Another Christmas gone by. Sadly, I did not get to enjoy John Denver's The Christmas Gift or have a white Christmas. HOWEVER, we had tons of fun with both of our families and we are happy to be back in Btown. I had SO much fun, I now have a sinus infection and a crap ton of stuff to put away. On a happier note, I received a Keurig single cover maker and some new spatulas. SUPER EXCITED. Also, I ate some Leo's Coney Island and watched the Lions win their way into the playoffs. Clearly, prayers are answered.

I would like to take this time to thank the nice lady at Sam's Club for watching my cart in the bathroom that housed Greta and my purse while I urinated. Yes, there are nice people out there. She spoke little English and I knew I could outrun her if she tried anything. Regardless, she was really nice. Merry Christmas.

Lots of Christmas tales to tell this year. Dave and I still in Fort Wayne on the tail-end of our Midwestern holiday tour. We will be back in the Bloomington Casa this evening. I have lots of updates in regard to our annual holiday hoodie exchange at the Monforton house on Christmas Eve---in short, this year's White Elephant exchange did involve a speculum. Bam!

More importantly, I've only had to wear jeans twice this whole week! (Sweatpants are a must during the holidays.)

More to come.......

I have joined a playgroup and I love all of the women and babies I have met. One of the women, Mackinizie, has a great blog that I started following. Check it out:
http://ayearonpins.blogspot.com/

Mackinizie hosted a cookie exchange and playdate at her house this past week. I came home with a bunch of cookies and a tired little Greta Fat Pants. Good times, good times.

My friend Sara came over for a short visit. In the two hour time that she was here, I have learned how to deliver puppies and take care of chickens. Clearly, Sara is a wealth of knowledge. Now I want chickens and to have a dog that will deliver puppies. Sadly, Beanie and Biscuit were rid of their ability to mother when we first adopted them.

The pictures above are from when we first brought Biscuit home from the hospital. She had a bad case of ringworm on one of her ears and a wonky eye. Puppy Perfection!

A few things....

1. I'm unimpressed by the Hallmark Channel's lineup of Christmas movies. I have yet to see John Denver's "The Christmas Gift." WTF?
2. Apparently I can get things done around the house if I rotate Greta's "stations:" Exersaucer, Bouncer, Car Bouncer, Floor Gym. I'm a bad mom.
3. I made chicken pot pie tonight. Not too shabby. It is all about the roux.
4. Beans flicked me off today on our way home from the vet. Ms. Beans received two shots.
5. The fabulous moms in my regular playgroup swear as much as I do. I love them.
6. The sheriff paid a visit to my neighbors house. Apparently opiates are a hot commodity when they are issued to your grandmother.
7. And finally, and most importantly, the Lions are basically one win away from making the playoffs. Roar!

Coffee. Cold Mountain. Freshly baked cookies. My kind of morning.

(If you are unfamiliar with Cold Mountain, it is one of the best movies I've ever seen. BEAUTIFUL cinematography, great acting, and Nicole Kidman with no fillers in her face. PLUS, Allison Krauss sings all the background vocals.) Oh, and the movie is WAY better than the book.

I am glad some of my readers enjoyed filling out their questionnaire----I love doing these kind of activities. I'd like to expand on this a bit more.......

1. If you won the 250 Million Dollar Lottery jackpot tomorrow, what would you do with the money?

Well, I'd start out by paying all of my crap medical bills from my botched delivery of Greta. Then, I'd hire an Italian hit man to throw dog poo at a certain OB/GYN's car. And finally, I'd hire my own personal pelvic floor therapist to get my parts back in working order. Now for the fun stuff.....

1. Buy a house in Steamboat that my entire family (ohana) could enjoy. This would also include my extended ohana like Calli, Adrienne, Katie Whorf, Mollykins, Jamie, Elisabeth, and my Cookie sistas. The residence would also include a few cars for transportation, snowmobiles, a chef, and a massage therapist. There would be a bounty of skis/snowboards for folks to use.
2. Buy my dad a custom Corvette. He can finally have his Baywatch yellow car and listen to the Beach Boys in style.
3. Buy my parents a general contractor to rebuild the back of their house that would include a new kitchen, television room, another bathroom, and bedroom. (as well as an interior designer)
4. Buy an RV for my father in law, so he can cruise around the US with my mother in law. I'd also make sure he had a trailer to pull his motorcycle (that I would also purchase for him).
5. I'd buy my brother in law, Ben, a space to start a baseball academy.
6. I'd buy Tim Tebow a prostitute.
7. I'd pay off all my school loans, as well as all of my siblings'.
8. I'd send my mom to Salzburg to do the Sound of Music tour.
9. I'd buy my Aunt Denise a puppy.
10. I'd get season tickets to the Tigers, Lions, and Wings and a box at each venue.
11. I'd go to Hawaii for two months and drink margaritas on the beach. This trip would also include my family and pals.
12. And finally, I'd have the most kick ass party that would include entertainment from Van Halen, Joey's wedding band, and Bob Seger. The Kardashians would NOT be invited.

What about you? I love comments.....

I saw this on another blog I read periodically, and I thought I'd give it a tear......

A. Age – 32. However, I feel 25 but look 53.

B. Bed size –Queen. I would strangle someone for a King size bed. There isn't enough room for the two humans, a pint size human, and two four-leggeds in our bed.

C. Chore that you hate – Dishes. I hate doing the dishes. For some reason, I think if we had a garbage disposal, I'd enjoy it more. Yuck.

D. Dogs – A Beans and a Biscuit. Both Humane Society/rescue specialties. Beanie is a beagle mix. Biscuit is a border collie/German Shepherd mix. Most importantly, they both have white-tipped tails and VERY soft ears.

E. Essential start to your day – Picking Greta Fat Pants out of her crib as she smiles, farts, and makes pteradactyl noises. Best start to any person's day.

F. Favorite color –Black. Black looks good on everyone. My car, Meteora, is a black like the night. Very mysterious.

G. Gold or silver – White Gold. Classy, elegant, timeless. Yellow gold looks terrible on me.

H. Height – 5'4" I wish I was 5'7".

I. Instruments you play – Seriously?! None. I suck at all things related to music.
J. Job title – Gateekeeper to All Things Awesome at Norton Ohana, Inc. (Stay at home mom).

K. Kids – Margaret Elizabeth, age: 6 months and 8 days.

L. Live –Bloomington, Indiana (but I'd rather be in Michigan or Colorado. Both places have skiing.)

M. Mother’s name – Jan. There are lots of moms named Jan in the Midwest.

N. Nicknames – Carol or Carla. I won't answer to Dave when he calls me Carrie.

O. Overnight hospital stays – Oh let's see......Boobies and Baby. (There have been lots of surgeries, but thankfully not too many over-nighters.)

