Aunt Glady

Ok, so a few magical things happened today:

1) Went to lunch with some girlfriends in Greenwood. One of them brought an ol' teaching buddy. Her name was Betty Nell, aka, Aunt Glady, and was all sorts of awesome. Crazy hair, fur coat, weird life stories, and full of one liners. Here is my favorite:
"You're not the first girl that is knocked up with Crohn's." Seriously. She said that. Awesome. I want her to be my new life coach. Also, Ms. Betty is art teacher that has 5 hours of recess duty during her school day. Awesome.

2) Stopped by Buy Buy Baby to purchase a baby gift for my friend Megan. Was walking through the "feeding" section near the breast pumps when I noticed an early 40's, 6'4" handsome man standing near the Medela pumps. He had a whole mess of gear with him, like he worked for them in some way....turns out he's a sales rep for Medela. Yes, ladies.....a hot, STRAIGHT, male sales rep for a breast pump company. Holy Hannah. Miracles do happen. SO, I worked my Mofo magic and got a 20 minute tutorial on Medela pump usage and all the gadgets. Oh my. It was like lactation class on steroids, being taught by Tom Brady. Delicious. AND, he laughed at all my jokes. Awesome.

I figured this string of magical events happened because of this:

So, Biscuit killed a magical squirrel on Sunday. When she chomped down on the squirrel to kill it, the magic parts flew into Biscuit's mouth, becoming trapped. THEN, Biscuit licked the inside of Beans' ears to clean them---only to be followed by me rubbing Beans' ears, thereby passing the magic onto me.

That is all.

Hat full of Hammers

I understand Chris Brown "performed"on Dancing with the Stars. Really??!?!?! Bachelor Brad had zero personality and now this?!?!? I am offended as a viewer. Chris Brown is a wife-beating, woman-hating, press-loving jerk. He needs to spend the night at Rykers Island and have some ginormous man have their way with him, THEN maybe he'll start acting right. DWTS should not have been the next stop on his celebrity train ride. Gross.

Secondly, since I have been on spring break, I have been able to reconnect with my BH 90210 reruns on Soapnet. Thankfully, yesterday's episode featured was the one when Dylan and Tony get married and then Tony tragically dies at the hand of her father. Awesome. I laughed and Dylan cried. It was magical. I've been instructed to start watching 30 Rock by my little sister, insisting that it is far better than my crap dramas on channel 127. We'll see----I have a few more days left on my spring break to indulge her. In the meantime, I've spent my afternoons doing laundry, putzing (a real word for doing nothing), vacuuming, rubbing soft dog ears, staring at my birdfeeders and flowers in the garden, and dreaming of a last minute flight/trip to Anguilla care of the crew at The Bachelor. I don't think the flight is going to happen, so I've settled on the other activities for now. I did venture to Walmart for some groceries the other night and (once again) threw up in my mouth at the sight of bad hair, fat asses, unruly children, and body odor. I honestly don't know why I put myself through that on a once-a-month basis. I need to stop that and head East for some Target action. It is much "safer." No joke, I seriously want to puke upon entering the parking lot---not to say I'm better than anyone, but it is like poison to my eyes with some of the folks shopping there. I admit to showering every other day, but some of their patrons, I think its more like once a month (like my dogs). Gross.

Dave is still hobbling around with his broke-ass foot. I've given him the stink eye enough the past few days, convincing him to get a second opinion from a real foot doctor (orthopaedic doctor). The complaints have definitely slowed down, but not stopped. My "pushy wife syndrome" is really coming out, knowing there is a hatchling coming in 10 weeks and I need a capable partner around to help me lug laundry, let dogs out, carry car seats, and grocery shop. No time for crutches. AND, his second season of indoor soccer is about to start---how else am I going to get him out of the house in time for Glee?!

Beans has been licking his toes at night in the hopes that her magic spit will remedy the injury. (She doesn't know this doesn't work, but she tries so hard.) Biscuit has been making small collections of her toys near him while he is sleeping on the couch---she thinks her "Ms. Kitty" squeaky toy will also help move along the healing process. Also, in light of Biscuit's kill on Sunday, I think she was really meaning to award it to her Dad---again, trying to help the injury along. Such thoughtful pups!

