In lieu of last night's Bachelor trainwreck, I am dedicating this blog to all the "losers" from the ABC series.....all the Chantal's and DeAnna's. I could not have asked for better television last night.....the black feather dress, the veneers, smudged eye makeup, use of the word "forever, " and most importantly, dumb questions asked by Chris Harrison. (FYI, he has the best job EVER. He gets to ask people lame questions and restate and state again the obvious. I could totally do that. However, I understand no one ever wears sweatpants on those shows.)
I've been experiencing a bit of writer's block lately. I'm trying to get re-inspired, though I've been struggling. Thankfully, the Bachelor has reinvigorated by sarcastic spirit. I now look forward to future blogs that critique (make fun of) the hot messes on reality television shows like the Real Housewives of________(name your city), Bachelor Pad, Real World, as well as my favorites: One Tree Hill and 90210.
On a side note: Snaps to Kady Becker who finished a maternity leave on Monday. She was brave enough to survive the trenches of someone else's classroom and students, providing a loving, healthy, and educational environment. It is unfortunate that her bitch of a maternity leave teacher could not be more gracious in Kady's efforts. Lucky I wasn't there for the re-welcoming ceremony. Now she can focus on more important things like her son Jack, Tiger baseball, and Red Wing hockey.
I've also "that I am no longer going to take fashion advice from women who "wear" a belt in the hopes that no one will see their muffin top. Sorry sister, the belt won't help. It's called find a bigger pants with a larger inseam, stop wearing pantyhose with open toe shoes in the winter, buy some spanx, buy a better bra, invest in a thong (to eliminate VPL), and most importantly, don't judge me. It is hard to find super cute/inexpensive pregnancy frocks. I enjoy my leggings and tunics and Uggs. So, to those women: Fuck off.
List of the Day:
Things about the Real Housewives of Orange County I don't understand:
1. Their fake hair/extensions that look really fake. Don't they have the money to find a stylist that can "style" their weaves?
2. Time. These women seem to have all the time in the world, yet, their children are all sorts of messed up, except for Vicki's daughter, Breana. She has a real job.
3. Sparkles. It is sunny enough in Southern California. There are frigging sparkles on EVERYTHING.
4. Their husbands are gross. Yes, some of these women are mildly attractive and their husbands look like they were scrapped from the WalMart ceiling.
5. They drink.....every day. Does that constitute alcoholism?
6. They go out to eat some much and they are all skinny. Do I smell anorexia/bulimia? That would make for AWESOME television. Lifetime Network eat your heart out.
Highlights:
1. My daffodils are about to bloom.
2. I saw bags of mulch for sale at Kroger. I love "landscaping" season.
3. I only threw up in my mouth once last night during the Bachelor. That is quite an accomplishment considering the Bachelor had a a personality similar to a wet piece of paper (with a hot ass body).
Lowlights:
1. It isn't Friday yet.
2. I still have one more week of school before Spring Break.
3. Sandal season is coming up and my toes look like sausages.
4. There is no salad bar at my neighborhood Kroger----that is my new obsession.
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