P. Pet peeves – Gross feet, bad highlights, muffin top, marshmallow fluff, bad drivers, tacky landscaping, bad beer, hoarding, Ohio State, white trash, bad siding on a house, different styles of Christmas lights on display together, gold lame', tapered/pleated pants, stacked shoes, fanny packs.

Q. Quote from a movie – There are too many to count, but I usually will reference Steel Magnolias and Home for the Holidays on a regular basis.

R. Right or left handed –Right

S. Siblings – 3 biological, 4 by marriage. I'm also a twin.

T. Time it takes you to get ready – If I'm trying to look normal, 45 minutes. If I don't care, 8 minutes.

U. Underwear – The larger the better.

V. Vegetable you hate – Radishes.

W. What makes you run late – I have a kid and two dogs. Give me a break.

X. X-rays you’ve had – Right foot, right hand, ribs, right knee, back, wrist, right ankle.

Y. Yummy food you make – I think I make a mean lasagne, sausage and peppers, and egg pie.

Z. Zoo animal – Anything baby, and meerkats. Beans looks like a meerkat.

I have not been the best blogger lately, and for that, I apologize. I am trying to embrace the season of Jesus' birthday by baking, and hanging Christmas decor. Thankfully, Jennie came down this past weekend to assist with the decor. The baking, well, it is going ok. I am currently marinating some cream cheese cookie dough in my fridge as I type----they will be morphed into a kolachky type cookie with raspberry preserves. I hope they turn out swell.

During the "hallerdays" (holidays), I usually spend my free time watching Christmas movies that involve wintry movie sets and beautiful houses (The Family Stone, The Holiday, Prancer). However, yesterday I veered off course and watched Prime, starring Bryan Greenburg. While this movie has nothing to do with Christmas (as it shows the dynamic in a Jewish household), there is some connections---Bryan Greenburg is Jewish (and Jesus was a Jew), AND the end scene involves a restaurant on a snowy night. Boom, there you go. I recommend viewing it if you haven't done thus far. Bryan Greenburg is delicious and Uma Thurman's hair is glorious.

And finally, Dave and I attended our first holiday party at his boss' house. There was a white elephant gift exchange that took place. I took it seriously and went to the Goodwill to find my treasures. The other folks purchased their treasures at real stores----maybe they didn't get the memo? The treasures I purchased involved a used ashtray from a medical conference circa 1999 and a Ronnie Milsap album from 1976. Ah-mazing.

Today was one of the those days when I wished Ed McMahon would have shown up at my doorstep with a one million dollar check and a dozen balloons. No such luck. Instead, Biscuit bit the UPS man, Greta had a level 7 blow out, Greta also has some sort of cold which causes her to have major congestion, and the 40 pounds I would like to lose DID NOT magically disappear in my sleep last night. WTF.

However, the sun did shine nicely today and the UPS man is not going to sue us (thanks to Amber at the Combs Vet Clinic for talking him off the ledge). We now await Auntie Jennie and Uncle Chris to grace us with their presence tomorrow evening.

To top off my night, and hopefully improve my situation, I am going to watch Friends with Benefits in the hopes that J. Timberlake will make all things right in the world (as I down a dozen butterscotch cookies in my tapered sweatpants).

I can proudly say our Christmas tree is now up and fully decorated. Beans usually assists me in the process, laying in the pieces of tree as they are scattered all over the floor before assembly. (We have to have a fake tree because Dave is allergic---or "allergict" as I've heard it.) Sadly, Beans was already turned in for the night, so Dave and I were left to tackle this project alone.

On an even brighter note, Jennie and Chris are heading down here on Friday to assist with our Weekend-Warrior-Project-of-the-Month: Building a new closet off the master bedroom. When this project is over, I will no longer worry about Niecy Nash visiting our house with the rest of the crew of "Clean House." That is how bad my closet looks. Not enough room.

And finally, I would like to share my most recent If-I-Won-the-Lottery Dream Sequence scenario: Having an amazing Polish woman who would visit the house twice a week and cook Polish delicacies like stuffed cabbage and pierogi. This scenario would fall into 24th place behind hiring Van Halen to play a summer party at Kid Rock's house with all my friends present and paying off all of my college loans and credit card debt.

A few observations made today as I ventured to Greenwood:

1. The Christmas Tree Shoppe is full of crap, not treasures. It is one step up from Family Dollar.
2. Regardless if it was 40 degrees and rainy today, I saw a whole mess of jerks wearing flip flops, shorts, short sleeved shirts, and no coats. This is annoying because their small children were dressed the same way.
3. No magical elf stopped by my house last night to put up my Christmas decorations. WTF.
4. I saw a preview for Katherine McPhee's new dance/singer/drama, "Smash." It looks awful and amazing all at the same time.
5. I met a NICU nurse who works at Riley today while running my errands. I thanked her for the amazing job she does for all the babies there. If I didn't mind poop, skin infections, and gross people in general, I would have become a nurse.
6. This week, Greta Fat Pants will be turning 6 months. My little unicorn is no longer little. :(
7. Finally, I found an amazing radio station on Pandora: Mariah Carey Christmas. Tune in: It'll change your life.

An unproductive day. It all started with my wardrobe choice: tie-dyed shirt from a random summer camp I worked at, Dave's old soccer warm up pants with paint stains all over them, and my SJC sweatshirt. Oh, no socks. Slippers.

I did, however, shower.

This was the extent of my "production" today. I'm waiting for a magical leprechaun to show up and complete my "TO DO LIST:"
1. Put up Christmas decorations.
2. Finish the laundry.
3. Finish organizing/cleaning Greta's room.
4. Finish organizing/cleaning our room.
5. Clean the basement.
6. Put up Christmas lights outside.

I'm up for any person/animal/creature coming to my house to complete these tasks for the low, low, LOW price of FREE. (My friendship is priceless).

Go Lions!

Oh, and I'm pissed at Mother Nature. She was suppose to bring SNOW, not RAIN. Boo. It's December. I've been patient. Where's my snow?!?!

Quadruple snaps to my friend, Kady Becker, and her new baby Josephine Elizabeth! Ms. Josie made her debut this morning---Kady was a total rockstar and did it au natural! (While I would pass this as no big deal, it is a big deal because I know Kady and she rules). I cannot wait to go back to the D. and have my first visit with Josie and love on her!

Since the snow arrived yesterday, I am once again missing living in the mountains. I miss skiing so much----while I'm sure my fat ass would actually crack a pair of skis right now, I'd kill a small animal to ski tomorrow.

And finally, a new season of Teen Mom is upon us. Brace yourselves for the carwrecks on top of trainwrecks.