(**Note: The "Hat full of Hammers" title was referenced from my grandfather, Pepe. He often uses this term to describe the level of stupidity related to someone. If you are confused by this, please visualize a hat full of hammers. Make sense? Exactly. Enjoy!)

It's Britney Bitch

Ok, so Britney Spears made an appearance on GMA this morning. I missed it, but Jennie called me to tell me she was up to the same tricks----aka, lip syncing. It's good to know she hasn't change. Here's to Britney being awesome again.....
......and hopefully NOT going back to this............


Oh, and for the record, MTV is on the 324th season of Real World. Really?!?! Again!?!? I think Dave and I should star in our own version of Real World for the MTV cameras. Yes, its called employment, taxes, grocery shopping, oil changes, home improvements, in-laws, and laundry. It is SO glamorous.

Further, Teen Mom?!?! That foul girl, Janelle, needs to get her act together. She needs to spend a day with Dr. Dre so she can "recognize" her wheels have clearly fallen off. OR, allow Biscuit to herd her for two straight hours, THEN, she'll realize her shit ain't together (and her boyfriend with the lame-ass shell necklace needs to gets to steppin'.) Good God. At least those trashy kids from West Virginia seem to be pulling it together.

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

Before Dave and I experienced Biscuit's squirrel killing wrath, we ventured to Oliver Winery with some great friends for some wine tasting and flower viewing. Little did I know the expansive offerings Oliver has----I thought they only made sweet wines. I was wrong. I tasted (seriously, a sip) a great pinot grigio and a delicious shiraz. While no one else seemed to enjoy the shiraz, I thought it was great. I know I'm at the point in my pregnancy where I can enjoy a glass of wine or beer here and there, but I still don't feel comfortable doing it---and quite honestly, she (baby) doesn't seem to like it so much. She doesn't move around as much and then I get a stomach ache. Not worth it. Here are some memories I was able to capture. Oh, an added bonus: Dana came down after a quick trip to Cincinnati.

We headed to FARM for dinner---great fare, great conversation, and great company. My kind of night. If I could do this once a week for the rest of my life, I'd be very happy. (Sadly, there were no puppies seen at either the winery or the restaurant.)

Spring Break WHOOO

So, my spring break has started. (Deep breath out.) Ah yes, waking up AFTER 5 am is so nice. Knowing I don't have to drive an hour to work, then an hour back.....I could come up with hundreds of reasons why life is good. There was a minor kink is the ol' spring break chain this weekend, and it goes something like this:

Sunday morning started off nicely; coffee, breakfast, discussion of a possible activity plan for the day....all good things. THEN, Dave went to the front door to check on Biscuit. (We often have to "check" on her, making sure she is not doing anything crazy like tearing up my flower beds or harassing the neighbors. This time, our "checking" resulted in this:

(**Note the squirrel is the foreground, Biscuit in the background.)

Yes, Biscuit had "bagged" her 7th kill of the season: An innocent, young squirrel that thought it was going to have a successful day foraging nuts, seeds, and twigs. Not so lucky. So naturally, I screamed, yelled for Dave, and this followed:

(**Note: Biscuit admiring her kill. She seriously could not take her eyes of the damn thing.)

Then, there were several attempts by Dave to remove the squirrel from the yard (this means throwing the body over the fence in the hopes that our neighborhood scavenger (raccoon) takes it away.

(**Note: Dave delicately arranged the dead squirrel on the shovel, though Biscuit quickly grabbed it and starting prancing around the yard with it. Dave and I were both laughing because again, Biscuit was SO proud of herself.)

Finally, Dave had Biscuit surrender, get the squirrel back on the shovel for a proper removal of the animal from the yard. Notice how Biscuit is so focused on this thing......I really think we need to invest in a Jedi-mind trick inducing activity/coach for her.

While this situation has occurred several times in the last year, I can honestly say it really doesn't bother me. I suppose Biscuit was born to do this---I know she would make a farmer or sheep herder person very happy. Too bad we only have a half acre to work with and some dumb squirrels. I know she'd love to get her paws on a rabbit, small trashy kid who walks through our yard regularly, or the drug dealers that live down the road.

Happy Spring Break!

