taken that day (and pictures of Greta). I am very happy her prize came home.

Just when you think your day can't get any shittier, you plug in "Spiral Staircase" to Pandora and you are magical transported a very special place: Happy Land. Yep, I was in Happy Land during my 1.5 hour trip to Carmel this afternoon. Amid the shitty left lane drivers and horrible road conditions, I was cruising to the likes of Ambrosia, Michael McDonald, and Peter Cetera. Yes friends, this is a special place. I recommend going there. In Happy Land, everyone is within their ideal BMI, alcoholic drinks are calorie free, there are endless amounts of puppies, AND there is an ongoing marathon of My So Called Life. Sadly, my trip to Happy Land was cut short once I entered the IU North parking lot. That is right: Another trip to the uro-gyn, but this time, there were catheters involved. OH FUN! Where can I sign up?? I know, you can hardly contain your excitement. Thankfully, I came with my hype girl (Greta), and my back up dancer (Joan, Mother In Law to the Stars). I only walked out of there with two wet kleenexes, instead of a handful. And thankfully my anti anxiety meds were in full effect.

Today is Kady Becker's birthday. A day so amazing, we had tornado warnings here! Oh, AND, another present: Finding out Dave's cousin is pregnant, again, just a year shy of when she really wanted to start trying. Baby magic. And a third present to Kady: Heather Locklear is heading to rehab.

I would say those are some pretty awesome presents, compliments of her friend, Carrie the Monforton Norton.

I am totally having one of those mornings where I wish I had a maid and a nanny----I have decided to host my next Wine Club meeting. (It is a casual gathering where my girlfriends and I drink wine or water and talk about our husbands/partners. Nothing fancy.) So, now that I have decided to do this, I am on a mad path to making sure my house is clean-----and in doing so, I'm realizing how much I need to clean and organize. While I am typing in a mad frenzy now, I'm sure in about one hour after my Concerta kicks in, I'll be fine. Until then, I'm kinda freaking out. AND on top of that, Dave and I are actively discussing trying to sell our house. This opens up a whole pandora's box of emotions.

See, I have a love hate relationship with our current house----I adore some of our neighbors (Nana, Doug and Trina, Sandy, Sheila, Don and Joyce), but I keep thinking about Greta. Several of the neighborhood kids are a bit on the rough and tumble side and I don't want her knowing that it is ok to have a dad in jail and a mom who is a recovering drug addict. I also want her to attend the best school in this district, and they are all on the other side of town. Plus, the majority of our close friends are all on the east side of town----BUT, again, I love our yard, and the quaint and charming essence of the house we have now. It is very hard to find a house like this on the other side of the bypass. I called our realtor yesterday to schedule a harmless look-see of some houses on Saturday. And we shall see what we see......

Until then, I can brave a few more months of trash-nasty neighbors, unleashed dogs, ghetto hoodrat kids, and trash bags hanging from our neighbor's carport. I love the west side.

Oh, AND, not to mention my Christmas decorations are still up. Yep, I'm THAT person.

A Letter to Tim Tebow:

Dear Mr. Tebow,
While I slightly enjoy your religious conviction, it became a bit annoying this season. I understand you had an uphill battle, winning your starting spot, but the Jesus talk was excessive. I apologize for your recent loss to the Patriots. They have an incredible offense. Maybe next year will be your year. Until then, I think you should stink to what most athletes know best: Dancing with the Stars, underwear commercials, Vegas nightclub openings, and domestic violence.
Yours affectionately,
Carrie the Monforton Norton

P.S. I hear Miss America is single. I think you should hit that, and I don't mean go to prayer group together.

And we're back. We spent the weekend in North Kentucky, i.e., Cincinnati, for my Grandmother's funeral. It was nice to see my mom's family again. Everytime I go to Cincy-watski I'm sure to bank on seeing some classy fashions and hear some interesting chatter. I'm all about the Ohio-Pennsylvania accent. I can't quite grasp it, but my little sis Dana is great at it: "I was born to go fast!" (Instead of actually saying the word "fast," it is really pronounced FAY-st.)