To add to my previous post, I will forever enjoy Mariah Carey's original Christmas album, because it keeps our spirits alive that she'll one day return again as a kick ass singer with hints of Gospel flavor and mild trashiness. Unlike her image today, I enjoy the classy Mariah. None of this Lollipop Bling garbage and marrying a man 16 years younger (who also happens to be a complete douche). That is all.

We are finally home after (literally) 3 weeks on the road. I am completely over I-69. Seriously.

More importantly, the holiday season is upon and I couldn't be happier. Why, you ask? Two things: Mariah Carey's Christmas album and a little known Hallmark Movie Channel gem called "The Christmas Gift." To get you in the spirit, here you go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY

Apparently "fashion sandals" are all the rage in Bloomington. Note to my readers: it was 46 degrees today, and I saw WAY too many people wearing capri pants, flip flops, and short sleeves. A secret pet peeve of mine: Folks NOT dressing for the weather. Don't think I haven't dusted off my down coat, Sorel boots, and ski hats. I'm ready for winter. (Also, winter apparel is cool because it will (does) hide all my hamburger delicious. If you don't know what hamburger delicious is, here is how you learn:

1. Stand up, and let your arms hang down at your sides.
2. Carefully, squeeze your arms closer to your body.
3. If there is a squish area on the lateral sides of your gluteus maximus, you have been anointed with hamburger delicious.

And finally, I am experiencing true sadness because my sister's wedding weekend spectacular is over. However, I can look forward to the next several weeks of cheesy Christmas movies, as well as the Lions/Packers game on Thursday. I'm tellling you, they have a chance. Believe!

Lastly, Justin Verlander won BOTH the Cy Young Award and the AL MVP. That's what I'm talking about. (See picture above.)

Dr. Kathryn Shannon Whorf, M.D. My sister from another mother.

Jennie's weekend of wedding awesomeness is coming to an end. It was an amazing affair---lots of laughing, eyeliner, netting, maxipads, and margaritas. I'm sad it is over. The highlight of my weekend: Looking into the wedding audience and seeing Greta sporting her red dress, backwards.

The world tour continues tomorrow......

Greta and I will be heading to Chicago-land where Jennie will marry Chris.

We will have a new addition to our Ohana. Yep, that means two things: One more person officially taking part in the sweatshirt exchange on Christmas Eve and one more person that Dad rely on to fix broken stuff around the house. Doug is super pumped.

The Norton World Tour

Dave, Greta, and I have been on a world tour. We started last week in Chicago. This past weekend we were in Cleveland and Fort Wayne for Dave's cousin's wedding. It was a great weekend. We saw snow for the first time this year and it was great! We had some delicious Polish food at Sokolowski's University Inn, which is a Cleveland institution. YUM.

Apparently, Michelle Duggar is pregnant again. This woman already has 19 kids. I think it's time to call it a night and lock it up. Good God.

Greta and I had a great visit with my twin in Chicago this past weekend----Jennie is getting ready for her upcoming wedding and we were there to assist her (in our sweatpants). She was on the fence if Greta was going to be a part of the ceremony, but she is not (Greta was going to be pulled in a wagon). Greta is fine with this because she doesn't want her drooling, pteradactyl noises, or fat rolls deterring from Jennie's moment.

Conrad Murray is guilty?!?! Sure, but so is Michael Jackson. He was a junkie and probably had a death wish. When I have trouble going to sleep, I turn on the television, rub Beans' ears, and drink a cup of hot tea. I don't drink a gallon of "milk."

And finally, Kim K. headed back to MN to have "closure" with her husband. Poor guy. I have a great idea! He should be the next Bachelor. Then, we could see how lame his personality REALLY is. (Actually, he and Kim are the perfect couple after seeing her lackluster personality on television.)

Just when you think the day (and weather) couldn't be any crappier, you head to Walmart and see all the trainwrecks that hang out there----

Also, my sister posted a FB message about NOT watching Animal Cops: Detroit. While I agree it is the saddest show on the planet, there are moments of happiness (when the puppies get adopted). I have said this before, those folks who beat, starve, and abandon their animals should be stoned to death. Especially if they mess with the puppies. Not. Cool.

I am super excited for another season of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Everyone loves a hot-mess-Southern-Belle. The word on the street is that Kim married herself an Atlanta Falcon with a nice toosh. Well, good for her. I've got me a nice man who is an analyst at Cook. Oh snap.

Greta was called "him" twice yesterday. I acknowledge her hair is a little bit crazy, but when a baby is sporting a pink onesie, all signs point to "girl."

I saw a cover band last night with my friend Mags, and thankfully they rocked some Hall and Oates tunes. Finally a band that recognizes greatness. I'm hoping the next time I see them, they'll have some Phil Collins on their set list.

And finally, I received a message from my sister-from-another-mother, Katie, that her stepfather has been diagnosed with colon cancer. Please send positive vibes/thoughts/prayers to Buzz as he begins his fight to eradicate the cancer. Cancer sucks the big one-----

Hollywood Trainwrecks

After much thought over the course of the last 24 hours, I have decided to finally make a statement about Kim Kardashian's nuptials: No one fucking cares. Actually, I do kinda care. Here is why:

I am sick and tired of celebrities mocking the sanctity of marriage. Getting married is a HUGE deal. You promise (usually in front of the church and all of your friends and family) that you will love, honor, and respect your spouse for the rest of your life. When folks enter this union with money on the brain, it completed exploits this covenant. I understand the whole Vegas thing---fun, spur of the moment, blah blah. But when folks have a priest, flower girls, a florist, a baker....it is a big deal. When Kim Kardashian pimped the E! Network to televise her wedding, I knew it was going to be a three ring circus. I, of course, was right.

She is now filing for divorce from her (what seems to be) semi-normal husband. (He's from Minnesota, his parents are still married, he has two dogs that he loves, he has a college degree. All signs point to normal.) This poor schmuck is laughing all the way to the bank, having earned over $250,000 per day that they were married. As a viewer, I feel like I've been "had" because I actually watched, when it seems that this whole marriage was a sham. Oh, and it lasted 72 days. My fall allergies usually last longer than that.

Poor Kris Humphries. Shame on Kim K. She should stick to what she knows---wearing spanx, giving blowjobs, and acting stupid.

On a side note: Dave and I decided NOT to dress Greta up in a Halloween costume. Rather, she enjoyed her night bouncing and listening to LMFAO in her pajamas. Next year, she wants to be Cher from the "Turn Back Time" music video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEszTzdUMcY

We had a big weekend.....lots of activities and lots of things to celebrate. Most importantly, Dave and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. I can't believe it has already been 7 years! We now have a human offspring, and two dogs---quite a pack we are building.