Shitstorm

I'd like to take this opportunity to discuss the word "shitstorm." While most folks associate this term with moments of complete chaos, calamity, and disorder, I have other words. In real life, this refers to a situation of a baby or canine persuasion, where poo becomes out of control. For example:
1. A blowout (poo forced violently out the back end (or up) a diaper.)
2. A dog losing total bowel control in a non-bowel friendly environment.
3. Too many conservatives in one room.

Today, the shitstorm happened, yet again, in our living room. Dave and I were out running errands, actually going to the damn foot doctor. Dave re-broke his foot playing soccer last night. No big deal. We made a few a more stops, only being gone for about 2 hours, when we joyfully came home to an interesting odor wafting from the other side of the house. I immediately thought it was some dishes that had food on them. However, as I turned the corner to let the girls out for the ritual pee (after someone walks in the door), I was BLOWN AWAY by the amount of poo (shit) on the carpet. NOT ONLY is the poo the same color as my carpet, it was fresh, warm, and very stinky. Biscuit's ears immediately went back (race horse position), so I knew the culprit. Beans' ears were back too because I'm sure she thought the smell was even worse (dogs are suppose to smell things 100 x's more intensely than humans.) Poor Beans. So Dave, now resting on the couch with his foot propped up, heard my gags, moans, and barf noises while cleaning it up. BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE. Just when I thought I had it all cleaned up, I found more---this time in a more "remote" location on the rug (back corner, out of plain sight). Good God. What the hell did I do to deserve this?!?!! Sweet Jesus. So, that is how my afternoon went. Broken Foot. Shitstorm. (Shitstorm is one word, not two....just for the record.)

SO, if there are debts I owe you (readers), mean things I've said, stink eyes I have given you, please forgive me so I can finish my day, poop free, in a normal smelling house. While I know poop will fill my days in a few months, my little girl's poop will be way easier to handle than a load of Biscuit's.

Oh, P.S., this happened three months ago too. I hope to hell this isn't my karma. If so, I'd like Jesus to take me in my sleep.

Furthermore, Biscuit IS housebroken. I'm not sure why her wheels fell off, but I am hoping after a minor scolding, she'll get back on track.

That is all.

The Longest Week Ever

It is only Tuesday night and I'm officially out of gas. I'm not sure if it is spring fever, pregnancy, or just a need for a nice long vacation. I was in bed at 5:30, now I am up, ready to return to "the dappies" for the next eight hours (that is, if two pups don't interrupt my sleep.) I'm sure this is all very normal, but I'm beginning to feel a bit lazy, like my house resembles something that should be on Hoarders, and I'm a bad wifey for not making dinner for the last few nights.

Oh, an added bonus: Dave hurt his ankle playing indoor soccer tonight. How much fun would that be, knowing Dave has a busted ankle and I'm responsible for the "work" around the house for the next few weeks. Please, sign me up.

Oh Happy Baby

Today I had to go to Community North for a sugar/glucose test. Basically, you drink this "fruit punch drink" and get your blood drawn an hour later. I've mastered the art of blood tests that require drinking/eating stuff. I can thank Dr. Matthew Harrison, my hot gastroenterologist, for that. I am just now rounding the corner where I can drink things that taste like Sprite. Ugh.

Baby Norton is doing fine. I'm 28 weeks. This begins the come-every-two-week appointment round. Fun times. But the best part of my visit was seeing my friend Amanda's baby boy, Weston Matthew, for the first time since he was hatched last week. He is resting nicely at the NICU at Community North awaiting the nod to go home. I guess his baby lungs aren't up to par, so he is marinating under a tanning bed (Bili bulb machine), and getting some minor feeding assistant. He is as cute as a button with super long legs, munchkin toes, and squishy fat fat hands. Perfection. Amanda is a super trooper----She had a C-Section with him and is managing to stay at Community North all day, every day until he is ready to go home. She goes home at night, rests, and comes back----all this while recovering from major surgery. She is awesome! Oh, her husband Matt is pretty awesome too. I'm so happy for them and their new bundle of joy. They are truly blessed.

I am currently waiting three hours to attending a lactation class---i.e., weeze the juice class. This should be interesting. I'm sure Dave will no longer look at my hooters the same way. (Not that my hooters were anything special before this.) I'll keep everyone posted, as long as its not too boring/gross/inappropriate.