We indulged in some Skyline chili, then suffered through the repercussions of ingesting some food. We watched some football and then hit the road. Good times had by all.

I will give myself a pat on the back because I understand I have some "outside" blog readers.....In a nutshell, I'm famous. Yep, I have non-family/friends reading my blog. I think I can finally give Perez Hilton a run for his money.

And finally, I missed (yet again) the Miss America pageant. Snaps to those broads who get super buff and get all gussied up to walk across the stage in their lucite heels. I surely couldn't do that. In fact, to celebrate this wondrous event, I'm throwing a Wine Club themed party: "Sweatpants Night." You heard it first.

I can't contain myself.

Today, I was "burrito-ing" with my pal Elisabeth. We were headed back to our cars on Kirkwood, which is located at the heart of Bloomington (practically on IU's campus). We notice a young blonde walking toward us.....with no pants on.....I quickly ask her, "Are you ok?" (As I am worried she is severely intoxicated---it is 19 degrees outside.) She gleefully and candidly responded, "Oh no! I'm fine. I went to a pajama party last night and I'm just coming home."

Good God.

She struts by us, and we notice her lingerie-style pajamas underneath a very oversized fleece jacket. She was accesorized......by her Ugg slippers.

If I ever hear of, or see Greta is this "state," there will be problems.

This is one of the reasons why I love Bloomington----college trainwrecks.

Happy Friday.

This has been an interesting week......

Let's start out by talking about the weather. My daffodils starting coming up this week. Sadly, they are going to experience some suffering because it is suppose to be super cold tonight. However, to my dismay (and love of the cold weather), it is suppose to be back up to 60 by Sunday. Clearly, I'm not a big fan of Global Warming.

Secondly, my grandmother died. My mom's mom, Edna Mae Decker Garbon, was 92. She was fighting pneumonia and a UTI. I am happy she is out of pain and is now able to play cards for the rest of her eternal life in Heaven. She is joining my grandpa, Grandpa Charlie, as well as my family dog, Higgins. It is truly a blessing----I think (knock on wood) that I handle death fairly well. While I am sad for family members and those the departed is leaving behind, I really think of it as a blessing. I'm not sure exactly what my beliefs are as far as the after life, but it has to be better than what we have going on down here. I envision my Heaven to be like a vacation----no stress, room service, clean sheets, lots of resting/napping, and puppy dogs. I'm going to stick with that. However it must be said that I do believe in Hell and I have seen lots of folks on the news that will surely end up there.

I had a HUGE doctors appointment this week in Indy. It was a long time coming, considering the problems I've been having with my bladder and pelvic floor. I won't go into all the fabulous details, but since Greta's birth, I've been having some serious issues. I basically don't have feeling in my bladder (you can imagine), and my pelvic floor is very weak. This makes for interesting physical activity. After seeing two different uro-gynecologists, I finally got an appointment with Dr. Douglass Hale. He is world renowned in helping women with prolapse and bladder issues. Dave's aunt Michele was the main reason that I got the appointment---she is a doctor at the same hospital. In a nutshell, he explained all my symptoms and possible causes---I finally got some answers....no more speculation. I do, in fact, have nerve damage and it was mostly likely caused by two different things during and after the delivery. Again, now I have some answers. I have to go back for some more testing, but at least I'm headed in the right direction now.

And finally, One Tree Hill started again. It is the final season. After what I saw last night, I'm beginning to think it should have ended three seasons ago.

Sister Dana is in town visiting the Niece Piece. I headed up to Indy today for a much anticipated doctors appointment. I am happy to report that I have finally received some peace of mind in regard to my bladder. I am optimistic that Dr. Douglass Hale will be able to take control of things and get me headed in the right directions.

And finally, One Tree Hill premieres tomorrow. The Final Season. So excited. AND, Chad Michael Michaels comes back! Whoo hoo! I hope he brings with him some flannel shirts, shiny combat boots, and lame necklaces (and lots of deep breaths and sighs).

As mentioned in my previous post, today's blog is a SAD blog:

The Detroit Lions are OUT of the playoffs. After an AMAZING first half against the Saints, they blew it in the end....interceptions, wide-open receivers......it was painful to watch. HOWEVER, I am a proud Lions fan and I can now say that I have officially retired my Steelers jersey. HOWEVER, if Bill Cowher comes out of retirement, the jersey will too.