(This is a picture from Dave and my trip Up North a few Labor Day's ago....We stayed at Adrienne's in-law's on Lake Michigan. Not only was it a beautiful weekend, but the Petersen's house is my dream house......think cottage on the lake meets Grosse Pointe meets ski chalet).

I am glad I married Dave---I can't imagine NOT having him in my life. I'd go insane. Seriously. I'm nuts already....he helps makes thing calm and organized. Love him.

After a week of not blogging, I am sorry. Truly, not much has happened. Aside from once again realizing how large my hooters are, the week has been pretty boring.

My twin is getting married in a few weeks and I have a strapless bridesmaid dress to wear. Of course, I have to reinforce my bust with yet more support (boning just won't do)----I had to travel up to Indy to a specialty bra store to find my answer: a $100 bustier that I will wear ONE TIME. It isn't pretty enough to wear for the husband. Nothing is pretty enough to wear for the husband when you have HUGE boobs. NOT COOL. Here is how the equation pans out:

Bridesmaid dress: $130
Alterations for the dress: $90
Bustier for the dress: $100
Looking like a hooter-ific bridesmaid at my twin's wedding: Priceless

Since Lauren Spierer's disappearance on June 3rd, I have been on the "look out" whenever I am out and about in Bloomington. When I am on the Clear Creek Trail or any other heavily wooded areas, I feel like the majority of my attention is beyond the trail, as I am trying to find Lauren too.

Sadly, it has been almost 5 months, and she has still not been found. However, I actually thought I found her when Greta, Beans, and I came across some large bones next to the concrete path we were walking on----I actually googled the Btown Police Department to ask someone if they could come out and look at the bones. Thankfully, some nice walker-ladies behind me verified they were deer bones from a nearby carcass.

No joke, whenever I am driving by the woods, I am asking myself, "Is Lauren in there?" Now that I am a momma, I can't imagine losing a child, let alone, having your child disappear out of thin air.

While we didn't find Lauren, Beans managed to take a dip in the stream and Greta fell asleep. I guess my inner C.S.I. agent will have to wait til our next walk. Dr. Haskell would be proud. (Dr. Haskell was one of my professors in college. He is an expert witness to several homicide trials because of his background in entomology, aka, maggots on bodies. He testified for the Casey Anthony (crazy bitch) trial while we were laid up at Comm North with Greta. Seriously, he is famous and I know him. Awesome.)

It's been a while since my last post, so I'll try to catch all of my readers (all 2 of them) up.....

1. The Lions kicked off their season with a 5-0 punch. Now, the wheels are beginning to fall off. It all started last week in Detroit when Dave and I went to the game. Yes, I am responsible for the last 2 losses. I jinxed them. I am not sure how to reverse their luck.

2. I joined a Mom's group in Bloomington. We walk every Monday morning (when Greta gets up before 9 a.m.). I am now super paranoid about being attacked on a walk (in broad daylight). With that being said, I asked a police officer at my local Marsh's salad bar about purchasing a taser gun. He said it was a good idea and I would not hurt myself in the even of using it. If I do decide to purchase one, I will be sure to post photos.

3. Because of the divorce that I am going through with my pelvic floor, I've made yet another effort to bridge the gap in our relationship. I start physical therapy again tomorrow. I'm hoping the pelvic floor starts following directions.

4. Dave, Greta and I had our family picture taken yesterday. We hoped that Beans and Biscuit would cooperate. Biscuit was too busy keeping the yard free of squirrels. Beans did what she did best----hammed it up for the camera. I hope they turn out ok.

As mentioned in my previous post, it is super shitty outside.....rain, wind, temps below 50 degrees. Not okay. Conditions would be okay if snow was in the forecast, but it's not. NO BUENO. Here are a few things you'll need for the cold weather to come:

Uggs, preferably a pair that have faded considerably.

Sweatpants, best if tapered and a color of the rainbow.

Carbs. We are talking pasta, bread, chips, etc. Nothing goes better with cold weather than a bag of chips. That is all I'm going to say about that.

A few things in the news I have to discuss:

The wild animals on the loose in Ohio. Really!?

Rachel Zoe discussing her exit from the hospital after delivering her baby: "Should I wear Chanel?" Really? Give me a damn break.

The Kim Kardashian wedding extravaganza. While I did enjoy her second wedding dress, the rest of the show was a total shitstorm. She's an idiot and he seems like he has the personality of a wet napkin.

Please discuss these recent stories in the news at the dinner table tonight. That is all.

Could this weather be any shittier?!?! I mean, seriously. Because it is so crappy outside, I am devoting my day to making soup. More info to come...

Detroit , What?!?! Part III

Love this sign. I think it should be a national billboard.

A snapshot of Vandenbosch during a commercial break. He is one big dude. Sadly, our presence at the game created some unsteadiness with Stafford. The Lions had the first loss of the season. We'll get 'em next week.

Yes, that is a homeless man behind us. Unfortunately, he did not have a ticket to the game.

Greta and Dave's first trip to the Franklin Cider Mill. The half dozen donuts we purchased were gone in about two hours.

Dave and I had a great weekend visiting my parents. Although we did not accomplish everything on our "List of Fun," we had a wonderful time.

Heading Home

The Norton Clan will be heading back to the Mitten this weekend for Jennie's final bridal shower (before her big day, Nov. 19). We are looking forward to some Michigan ohana time. Here are some of our Mitten activities that we have the ol' clipboard of fun agenda:

1. Franklin Cider Mill
2. The Made in Detroit store at Somerset.
3. Sinbad's on the Detroit River
4. The Lions/49ers game (sans Greta. She will be spending Sunday afternoon with her Pepe and
Nona).
5. Tim Horton's. They have the best coffee.
6. Leo's Coney Island and/or Olga's. Which ever one comes first.
7. Finally, Casa Mofo. Home of all things awesome.

Can't you hear the excitement in my voice? Too bad it is frigging 375 miles away.

Sidenote: With Jennie's upcoming nuptials, please refer to E! Network's trashrag of a program, Kim Kardashian's Fairytale Wedding. This show has made a complete mockery of the institution of marriage. Not only is Kim Kardashian a skanky whore (have you seen her sex tape?!!?), she has awful taste, and she married a total dud. Furthermore, she MADE money off her wedding. Therefore, she exploited herself. Embarrassing. However, it does make me feel a little better to know she has cellulite and wears Spanx.

Nothing exciting to share after an exhilarating weekend of football in Bloomington and on ESPN. NOT TO MENTION the Lions' win last night on MNF against the Bears. I wish I was living in the Mitten with all these amazing Michigan teams doing so well----

Dave, the mammal, and the furbabies and I will be heading home this weekend for Jennie's final bridal shower. I have only one destination in mind: The Franklin Cider Mill. Nothing goes with fall better than apples, cider, and fresh fried doughnuts.