And to round out this post, I am the new owner of a NEW Blackberry. Oh yeah. I now will have internet all the time and my texts will come through in an orderly manner. Thank you Verizon. While I was looking to upgrade with a Droid or IPhone, my fat fingers don't text so well on the touch screen. I resent my sausage paws for the sheer idea that they make me technologically inefficient.

Happy Monday.

More Shamrocks and Shenanigans

The Bloomington Wine Club, minus two members.

The ladies of the party, following a few jello shots. I had a wonderful non-alcoholic Maggie cocktail called "The Knocked Up Extravaganza:" Vanilla syrup, tonic water, ice, and a wedge of orange. Delicious.

Sundays are always special. They are more special when your spouse is hungover from a night of drinking Crown and Coke and watching professional folks break out a dance party. Fun times. Dave and I attended Maggie and Cieran's First Annual St. Patrick's Day party and it was a smashing success. I only took a few pictures, but I am honored to say I won the Irish trivia challenge, and forgot my prize at their house. (Boo.) It was an authentic Guinness drinking glass from Europe. Whoo hoo! I did study some, so I felt worthy of the trophy. I also have Jennifer from Accounts Payable to thank for "helping" me with two questions....I was better prepared to answer pop culture questions related to the Coors, U2 or Irish cuisine. However, I managed to get 7/10 correct, so I'll take what I can get.

Maggie and Cieran always do an amazing job of entertaining their guests----specialty drinks, an amazing food spread, great music, and tons of laughing. Good times had by all.

Saturday Chores

Dave and I put our best foot forward today---The sun was shining and the lawn was pretty dry. Dave decided to borrow Nana's (our neighbor) lawn mower and roller to do some much needed leveling of the yard. I took to the front to tackle the flower beds, cutting back dead growth and clearing the excess brush. I was busy working the in the front and decided to check up on Dave when this was what I saw:

A Beans helping Dad roll the lawn. That is Capt. Beans from now on.

Biscuit was NOT impressed. Not only did she not like the lawnmower, she stuck to her battle station (front porch), patrolling for resident pests (squirrels):

Biscuit is much better in the "look out" roll---

Beans was sure to remind us that she, at times, can be trusted off leash/out of the fence. Dave had Beans assist with the rolling for about an hour, before a lovely bunny appeared in our neighbor's yard. Her duties were over. Happy Spring.

Correction

I stand corrected from a sentence of expression from my St. Patrick's Day post. I targeted my friend Kady in using the phrase "Ivy League of Kindergarten" when referring to Cranbrook. I was wrong. It wasn't Kady. It was her friend Brooke. Whoopsie. She'll be receiving my Lahser Soccer bumper sticker, not Kady. Because it is Lent, I'll give her another chance.

Friday aren't all ways Fundays

Yuck day at work. Bad weather. Ugh. BUT, my daffodils bloomed and I'm going to happy hour. Nothing like watching Dave's co-workers throw a few back while I sit back and watch. Happy Friday.

Shamrocks and Shenanigans

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I spent this beautiful afternoon staring at the freaks who hang out on Kirkwood in Bloomington while noshing on a burrito. It was awesome. I saw a husky, a dog in a stroller, a girl with neon orange hair, and several beautiful gay couples holding hands. All in all, it was a good day. I'm sure St. Patrick himself would be happy.

I've noticed some of my blogs have majorly misspelled words. I'd like to address that: It isn't my fault. I think when I make the corrections the blog isn't saved correctly. I'm a stickler for spelling words the right way---any other way is shameful. I do apologize, but take no responsibility for it.

Highlights:
1. Beautiful 73 degree afternoon.
2. Hearing New Kids on the Block during my drive home.
3. Tomorrow is Friday.
4. The Red Wings are in first place in their division (suck it, Blackhawks).
5. I think my boobs are done growing for the week---bonus.
6. Jake Gyllenhaal is single again---double bonus.
7. Maggie and Cieran's Irish Extravaganza is this Saturday. Whoo hoo! Nothing like being sober at an Irish party. I'll bring the whoopie pies.

Lowlights:
1. My white trash neighbors.
2. I realized how ghetto my car looks when its parked on the street.


Double snaps to my friend Amanda who had a beautiful baby boy today....Weston Matthew. He is in great company, celebrating his birthday on St. Paddy's Day.