I made yet another trip up to Indy to see another doctor. Not in surprising fashion, this particular doctor DOES NOT care about her job OR her patients. She hadn't re-read my chart or looked over the new notes my physical therapist sent in. Sweet, another $100 bucks in copay down the shitter.

On a brighter note, the season premiere of One Tree Hill is around the corner AND I can fit into my pre prego jeans (thanks to the Concerta I now take for my ADD).

And finally, Beyonce had her baby. She named it (a girl) Blue Ivy. REALLY?!?!?! All that money and albums and THAT is what you name your offspring?!?!?! Seriously?!?!!? Give. Me. A. Break.

Big day around here. The Lions battle the New Orleans Saints tonight in their first playoff game in years. BIG DAY. I'm focusing all my positive energy in Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson's hands. I think they have a chance.....My next post will be a response from tonight's game. I hope it is a "happy" entry. Godspeed, Lions.

Platos Closet: This place sucks. I have gone in there a million times with GOOD clothing: Gap, Anne Taylor, Banana Republic. Instead, they want "trendier" items....yeah, like the shitty manufactured clothing from Aeropostale and Abercrombie? Give me a fucking break. I just went in there today to see if I could get some cash-o-lah for a pair of cute purple stacked heel peep toe shoes. Super cute. Instead, the dumbass behind the counter said, "Oh, we can't take these. They have toe marks." FYI, I wore them ONE TIME. I looked around quickly at the other shoes: Yes, the selection was that of a homeless person's closet. So over it.

On to bigger and brighter things, one of the skanks from Teen Mom is preggo again. What a way to start my day! Just when I thought I was a bad mom, I hear this news. This will make for great television next season.

And finally, Justin Timberlake is allegedly off the market. Oh rats. I give him snaps for not picking a coked our whore model, but rather, a bright and athletic Jessica Biel.

Happy Thursday!

Just when I thought I was at the grips of yet another round of Seasonal Affective Disorder, I found some vintage Laguna Beach episodes on On Demand. There is a god.

And the Colts made a ballsy move by firing Bill Polian and his son, completely IGNORING the terrible season of coaching that went on. Whatever. As I tweeted earlier, Jim Irsay is a douche and a bad dresser. Moving on.......

A new season of the Bachelor is upon us and I already know who wins.....some skank "retail associate" i.e., employee at 5-7-9. Where do they find these contestants? And, Bachelor Ben is NOT cute.

I am watching a friend's cats for a few days. I will say that "changing" a litter box is grosser than giving birth and getting a colonoscopy. Just thought I'd throw that out there. We, I, will never own a cat (however, I like their ears and paws).

And finally, Christmas is over, but our tree will remain standing proudly until she tells us she wants to come down (I'm thinking early February).

And the Lions are in the playoffs.................

And they will play the Saints. At the Superdome. Against a record-breaking quarterback.

Hmmmmm..............

I still have faith. My money lies on Calvin Johnson being awesome and Matthew Stafford NOT throwing picks. That is my advice. Oh, and, no dumb penalties. They have four quarters to be awesome and I have faith that they will be.

In light of the year 2012 beginning today, I should sum up my New Year's Eve: bed by 9:30, drunk with Nyquil. BAM! I know, I roll like a true baller. Holler back. I pull no punches with Greta sleeping through the night and me feeling like poop.

Our closet renovation is almost finished. Dave is installing the closet system (as we speak). If any one person tells you that closet construction is a cheap project, THEY ARE LYING. Seriously, we are approaching the 1K mark. For realsies. No likey. When it's time for this house to sell, it better sell.....for over 3% for each year we've lived here.

I'm now on Twitter: @CarrieMofo
I will strive to be awesome, like I always am, though I can't compete with Rainn Wilson or Caroline Manzo.

My New Year's Resolutions:
1. Get fit (i.e., lose the baby weight).
2. Stop swearing. I swear, I'll try.
3. Keep the house cleaner.

And there you have it.