The word on the street is that it was snowing in Colorado this weekend. I want to cry when I hear such news. I miss the mountains terribly. Nothing says depression like icy roadways in Indiana during the winter. Yuck.

On a brighter note, I had a delightful lunch with my friend Randi and her two boys this afternoon. Her sons are stinking cute. I wanted to eat them both.

And finally, I bought some new sweatpants at Target today. Not too tight, not too long, and the perfect amount of softies on the inside. Delicious.

IU Tailgate

Darian, Ciaran, and Max discussing Greece's economic crisis. Appropriate tailgate talk.

Two passed out adults across the road from us. This was too good to pass up.

Mande, Jennie, me, and Mags. Classy ladies.

I had been looking forward to yesterday's tailgate for weeks. We had beautiful weather, great conversation, and outstanding people watching. IU lost, what's new? On another note, Michigan won. I'm happy.

Roar

I've used this Title post before, but it must be done again. I waited with baited breath, watching the Tigers crank through their Game 5 battle with the douche-bag Yankees. I was texting with Kady during the second part of the game because Dave fell asleep (and I needed to discuss the game with someone). Thankfully, the Tigers pulled out a phenomenal win after a crappy-hitting game---I am super excited for their series with Texas. This totally trumps all the bad mouthing people in Bloomington have been doing----there are tons of Yankee fans down here (from all the east coast brats that go to school here).

Furthermore, the Lions/Bears game on Monday will be awesome----I think the Lions are gonna take the Bears by 10 points.....we'll see. Greta will be wearing her new onesie, compliments of Kady's creativity.

Roar!

Hell in a Handbasket

I was running errands yesterday with my sister, and one of the stops included a local Christian bookstore. I have NEVER ventured into one these lovely shops because, well, I've never had any interest in stopping in.....I had to find baptismal invitations for Greta's upcoming christening, and I surely thought the Christian bookstore would have what I was looking for. (Hallmark didn't seem to think they had anything like that.)

I walked in the store, was greeted by a kind woman behind the counter, and continued to eyeball the place for stationary/cards/invitations. The woman asked what I was looking for, and I replied, "Baptism invitations." She quickly replied, "A Catholic baptism?" I said, "Yes." She then said they had NOTHING Catholic in the store and continued to glare at me. Awesome. As I posted on Facebook, I already knew I was headed for hell, but this surely sealed the deal. Thanks, bitch woman at the "Christian" bookstore. Last time I checked, Jesus was a JEW. Way to be compassionate, kind, and understanding. I should have told her I was gay and was a current employee of an abortion clinic.

Public Flatulence

My sister and I were checking out at Target today. As we were standing in line, I did a quick "people watch" scan of those patrons nearby. I noticed a young college lady walking towards her friends in the check out line next to us. She silently worded to them, "I just farted." Priceless. I thought I was the only one that crop dusted in public.

Poor Decision Making Skills

A weekend of poor decision making.......Actually, it was a f*ing awesome weekend. Things kicked off with a hip-hop dance class, followed by some quality food, cocktails, and a suggestion by Adrienne. Ironically, Adrienne did not get inked. Happy Bachelorette, Jennie!

Totally Awesome

So today was a great day for two reasons:
1. I learned AFTER I ventured to my mailbox (in front of my house....where the public can see) that my pants were on backwards this morning.
2. Greta had an extreme blowout at a lovely Mexican restaurant where I was trying to eat dinner. Thankfully, my company thought it was hilarious. I was also thankful I had a change of clothes in her diaper bag.

Go Tigers.

Since when was it acceptable to wear jeans to a funeral? Teeshirts? Basketball shoes? Yes, I saw all of these things at my dear neighbor's funeral today. NOT OKAY. Jim, our neighbor, spent time overseas with the Air Force during the Korean War, therefore, he had a beautiful military service at the burial. As the horn played Taps, I looked around and was baffled by the amount of casual wear I saw----this was a funeral for God's sakes. HOWEVER, when I die, I want everyone to show up in their favorite pair of sweatpants.

Puppy alert: Danger!

Beans and I ventured to Petsmart this morning for a bag of Kibbles (Nutro, actually) and some treats. LOW AND BEHOLD, we encountered a magical little lab pup named Ruby. She was squishy and delicious. Beans was NOT impressed. Beans delicately showed her fang and turned her head. I proceeded to love on this puppy like it was the last puppy on earth. She was so soft and smelled just as I thought---like a puppy. What a great way to start a Wednesday!

(I think Beans is suffering from post traumatic puppy disorder from the arrival of both Biscuit and Greta. She has written several letters to Santa discussing her need for a new home with NO other siblings. Santa keeps sending them back.)

Well shit!

So today started off like a normal Monday---Greta gets up smiling around 8 a.m., I change her diaper (thorax), feed her, watch some Sportscenter, clean the kitchen....got me? Nothing fancy. The sun was shining, unlike the dreadful weather of this weekend (and my birthday)....I'm thinking "today is going to be a great day." I had a doctor's appointment at 1 p.m.---I got there on time, everything is fine. I see the nurse practitioner, again, everything is fine. I got the pharmacy desk to check out and I am confronted with THE BIGGEST BITCH EVER. I hate people like this----just when you think the day is going great, you encounter a skankoid and her obnoxious gum chewing habit. This pharmacy "tech," i.e., dumbass who claims to be a doctor, is chomping away on her gum as she rudely explains she can't fill my Restasis rx. I was very calm and collected (unlike me), and finished checking out with her. I go on to the next check out counter from my appointment and complain for about five minutes about how the woman at the pharmacy is a fucking bitch and she ruined my day. Delores, the receptionist, very nicely apologized----I informed her that she does NOT have to apologize for anyone because she (Delores) was as nice as nice could be. UGH!

Oh, and to top things off, when they called my name to go back to the exam room, they called me "Caro-lin." I HATE THAT. Did this lady NOT take a phonics class in 2nd grade? L-i-n-e spells LINE. Like, CARO-LINE. Like the princess. Like the oldest Manzo woman on RHONJ. I quickly corrected her and smiled (in my head, I was flicking her off).

Thankfully, the episode where David cheats on Donna with Ariel and the end of year Mardi Gras festival is on 90210 today. At least I have that going on.

Oh, and Dancing with the Stars is on tonight. Again, another thing to look forward to.

That is all.

Greta's expression is a great way to sum up my weekend. I hit the big 3-2 AND the Lions won. A great way to kick-off the fall season. (This all was accomplished while wearing blue tapered sweatpants. Classy, yes.)

A few things on my mind during the last week......