Triple snaps to Dr. Katie Whorf-Maloy, who was matched at her #1 choice, Georgetown Hospital. I am so proud of you! I can't wait til you graduate in May and become Dr. Meredith Grey!

Oh, before I forget. I have a particular follower who called Cranbrook the "Ivy League of Kindergartens" on her blog. I stand sorely disappointed. Not only does Cranbrook churn our douchebags, but my high school ALWAYS beat them in EVERY sport, except for lacrosse. Regardless, public education in Oakland County Michigan is FAR superior than any private school there. With that being said, I'm going to send this particular reader a "Lahser Soccer" bumper sticker, hoping that she'll change her mind before young Jack, excuse me, her child turns 5. Be warned.

Colorado Day

Today seemed to be a refreshing reminder that spring is around the corner. I came home and the pups were ready to inspect the yard for vermen and I was ready to do my ritual "garden walk." (This is when I take about 10 minutes and stare at my various flower beds. I look for new growth, bugs, weeds, etc. I seriously do this every day, regardless of how long I worked in these beds the day before. I suppose it is a bit insane, but I love my garden.)
Here is what I found....
(**Note: I'm not a professional gardener or photographer. I know I need help. I'm learning.)

These are daylilies and daffodils (darker green, straighter presentation).

Early blooming daffodils next to peonies, and weigela.

The pups during an inspection. This area is a prime squirrel playground.

More daylilies.

I love spring because it is a nice way of getting people ready for our unbearable hot summers. I also enjoy seeing what comes up after transplanting and newly planted specimens from the late summer/fall. I'm sure I'm going to devote several entries to my garden as it continues to grow.
(Also, the onset of spring means Easter is coming, which means more Whoppers in the candy aisle. Just saying.....)

Our bathroom is almost finished. All it needs is a good clean and a painted sealing and we are done! That happens this weekend. Thankfully, I'm "allergic" to painting, so Dave will take care of that.

No list, Highlight, or Lowlight of the Day----the weather is too nice. It was so nice, my sunroof was open and the Steely Dan was blaring. All I needed to make a perfect "Colorado Day" was companionship from my friends Jimmy and Adrienne, a cold Corona, flip-flops, and a lawnchair. Praise Jesus.

The Aftermath

I'd like to take this time to advise and support my friends and followers who watched the Bachelor last night. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE YOU WATCHED. This is how I look at it: There is enough stress in our lives---kids, student loans, home improvement projects, getting laid-off, family drama, etc. Do not beat yourself up because you participated/watched a terribly lame show that revolves around someone finding their "soul mate." Fortunately for this season of the Bachelor, Brad was hot. The women? Not too skanky. We take what we can get. NOW, with that being said, I will not offer the same support for those folks who watch Bachelor Pad 2. This show is complete trash and filth, like spring break times twenty. It goes for great television, but again, you will not grow intellectually from watching it, OR become a better partner to your spouse/significant other. Don't tell me I didn't warn you. (Trust me, you'll become addicted. Just ask Adrienne Keeble Petersen and her spouse, Aaron.)

Trainwrecks and Car Crashes

In lieu of last night's Bachelor trainwreck, I am dedicating this blog to all the "losers" from the ABC series.....all the Chantal's and DeAnna's. I could not have asked for better television last night.....the black feather dress, the veneers, smudged eye makeup, use of the word "forever, " and most importantly, dumb questions asked by Chris Harrison. (FYI, he has the best job EVER. He gets to ask people lame questions and restate and state again the obvious. I could totally do that. However, I understand no one ever wears sweatpants on those shows.)

I've been experiencing a bit of writer's block lately. I'm trying to get re-inspired, though I've been struggling. Thankfully, the Bachelor has reinvigorated by sarcastic spirit. I now look forward to future blogs that critique (make fun of) the hot messes on reality television shows like the Real Housewives of________(name your city), Bachelor Pad, Real World, as well as my favorites: One Tree Hill and 90210.

On a side note: Snaps to Kady Becker who finished a maternity leave on Monday. She was brave enough to survive the trenches of someone else's classroom and students, providing a loving, healthy, and educational environment. It is unfortunate that her bitch of a maternity leave teacher could not be more gracious in Kady's efforts. Lucky I wasn't there for the re-welcoming ceremony. Now she can focus on more important things like her son Jack, Tiger baseball, and Red Wing hockey.

I've also "that I am no longer going to take fashion advice from women who "wear" a belt in the hopes that no one will see their muffin top. Sorry sister, the belt won't help. It's called find a bigger pants with a larger inseam, stop wearing pantyhose with open toe shoes in the winter, buy some spanx, buy a better bra, invest in a thong (to eliminate VPL), and most importantly, don't judge me. It is hard to find super cute/inexpensive pregnancy frocks. I enjoy my leggings and tunics and Uggs. So, to those women: Fuck off.

List of the Day:

Things about the Real Housewives of Orange County I don't understand:
1. Their fake hair/extensions that look really fake. Don't they have the money to find a stylist that can "style" their weaves?
2. Time. These women seem to have all the time in the world, yet, their children are all sorts of messed up, except for Vicki's daughter, Breana. She has a real job.
3. Sparkles. It is sunny enough in Southern California. There are frigging sparkles on EVERYTHING.
4. Their husbands are gross. Yes, some of these women are mildly attractive and their husbands look like they were scrapped from the WalMart ceiling.
5. They drink.....every day. Does that constitute alcoholism?
6. They go out to eat some much and they are all skinny. Do I smell anorexia/bulimia? That would make for AWESOME television. Lifetime Network eat your heart out.

Highlights:
1. My daffodils are about to bloom.
2. I saw bags of mulch for sale at Kroger. I love "landscaping" season.
3. I only threw up in my mouth once last night during the Bachelor. That is quite an accomplishment considering the Bachelor had a a personality similar to a wet piece of paper (with a hot ass body).

Lowlights:
1. It isn't Friday yet.
2. I still have one more week of school before Spring Break.
3. Sandal season is coming up and my toes look like sausages.
4. There is no salad bar at my neighborhood Kroger----that is my new obsession.

Washing Machine on Wheels

ONLY on the southside of Indy would one see (while driving no less) a washing machine strapped to an open trunk of a Taurus. (NOT a van, truck or SUV, but a Taurus sedan.) I wish to God I had my camera. AND, the driver was driving real fast---how's about if that washer flew off the back and you were in its path? Awesomeness.

Now I'm going to discuss a very touchy subject for me----THE BACHELOR.

I've been mildly obsessed from season to season. This is a secret I don't like to share, even with my closest friends. Dave is aware and is embarrassed that he picked a person like me (Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad obsessed).

I've been following the spoiler blogs and I suspect Mr. No Personality Brad will choose Emily. She is a hot southern tart with a sob story and surely a hidden eating disorder. Sadly, Chantal with the personality will be packing it in early. I am sure she'll be on Dancing with the Stars soon enough. It is too bad Brad is smokin' hot with ribbed abs and a 401K----He could of had his chance with me in late summer of 2002.

Oh, and another thing----I would like to start campaigning for Kid Rock. I think he'd make the next presidency awesome. Bad Ass beer for everyone, as well as Lions tickets and lots of Leo's Coney Island. I saw his interview on Piers Morgan and he was awesome. Mitch Daniels can suck it.

If we have time, maybe Home Depot

The bathroom project continues.....
I feel like it is taking FOOOORRREEEVVVEEERRR. (Yes, just as Michael "Squints" Paladoris would say it from the Sandlot).
Dave has encountered wiring troubles, drywall troubles, measurement troubles ALL because the previous owners thought they were DIY'ers. Not so much. Here is halfway through--->

And here we are today--->



So, we still have some more to do. I'd like to add this was a small "revision" project. We were simply replacing fixtures, the fan, and the medicine cabinet. We didn't re-tile, add/tear down a wall, or add a window. Again, this seems to be taking us forever.

On a brighter note, here are some highlights to my week:

1. I just received word that my friend Jamie's baby girl, Sophie, will be returning home from Peyton Manning Children's Hospital after a four day stay. She's been having a hard time eating and putting on weight. Thankfully, her G.I. doctor has found the right formula. She is a new woman!

2. Nascar apparently makes shoes. Not just any shoes.....VELCRO. So, if you are experiencing carpal tunnel like I am, and tying your shoes is challenging, you can always lean on Nascar and their fine array of footwear.