I recently saw two great documentaries. The first, The Pat Tillman Story, uncovered the tragic exploitation of Pat Tillman, deceased member of the NFL and the U.S. Army. Basically, he left the NFL to join the Army. He was killed by friendly fire, which was soon followed by the U.S. government making a mockery of his life----they claimed he joined the Army because of 9/11 (untrue), then said he was killed in combat (another lie). Pat's courageous mother and father later testified in front of Congress asking for an investigation---basically the Army lied and the government knew about it. SAD.

The second documentary, The Business of Being Born, is a documentary about midwifery and home births. NOW, this documentary hit very close to home after experiencing such a horrible hospital delivery with Greta. The long and short of the film was bringing up the idea of hospitals as a business, therefore, doctors are going to do whatever they can to reel in as much money from a birth as they can....i.e., C-Sections, pitocin, LOTS of medical interventions. Like many women out there, my birth experience left me terrified, sad, angry, and mostly taken advantage of. I highly recommend this film to any mother/soon to be mother---it will definitely get your wheels spinning in regard to making birth choices.

And finally, the Lions won today. I have been saying since the preseason that that Lions would be awesome this year. They are currently 3-0 and I don't want to eat my words come Christmas. If Matthew Stafford can stay healthy, it will be a great season for them.

It's been a while, so I am going to do my Highlights/Lowlights of the week:

HIGHLIGHTS:
-Fall is upon us. That means one thing: Cider Mill Donuts.
-Season premieres have started----all my trash shows have come back....90210, One Tree Hill,
and Dancing with the Stars.
-Beans and Biscuit bagged another squirrel last week. One less squirrel in the universe works
for me.
-Colder weather means covering up all my hamburger delicious (fat) that now covers the
majority of my body. My obsession with leggins will continue into the winter season.
-My little sister, Dana, finished her campaign in Baltimore. She will finally meet Greta!

LOWLIGHTS:
-I still haven't found a cleaning lady that will whip my house into shape for a reasonable $2 an
hour.
-I woke up yesterday and my baby weight was still attached to me. Bummer.
-I have to listen to bitching Indianapolis Colts fans on every news channel, every day.
Newsflash: the Colts WILL suck without Peyton Manning.
-Due to the tragic and sudden death of squirrel #8 this year, Beans suffered yet another injury
ending the squirrel's life. In short, our vet is $75 richer.
-Lastly, although I did not play the lottery this week, I expected to win. Shit.

November marks the month when the latest installment of Twilight comes out----I can hardly contain myself.

I spent the last several days in Chicago with my twin----I have been slacking on the blogging. I am truly sorry (to the 4 readers I have). A few things:

1. Chicago is awesome because there are quality ethnic food restaurants at every corner.
2. The Chappelle Show needs to make some more episodes. If you haven't watched, you're grounded. Funny. Shit.
3. No one cares about the X Factor. American Idol sucks. Why would the X Factor be any better?
4. Glee started this week. Awesome.
5. Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace. Give me a damn break. I guess I can finally change my name to Comfy Sweatpants.
6. The Detroit Tigers clenched their division. I could not be more excited for the post season. I truly believe they have a shot at the pennant.
7. Jennie's bachelorette party is approaching. I am developing a playlist for the weekend. I am sure I won't leave out Bobby Brown or Color Me Badd.

That is all.

Starbucks, starfucks

I ventured out (with the mammal in tow) to Starbucks on the southside to meet my friend Mr. Steve Scott, history extraordinaire. Steve was a regular at my Starbucks when I worked there--we have kept in touch ever since. I meet up with Steve once every six months to discuss history, politics, and life in general. He is probably one of the smartest people I know (next to Alex Trebek and Fareed Zakaria). After a delightful discussion about the Tea Party, Lauren Spierer, and firearms, it was time to head out. I soon realized that Greta had a blowout---we quickly went to the bathroom to remedy the situation. HOWEVER, upon entering the bathroom, I soon discovered there was no "changing station." (A Changing Station is that shelf that folds down from the wall in an effort to make diaper changing easier.) NOT GOOD. Thankfully, I had an extra burp cloth in my diaper bag because I had to change Greta on the floor. GROSS> C.P.S. should have arrested me. I quickly learned she had blown-out through her onesie AND pants (as well as on to my pants. Yes, awesome.) SO, I got her all spiffed up and out we were-----My new mission in life is to ensure there is a baby changing station in each public restroom. It is gross enough changing a baby in a public restroom, LET ALONE doing it on the floor. GOOD GOD.

On a brighter note, the weather today was beautiful----You know what cooler weather means? Yep, more clothing to hide my hamburger delicious that has made residence on my butt/thighs/stomach. Thank you, fall!

UGGs are NOT slippers

I had a minor "speaking engagement" at Sunnyside Elementary School today. My friend, Jamie, invited me to speak to her 6th graders about blogging. Each student in Jamie's room has created their own blog and I gladly went to support their newest creative venture. It was great to get back into the classroom, especially since Jamie's kids are so sweet. Jamie is an incredible teacher. If there is one person that was born to teach, it is Jamie. She has invested so much of her time and energy to each of her students. She is truly an inspiration. I don't have that much patience (or a love of education).

The Tigers have won 12 in a row. Greta is showing her support tonight by wearing her special Tigers slippers. Verlander is on fire, just like the rest of the team. I hope they continue to hit well and field even better. I am praying for post season success---winning the pennant! Go Tigers!

On a lighter note, Tom Brady is the new celebrity spokesperson for UGG boots. I don't need to glorify this advertisement decision with any more of my energy. DOUCHE. BAG.

Plaxico Burress has not shot himself in the leg again, so he is having a good week.

Lastly, the Bachelor Pad finale was so stupid. I will no longer speak highly of this made-for-garbage television show. My allegiance has returned to 90210 and the Real Housewives franchise.

That is all.

**FYI, for those followers who are interested in having my friend Kady Becker make Detroit Lions onesies for them, please harass her on Facebook wall.

Here's a few tips:

If you are looking for a "good morning pick-me-up," don't try on your pre-pregnancy jeans.

Always, ALWAYS take off your son/daughters socks before changing a poopy diaper.

The first nap in their crib will only last 10 minutes (compared to the cozy two hour nap they get while Mom/Dad holds/rocks them).

Don't watch the Indianapolis afternoon news. It is depressing, maddening, and disappointing. (If I hear about another child neglect case, I'm going to go honey badger on someone. How is it that a 4, 3, and 1 year old can "wander" out the front door, three blocks from their home, and play in the middle of a busy intersection?)

If you allow your children to pick out their outifts BEFORE they begin adolescence, I believe they are less likely to dress like a freak. Today, Greta is wearing a purple shirt, grey sweatpants, and red striped socks. Yes, she picked this outfit out by herself. I can't wait til she gets her hands on her "recital" dresses.