3. I made gooey butter cake, a delicacy I haven't treasured since Camp Cherith in 1988. SO GOOD.

No Doughnuts Here

This post will be short and sweet.
It is Paczki Day and I did not have ONE single paczki. This is bogus. Sometimes, southern Indiana SUCKS the big one because NO one here is Polish. Ugh. It is bad enough NOT having a REAL hockey team, everyone obsessing about basketball, and not having a Coney Island within 275 miles. WHATEVER.

My list for today:

Why Indiana Sucks:
1. Read above paragraph.

Highlights:
1. Waffle fries with nachos cheese at dinner.

Lowlights:
1. No paczki.

That is all.

Squishy Fat Fats

I must take the time to make shout-outs to my girlfriends who have hatched babies in the last few months.....

Katie Ketner Rieffenberger
Betsy Rogers Houk
Katrina Lehman Clay
Jamie Vanscoy Rahmany
Michelle Grubb Heinz
Elizabeth Bouwkamp Harman
Debbie Browne Sprague
Anna Westwood Brillhart
Holly Copeland Reine

(You'd think there was a major snow storm when all these babies were conceived......as if there was NOTHING better to do with their time......)

I also must give snaps to those ladies who will be hatching soon......

Melissa Wills Bowles
Whitney Proctor Woodard
Sara Koch (Krauss)
Amanda Nyerges
Megan Spoonamore

As well as all the future mom's to be......
(Kady Becker, this means you. Jack/Cooper/Tucker just texted me, and they want a sibling.)

Pre Paczki Day

A few updates:

Beans went to the vet/dentist today for a teeth cleaning. No cavities!

Jennie and Chris set a date for their wedding: Nov. 19th. Whoo!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To_pSSKyFos

I just got word that my friend Melissa Wills Bowles, fellow Lahserite, will be attending my baby shower in April. Better yet, she is also pregnant with her first boy. Maybe little baby Bowles and baby Norton have a future together.

I now have to go to the o.b. for check ups every two weeks. I guess this means I need to get a nursery together. After all, our baby can't sleep in the garage.

Having no door to the bathroom is not fun.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, is Paczki Day! Happy Fat Tuesday! Whoo hoo. Hopefully someone, somewhere is drinking a 96 ounce margarita for me.

Generosity of Spirit

I had to write about this.....
I get a quick email from a friend mentioning how she would like to purchase a rather large baby gift for my upcoming baby shower. Sometimes I am absolutely silenced (crazy, right) by people and their generous actions. Unbelievable. I had to write about it. When Dave and I got married, we received some beautiful gifts from family and friends. We were so grateful that we had such a wonderful turnout in Fort Wayne. Two gifts stand out---we received $500 from my dad's brother. Whoa. We also received a generous cash gift from a college friend (Note: We had JUST graduated. No one had money or a rockin' job at that point). This is one of those times.

On a side note, I was thinking (during an early afternoon laundry/dusting/cleaning the microwave sessions) about how music has changed so much in the last 15 years. When I was in high school, I could not get enough of Dr. Dre's The Chronic and Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle. By far, two of the best rap albums of all time. I'm sorry folks, I will argue that until the day I die. In the mid to late 90's, we were also introduced to Sublime, Counting Crows, Matchbox 20---all bands that demonstrated real musicality, artistry, and musicianship. I have that feeling all over again---Adele, Mumford and Sons, Avett Brothers, The Dixie Chicks (they never lost it and will always have it and I CANNOT WAIT for their next album when Natalie Maines gets her head together), Lady Gaga, Eminem....


The Grammys were televised a few weeks ago and I can honestly say I enjoyed 97% of the show. I can do without the Black Eyed Peas (Ugh. Fergie is a tranny who happens to be married to a total hottie. What gives?), Bruno Mars, Justin Bieber (ugh ugh), and Kesia (I just threw up in my mouth). This whole music conversation came up at school yesterday with a colleague. We were talking about Dr. Dre's upcoming album release and how I was very excited. We were able to flashback to high school and discuss further how awesome he was and how 50 Cent sucks and how Suge Knight is a thug. I love it. I'm just a white girl from the suburbs. Holler. Anyhoo, I am proud to say that I am a radio enthusiast all over again. For a while there, I'd lost all hope. And yes, I will always love Britney Spears and her terrible extensions.

In parting,
"G's up, hoes down."