Detroit , What?!?! Part II

A great weekend for all of my favorite sports teams. The Lions got their first regular season win against Tampa Bay. Mark my words, they'll go 12-4 this season. Go Lions!

The Tigers swept the Twins, which puts them in an even better position going into the post season. I really think this is their year, just like '84:

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=7839515&tcid=fb_DET_7839515&c_id=det


ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9/11

I dread this day----it is strange how one day can bring out feelings in you that usually lie dormant the rest of the year. I spent Friday night (while Dave was at softball), watching 9/11 stuff on all the news channels. Sitting there alone, sobbing, I recalled the day that the towers fell, just like it happened yesterday. I remember watching the television on that morning, thinking in my heart that the U.S. was under attack, and there was nothing I could do about it. I seriously believed that Chicago would be next, then L.A., then Dallas, and so on.....I felt helpless, sad, and most of all, scared. The following days, it was like I had witnessed a murder first hand. To this day, whenever I see 9/11 stuff on television, my eyes immediately begin to water and I go back to that place when I first experienced it. I hope to God Greta never has to live through something like that----I remember talking to my little sister later on that night when it first happened, asking her what Mom and Dad were doing. She said they were all sitting in front of the television following the news and that all of them had tears in their eyes.

As I drove to Ohio today with Dave, we listened to the memorial over the radio. I started to cry as the families of those lost read aloud the names of those who perished-----I am forever thankful and grateful I don't know any of those people. Though I do reel for those families who DID lose someone......a brother, sister, mom, dad, daughter, son, grandparent......it is really just so sad.

While I rarely make remarks about religion, to this day I guess I'll never understand where the Al Quaeda people are coming from......they have families too......what if this happened to them? I wonder sometimes if they are truly soul-less.

In light of the sadness I feel, this day makes me appreciate my family and friends more. I know how incredibly blessed I am to have to have my health, a great husband, a miracle of a daughter, and pretty nice life.

Are you ready for some football?

(Greta was in my belly. Thankfully, the six beers I consumed that day did not affect the outcome of my daughter's health. )

Oh yeah! One of my favorite times of year (next to Christmas)----football season is upon us! I can't wait for tomorrow's game.....Michigan v. Notre Dame, at the Big House. I am optimistic that Michigan will turn it around this year. New coach, same great quarterback. Good things, good things.

Once again, Notre Dame is TOTALLY overrated going into season-----I feel bad for Brian Kelly. ND is a hard program to follow. (Afterall, if you don't win the National Championship, you're out. Ty Willingham did a great job and he wasn't able to stick around to see his seniors graduate. Whatever.)

Dave and I will be taking Greta to her first tailgate at IU tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll have some great weather so I can throw back a few brew-dogs and talk some trash. (It is very ironic, considering Dave and I found out we were expecting the day after the Michigan/IU tailgate last year. We pretty much figured out I was pregnant with Greta this time last year.)

Furthermore, I, along with all the other NOT Colts fans, could CARE LESS about Peyton Manning's neck. Let's focus on my important issues such as Plaxico Burress staying out of jail, Obama saving the economy, and most importantly, keeping the white shoes in our closets (because Labor Day is over).

Roar

The Detroit Lions are ranked 16th going into the regular season. While they improved significantly last year, they didn't make it to the Superbowl. I propose a higher ranking. They have a healthy quarterback, a large man named Suh, two great back-up quarterbacks, and the blessing of a city occupied by a Mr. Kid Rock (and a killer coney dog). Who needs Terrible Towels?!?! The Lambeau Leap!?!?! The Icky Shuffle?!?! Exactly. I think they'll make the playoffs. (And when they do, I can retire my Steelers jersey.)

$$ food

I enjoy watching the Barefoot Contessa. I love the food she cooks because they seem to be normal dishes. HOWEVER, has anyone ever noticed how expensive her food is?! A little beef bourgignon? Yes, with 3lbs of filet.....a little appetizer cheese tray with $25 a pound aged white cheddar?!? Just an observation.....

Three Months Ago....

I've made it to the three month mark. Greta is three months old today. I cannot believe how fast time flies. It is interesting, I'm three months out from having Greta and I'm just NOW feeling like I am getting the hang things.....NO, my house is NOT the condition I'd like it to be in (and the same goes for my ass). I thought by now I'd be training for the Free Press Half Marathon, or at least doing some form of regular strenuous exercise. Well, I'm not. I walk everyday for about 45 minutes. I break a sweat because I'm out of shape, NOT because I'm working hard. I haven't even thought about trying on my jeans. I'd need Dave here to emotionally support me through that course----They say your body changes after giving birth. Holy hell, they were right. I still have a hard time reading in my news periodicals (People, US Magazine, Life and Style) about those moms that are back to their original size 0 just weeks after giving birth. I'm mean, really?!?! HOWEVER, I will give myself snaps because I have been "pulling it together" before venturing out into public. I have sworn off the Crocs and socks combo in public, as well as my tapered sweatpants. I am thankful leggings are in style---they are my saving grace. I'm also thankful "yoga pants," a.k.a., fancy sweat pants are in style too. Again, soft and comfy are my staples. I'd like to say the same for Greta. I am trying to keep in real as I transform back into my normal self.

Dance Moms

So I found this ditty of a television show on Lifetime called Dance Moms. In a nutshell, it is a reality show featuring an Hitler-esque dance company instructor, her dancers and their psycho moms. It is awesome. It is up there with Toddlers and Tiaras.

The lesson here is that I will not be psycho parent. Period.

Rachel McAdams

Ok, so Rachel McAdams is awesome. Not only does she star in my favorite movie, The Family Stone, but she is also Canadien. EVEN BETTER. I have yet to see a movie that she is in, that I don't like. I just saw a trailer for her new movie with HOT ASS Channing Tatum and it looks amazing....a total romantic tear-jerker, but nonetheless, awesome:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/03/the-vow-trailer-rachelmcadams_n_871132.html

AND, she is visibly NOT anorexic and looks like a normal person. I loves me some Rachel.

Tats

So my pal Anna Cathleen Westwood Brillhart got her first tat. It is very tasteful and very meaningful. Way to go Anna! Way NOT to get some lame-oh animal on your lower back, which basically would act as target for negative/skank comments. She had "Kayla" scribed on her wrist in Hebrew---a very powerful response to being named Godmother to her besties unborn twins. Kayla, the girl, is having a hard time. Doctors say it would take a miracle to survive this pregnancy and birth. So Anna, being the mindful Christian woman she is, had that tat done as a reminder of God's power and Kayla's strength. Tear. I'm proud to be Anna's friend.

This got me thinking........Jennie and Dana each have an array of body art. I don't. I've been thinking about it for years, though never grew the ovaries to do it.......I have three specific things in mind and I'm sure Dana and Jennie would do them with me.......not sure if Dave approves. He, being the perfect person he is, has no piercings or tats, nor will he engage in such behavior. HOWEVER, I think I could convince Big Jim Norton, head of the Norton Clan, to do it with me....we shall see.

Thoughts?

Norton Ohana

The Norton Clan----all present and accounted for!

I miss the Mitten

I ventured to our friendly neighbor to our immediate north, Michigan, last week. I went home to visit my grandmother who just had open heart surgery, as well as catch up with my pal Kady. Kady is almost 6 months pregnant with a girl and I couldn't be more happy for her! She has a son, Jack, who is 1.5 years of age and a total handful. Sans Jack, Kady, my mom and I had a great lunch at Sweet Lorraine's in Berkley and did some shopping at the cute shops nearby. We stopped to take a snapshot at this store, The Yellow Door. This store was fabulous because there were LOTS of Michigan gear in there---photos, jewelry, etc. Good times. I had a great visit---they always seem too short, but it was great to see my Ohana and a good friend. Oh, and I was sure to drink at least ONE Oberon while I was home----if you haven't tasted Bell's Oberon, I highly recommend doing so. It is a delicious way to celebrate summer and support the Michigan economy. However, my new favorite beer is Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat. SO GOOD. Now that Kady is 6 months prego and ALMOST into her 3rd trimester, I hope she takes advantage of at least one Sunset Wheat while the weather is still warm.


On a different note, I posted this on Facebook, but I felt I didn't emphasize position well enough. SO, I met my trashy neighbor today-----her son, we'll call him Satan, was spotted three days ago trying to pour gasoline on Biscuit. So, this lady and her 4 year old terror were outside trying to fix their broke-down 4-wheeler. She was unaware that gas cans left outside in the 100 degree heat can create major problems, and the closer her son gets to Biscuit, the more pissed off she'll get. Clearly, she's not playing with a full deck. (The woman allows her son to rip all of my other neighbor's flowers out of the ground.) So, once again, sterilization is a must for some folks. Also, she may have been sporting a lazy eye.

The End of the World

So, I just read a forward from an unidentified family member that basically preaches that there is a "concerning" matter in regard to our family's safety in the near future. NO, it isn't a Mafia hit (although my Grandpa Charlie was half Italian and had the dashing looks to go with it). The email basically read as a warning about "celestial activity" and some mumbo jumbo about not flying on 9/11 (I won't, because there is a Lions game on), and having 5000 worth of cash on hand. Needless to say, I laughed out loud until my Kegels stopped working and I had to run to the bathroom.

I will say this is extremely embarrassing knowing a family member seriously believes in this junk and takes the time to send out a lengthy email about it......NOT OK. NOW, if I received an email about some Wikileak site about how much George Bush spent on strippers while serving as President, I'd be more than happy to read it-----

I had to blog about it because it was just that ree-donk-u-lis. A few parting words: Give me a fucking break, you can't pick your family, and go Lions.

Technical Difficulties

LONG BREAK. We've been having some modem issues for the last week. And no, I am not able to "tap" into my neighbor's wireless. Sorry for the lapse of postings.....I'll be sure to update all my readers (all 3 of them) tomorrow on my trip to MI, our Fort Wayne family reunion and Adrienne's visit to Btown. My parting quote from my trip to the farmer's market this morning:

"I'm gonna breed my pitbull, because all my four kids' mommas said they could each have a pup."

And there you have it. Bloomington awesomeness.

Mitten Bound

Holler! Greta and I are headed to el' Mitten for some Ohana time with Pepe and Nona, as well as Kady Becker and the Wills'. We are hoping to get some special great-grandparent time with O.G. Pepe and Grandma Monforton, depending on Grandma Mofo's health. She had open heart surgery last Friday and is doing better. Not sure if she is well enough for the wrath of Ms. Greta and all of her charm and sparkles. I definitely plan on indulging in some quality MI cuisine, which includes Olga's, Leo's, and possibly Sweet Lorraine's. I am not counting out Pepe's grilled classics, accompanied by an Oberon or a Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat (my new favorite beer). Regardless, if we make it the six hours, we should have a swell time while I'm there. I desperately miss Michigan summers, so I'm hoping to get my fill in only a few short days.

Side note: Bach Pad 2 is not as good as the first one. Way less drama and train wreckage, but I am getting a small fill of reality television drama.

Extra side note: I heard the Tigers want to release Magglio because he's hitting some sloppy spaghetti at home plate......I say give the guy a chance. He's one of the few right fielders that actually acknowledges his fans during a game with simple waves, smiles, and quiet banter. Sadly, I won't be visiting Comerica during my Mitten visit. Maybe next time. Greta is ready for a hot dog.

Puppy School

Everyone is tired after puppy school, even Greta. (Actually, she was bored watching the Republican debate.....Hopefully, her liberal apple won't fall too far from her Momma's liberal tree.)

Mitten Love

I went to Kroger today and met a fellow Michigander. She was from Alpena (way north), and was starting grad school. Awesome. Like my friend Kady, I'm going to start "tracking" something. I am going to start "tracking" fellow Michiganders. So, today, I was successful in meeting one person from Michigan. That is my goal. One Michigander a day (that is, when I venture outside the house).

Also, it was 80 degrees today, so that made me happy. Greta got some shots. That made me unhappy.

Bach Pad 1, revisited

It was much cooler today than the last 3 weeks. I'm thinking I'm ready for apples, football, Thanksgiving, and my Sorel boots (which NEVER EVER EVER go out style).

Bachelor Pad 2 was on last night. I'm thinking the first season was better. More trainwrecks, silicone, tequila, and PDA. My kind of television. Greta WILL NEVER go on a show like this....she'll be too busy studying at law school, playing World Cup soccer, or studying for her Medical Boards.

We heart the Irish

Maggie and Ciaran Byrne so kindly stopped by our crib the other to have a nice visit. We ate popcorn, talked about all things Irish, discussed Los Angeles skanks, and fawned over Greta. A great night. More importantly, Bachelor Pad 2 premieres tonight. So. Excited. If you don't understand, go to Youtube and check out old episodes. It is like crack. You betta' recognize.

MSCL

I'd be lying if I said I had something to write about....I don't. So, I'll write about my current obsession with the Sundance Channel showing My So Called Life reruns. Addicted. I look forward to these episodes whenever I have a free moment.....that is, if I'm not doing laundry, dishes, holding a two-legged mammal, pumping, or sleeping. Fun times. I highly recommend catching up on this show. The entire 1-season show is on Netflix.

Post pregnancy brain is the worst. I feel like I lost my funnies....and my flat stomach. Don't worry, the cellulite sticks around. Awesome.