#24

There was an interesting article today posted on the Detroit Free Press website about scientific findings related to the deceased Bob Probert's brain. Bob Probert, #24 for the Detroit Red Wings, died tragically of heart failure in the last year. He was named "The Enforcer" because of the minutes he accumulated in the penalty box for fighting. A notorious Red Wing, the people of Detroit loved him. Yes, he had some sharp edges to tune---drinking, partying, lots of cocaine use, deportation, etc.....either way, it was sad when he died. This post is dedicated to Bob "The Enforcer" Probert.

http://www.freep.com/article/20110303/SPORTS05/110303014/Primeau-alarmed-Probert-s-brain-showed-signs-trauma?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE

**Note the amazing amount of hockey hair, aka, the Mullet.

Adventures in Chicagoland

This past weekend, I ventured to our friendly neighbor to the northwest, Illinois. Jennie and Chris bought a new house in Woodridge. It is fabulous----not like the ejector pit they lived in before. Thankfully, Chris and Jennie made the "pit" habitable, though not without the rank smells of raccoon dumps every so often, sewage in the backyard, and piles of junk in the basement (because their landlord is a hoarder). Although I was not really able to do much as far as heavy lifting, I was able to bring a warm spirit, my crass sense of humor, and my affinity for all things related to carbohydrates (I made them a sausage-noodle casserole). It was topped off by a visit to IKEA, which is one of the bestest, yes, bestest, places to go shopping. Here is an impromptu list of why IKEA is awesome:
1. Cinnamon rolls.
2. The shopping carts move in every direction because of the wheels' ability to rotate a full 180 degrees.
3. IKEA is located 8 minutes from Jennie's house.
4. Everything at IKEA is cheap. I love it.
5. Again, cinnamon rolls.

I'd like to take a moment to discuss Chicagoland drivers:
While on I-80/94, I noticed that there are a variety of drivers on the road. Some travel super fast, some super slow, some like to read while driving, some seem to be on a totally different planet, and some, well, really suck at driving (those who are slow, texting, not paying attention, have a whole mess of smoke blowing out of their muffler, and can't manage to stay in their own lane). These drivers differ from Indiana drivers because it seems as though Indiana drivers can't take a hint when a person is tailing you in the left lane. For those morons out there, that means "GET THE FUCK INTO THE NEXT LANE." Yes, this is a pet peeve of mine. Excuse the profanity. It really pisses me off. The left lane is for passing. If I ever make it to Congress, that will be my platform: The Left Lane is For Passing. Spread the Word.

I am approaching my 26th week of pregnancy and things are moving along nicely. As mentioned before, Baby Norton kicks a ton. She enjoys all activities related to eating. Therefore, I know she is my daughter. I received my baby shower invitation in the mail that my bestie Adrienne is throwing---a glorious invitation that involved beautiful script, cute graphics, and a wonderful motif. I am very excited and extremely lucky to have such a nice pal in my life that wants to throw me a shower. While I have tried to keep this blog light and funny, I have to take some time to discuss my feelings about being pregnant. I know I am extremely blessed---I am healthy, my unborn baby is healthy, I am employed, Dave is employed, the dogs are healthy, all things are good. There are several people I know that have struggled to conceived, as well as carry a child full term----I understand the pure luck that is involved with this wonderful "experiment." For the record, I am thankful every day. I am thankful for my friends' children, and their incredible insights. I am just thankful. I always think happy thoughts for those moms, soon to be moms, and their children.

Dave started to do a minor renovation project, the bathroom. It needed some updating. Fixtures, shower curtain, better storage, etc. More pictures to come....


Highlights:
1. I had an amazing salami sandwich at Jimmy John's for lunch yesterday. Every Wednesday should be celebrated with salami.
2. I got some great spoiler dish on One Tree Hill. It is the little things in life that make my day.
3. Packzi Day is approaching. (Pune-ch-kee, a.k.a., polish doughnut.) If you don't know what that means, google it.
4. My friend, Betsy, had her baby boy yesterday. He looks super squishy and delicious.

Lowlights:
1. My no-chip manicure is looking not-good.
2. My feet/hands look like sausages every morning.
3. There are still 3 weeks til Spring Break.
4. I am phasing out of my "spaghetti-every-day" period. I'm not sure what this means....